I feel wounded

"I have to stop being so serious all the time," He said, grinning. The fact of the matter was, he realized, that he was so much more serious than he had been when he was with Alana. While he did certainly have friends (even at the hospital), he didn’t have much of a social life outside of work without her and there wasn’t much to break up the blood and the tears which were a part of his everyday.

And while he felt more relaxed than he had, he wondered just how he should answer her question. Because when Alana asked the how are yous and how do you feel, it wasn’t like a normal person asking. Even if she didn’t mean to, she even sounded like she was speaking to a patient and just like that, the memories of what had driven them apart came flooding back. 

But wasn’t this just how a conversation with an ex would go? Filled with the memories of the good, as well as the bad, leaving you unsure of how to proceed. There was a reason exes weren’t friends and, when they were, people tended to think it was odd. 

"Oh, you know," He said, brushing off the question. "Same old, I guess." The truth was, there wasn’t much to his life outside of work and he wasn’t about to tell her about the man who was paralyzed or the young girl who had been beaten within an inch of her life by her abusive boyfriend. His life wasn’t built for small talk. 

But then, he supposed, neither was her’s. And even though, when they were together, they didn’t often talk about work, they were able to understand each other, even when they didn’t say anything at all. 

"Still haven’t heard anything from my dad," He volunteered. Some how this topic had seemed better than work, but that didn’t make it something he wanted to casually talk about with his ex-girlfriend. Not to mention his psychiatrist ex-girlfriend. Jack knew he had issues with his father: they had been there his entire life, way before he had to turn him in for drinking on the job. 

It had been so long since she had seen him smile.

"Serious suits you." She replied in a matter-of-fact tone, raising an eyebrow at the man across from her. Yet, a small smile full of warmth did flicker its way across her own lips. "Though I will say I think it suits you far less than the alternative." Alana's head tilted slightly as she watched Jack.

He did seem tired despite the seemingly cheery banter he was offering up to her. Moreso than she remembered at least. They both were in professions that always seemed to result in tiredness becoming just the base line for everyday life. But Jack didn't look just tired... Fatigue seemed etched into every line of his face, and it was all Alana could do not to comment on it. Not to reach into her bag of tricks and open him up to figure out just how to turn Jack back towards the light.

...But she couldn't do that. Not again.

So instead she fell back onto pleasantries. Playing at small talk with Jack, which always felt like defensive maneuvers on both their parts. Don't talk about that day so long ago. Don't talk about it, don't think about it, leave it alone... Maybe if we just smile and talk about nothing of importance it'll just go away.

"I suppose in your line of work, no news is good news, at least." Alana finally replied after a moment or two, taking a sip of her tea. "Being able to say that everything is 'same old' can often feel like a relief to people in high-stress jobs." Too close to patient talk again... a small voice of reason whispered to her, forcing Alana to take a breath and offer Jack a teasing smile. Distract from her inability keep from jumping into her comfort zone in this most uncomfortable situation.

"If they're giving you days off, though... Wonder if perhaps they're trying to send you a message. Telling you it's time to lay off the stress if you can. I hear Hawaii is beautiful this time of year." A gentle laugh bubbled from her lips. "I've been trying to schedule a vacation for years now. Perhaps I'll only ever be able to take one vicariously."

For a few seconds longer, Alana was quiet, the laughter still sparkling in her eyes as she wondered exactly how to broach the subject she was most worried about. Had been worried about since hearing that Jack's father had been dismissed from his practice.

As to why, it could have been a number of reasons. Maybe she didn’t want to go down this road again: being friends with your ex always opened up doors that sometimes are better left closed. Then again, she could be genuinely finished with him. They had broken up, after all, and wasn’t that what you were supposed to do with her ex? Be finished? Forever. That was the first time he had thought about their relationship like that: finished forever. Not that he was planning on rekindling anything or even being friends again, just friendly.

Or maybe she was just teasing him. It was funny how you could know someone so well and then one day you find your questioning everything.

But instead she managed to pull herself back together, watch Jack for a moment, and then, with a quiet reminder to herself that this was the most terrible idea she'd had in ages, Alana slung her purse over her shoulder and shoved her napkin and silverware in the front pocket. She picked up her tea with one slender hand and balanced her sandwich plate in the other, heels clicking quietly on the tiled floor as she moved to sit across from Jack.

Alana raised an eyebrow at the man as she set her things down on the table. "Plus, I was suggesting that rational adults would know better than to actually eat together, you know..." She shifted the plate, napkin, silverware, and cup ever so slightly, trying to mimic Hannibal's beautiful tablescapes--sort of a way to try and ground herself in this scary venture. "After all, we've never quite been able to have a full conversation not filled with 'um's or 'uh's or quickly pieced together excuses. And I'll even admit that most of them were on my part." She finally could not find a piece of her table setting out of place... She had to look at him again.

The woman took a quiet breath and looked back up at Jack, her hands folding perfectly in her lap. Per usual, she was falling into the comfortable postures of the psychiatrist to protect herself around Jack. She tried so hard not to analyze him. After all it was part of what had pushed them apart before. So instead she fell to analyzing herself within her head. Quietly reminding herself that the two of them were over. They had broken up. Jack was her ex. She had to remember that. Especially when she felt herself already beginning to stumble into the grey-green of his eyes.

She was supposed to meet Rory, but it turned out that Rory had a project to work on after school and their schedules wouldn’t align, so she was glad to see Alana looking for some company, especially since eating alone always meant she’d just pester Luke for company, but when he was busy he didn’t always make for the best conversationalist. 

"But as for if I'm okay, I'll let you know once I know." She said. Alana stirred her coffee lazily, liking the way that the barest drop of creamer she put in the muck made abstract designs that helped her disassociate a little. "It's just been a stressful week, and it doesn't look like it'll stop any time soon. Lots of students unhappy with how I've been deeming their progress, Crawford has me working on some new profiles and I'm having some trouble with patients." A weak smile traced over her lips before she shook herself a bit and seemed to shimmer into 'friend mode.'

Okay, so wow I think if Alana ever said that he’s the funniest/sweetest lawyer she knows, he’ll be like DAMN STRAIGHT. And like, it would make him really happy to hear that. Like he’s all about being different from most big shot lawyers and is like HELL YEAH, I’M GONNA SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT. 

Alana would totally just laugh a little and be like: "I like this. I have resolved to be your personal law-career cheerleader, Marshall Erickson." And thus an epic friendship would be born in which Alana leaves lots of inspirational notes and probably food treats for Marshall all over campus.

And gr8. I think campus would probably make the most sense for where these two run into each other. Maybe they meet through one or both of them needing to talk to Ted about something/Alana's leaving a quick meeting with him and runs into Marshall/something? And also ALANA WOULD SO BE FLATTERED ABOUT ALL THE MAJOR RESPECT. Like she'd be all: "hella yeah, i'm a boss-ass bitch, thx for noticing, sir." Haha.