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how to tell if I'm sad again

unpopular problematic opinion but

Important message!!

Some nights I wish I could go back in life. Not to change shit, just to feel a couple things twice.

I realized how I tore such a beautiful garden apart when I saw it all die. I forgot that flowers weren’t dependent on my praising eye, and that no amount of compliments could convince these flowers to stay alive. Just like us, flowers need care and comfort. Pretty words and teasing gazes will never equate to the love we need to survive.

I am afraid. Of simple things like spiders, needles and snakes. I can avoid these things though. I’m also afraid of sadness, the unknown and tomorrow. I can’t avoid this. I’m afraid that I’ll never be satisfied, never be happy, I’m afraid that I’m too weak to succeed, that I’m never going to achieve anything substantial. I’m afraid that I’ll live too long, or die too young. That I’ll never fall in love, that I’ll never see my children grow. I’m afraid that I won’t have a job that makes me happy, I won’t ever wake up with a smile. I’m afraid that I’ll hold on to people that have left, and that I’ll be forgotten by people who try to stay. That I’ll never be pretty enough, or I’ll be discriminated. That I won’t have the will to fight what’s wrong, that I’ll always be a bystander. I’m so afraid of myself too. I’m afraid that I’ll make myself feel ugly, that I’ll continue to be cruel to myself. I’m afraid that I’ll keep making myself this fearful, that I’ll be the one who ultimately stops me from achieving anything. I am so afraid. Yet I’ll keep pretending I’m not at all.

hey, could you love me? i mean, i’m messy haired and hard headed, but there’s love in me too. hey, could you love me? i mean, my lips are misshapen and my tongue plays with knives, but i’ve got poetry in me too. hey, could you love me? i mean, i laugh too loud and i love too hard, but i’m softer than fresh, powdery snow. hey, could you love me? i mean, i feel a bit lonely, but i’m good company. hey, could you love me? i mean, i’m tired of keeping my own self company.

Give people time. Give people space. Don’t beg anyone to stay. Let them roam. What’s meant for you will always be yours.