so very malevolent rotted

Art of John Doe by @ambivertedbabe

Cecil art is by @littleulvar

Kayne art by @capesch-arts

your blood, your bones

I've had insane art block lately, but you'll never guess guys. If you actually practice, you get better at stuff isn't that crazy????

Kayne in this Lillith in this

🎊Yet Another Soapbox Moment🎉

wow, that took no time at all, did it ?

this one's going to be a bit shorter, i think, because most of y’all are probably already familiar with the notion that some feelings are Too Big, Too Strong, and Too Wily to dissipate within a few hours of crying.

so, this conversation will be about distraction instead.

sitting with our feelings, as arthur can attest, is fucking exhausting. and more over, we can get sucked into it way past any point of benefit if we're not careful. we need to honor our feelings, but we can't wallow in them.

when i finally grasped the idea of how to truly sit with my feelings, i (as i am wont to do) took it way too far immediately. “sitting with” became “ruminating”, “ruminating” became “wallowing”, and “wallowing” became “ignoring the rest of my life for the sake of wrapping up this shit all in one go so that i never have to think about these feelings ever again”.

and... well.

Too Big, Too Strong, Too Wily, and all that.

obviously, i needed time away from the sitting. but i was so convinced that any form of distraction was just the gateway drug that would send me right back to my escapist fantasy and emotional avoidance, which would inevitably undo all of my progress.

so, what's the difference between distraction and avoidance ? my therapist, of course, had the answer:

the difference lies in a promise to myself.

an honest promise to return to my feelings again soon.

in making this promise, and (crucially) in following through with this promise, i've not only learned how to moderate my bouts of sitting, but i've built a solid groundwork of self-trust. i've built an intrapersonal relationship founded on respect for my feelings as well as respect for the rest of my life. i've built a list of priorities where my priorities are ordered in terms of time, but not importance.

self-respect, in a way. sharon would be so proud.

so, if you’re anything like me, easily burnt out from the tendency to constantly over-sit, try this. promise yourself that you'll return to your feelings after you've had your distraction. and, frankly, promise yourself that you'll have another distraction ready after you've sat with your feelings again.

(also, many thanks to my therapist for helping me finally define what “moderation” means.)

well. this wasn't quite as short as i'd expected... but that's about par for the course for me, isn't it ? how else could we have ended up on chapter 36 with 120k words ?

Hi yes I have been once again inspired by @hauntieannes ' amazing fic For What You Are :)

Slightly alt version, an uncolored long haired John version and the og sketch below the cut!

@hauntieannes! May I present another offering?

Part of my brain was pretty much set on making a piece with Arthur and John, some throwback to the beginning chapters of To Live Two Lives...

...and then something in said brain went: "F I S H"

So here are four different versions of our beloved Lilly! Here she is as a Comet Goldfish, a Bubble-Eye Goldfish, a Veiltail and a Tosakin. I originally planned on making 8, but I think I would have passed away by the time I finished sketching.

I tried to stay as true as I could to how she's described in the fic(s), and I hope anyone who has ever owned a goldfish can forgive me, I have no damn clue how to draw iridescence (note how I decided to skip that entirely for the "calico" Bubble-Eye, I do not have the strength to figure out THAT mess)

Also, don't suddenly decide to add a bunch of coloured pebbles you'll have to render to ○.~*spice up*~°• your drawing, ESPECIALLY if you're already tired and want to move on to something else. I thought I was going to die :D (worth it though)

Additionally, here is a messy little history class doodle (ignore the VERY blursed Arthur), and a WIP for a piece I'm saving for the fic finale (if I can even finish in time-)

I've been toying around with the idea of making fanart for it for a while, and for some reason got inspired to actually do it after the most recent chapter (chapter 35).

Coloring work by @yourstruly9489 btw!

I read chapter 35 and almost immediately decided to draw Daniel having a Moment. Poor guy. Why is this the thing that inspired me to actually make fanart? Who knows.

A scene from chapter 32! Probably the funniest line in the fic (so far), and so I simply had to draw it. I really like how Arthur and John turned out in this, they're so shocked!

That's right, the next thing I drew was Lilly! How could I ever not include her?

Speaking of Lilly, I decided that Lilly on her own wasn't good enough and drew John holding her. I like to imagine that this is when John first got her and that's why he's so happy.

@yourstruly9489 also decided to doodle this while coloring everything in. Who knew the King In Yellow loved fish?

Sketches below cut:

needed to force myself to draw a bit and something familiar especially so whipped out @hauntieannes charlie & oscar from tltl 💪