Some years ago I was in a LARP and as we got to the last few events of a 6 year arc the GM said, "this game has been a true collaboration all along between the game runners and the players, so know that we are all in this together and this ending is the result of all of our creativity combined together to make something new and remarkable." Then, privately he told me and my small faction: "your plan to save the world will only work if you can convince every single other player to agree to it."

So for SIX FUCKING MONTHS the five of us worked our asses off bargaining and compromising. We convinced the werewolves who literally wanted to eat us. We convinced the guy who said, "my god disagrees with you" by SUMMONING HIS ACTUAL who was a PLAYER WHO HAD LEFT YEARS BEFORE and getting her to tell him he was being a fuckwit. We plotted outside game time, exchanged countless emails, and worked so so hard, and down to the wire during the last game...we did it. Everyone agreed. We enacted the ritual.

And it failed.

Because one person who had told us to our faces that he agreed then went to the GM who had told us "this is all of our stories we're in this together" and rescinded his cooperation. We found this out after my character and my character's husband died in a ritual, in a speech the GM gave as a "post mortem." We weren't even allowed to react in character or try to salvage things. That was the end: that GM getting info from one dick and making that the be-all-end-all of six years of collective passion from over 100 people, and more specifically of the efforts my friends and I had made to get 60 different players to agree to our plan.

Up in smoke.

No, I have never forgiven that player, or the GM. I don't care that it was "only a game." Absolutely fuck those guys.

Devastated and upset that something we'd devoted so much of our hearts and souls and actual literal work to had failed at the last moment because of one asshole, my friends and I sat at a restaurant at midnight that night and mourned.

And then we looked at each other and realized...the GM had said this was all our stories. We all made this happen. We all had a hand in it. We could make it what we wanted, because it was ours.

And so...we collectively disbelieved. We agreed - that's not how the game ended. The wishes of one piece of shit don't get to override the agreement of roughly 60 other people. Our ritual worked. The universe was saved. My character and my character's husband hadn't died for nothing.

Our characters won, because we had the power.

And no, it isn't perfect. I still obviously remember what really happened, and it still hurts. It still feels like a betrayal, 13 years later. But what I remember far more powerfully is the camaraderie with my friends, and the passion we put into what we created, and how much fun we had, and you know what?

It was worth it.

And that ending? That shit we hated so much, that snatched everything we'd hoped for away literally at the last second?

It didn't happen.

I almost told this story yesterday. With all the anxiety floating around, it felt apropos, but honestly I'm glad I waited because in light of what actually happened, it seems far more apropos.

I know it's hard when it's raw and still hurts but think of all the love and the passion, the friendships and amazing things that have come from our involvement in this fandom. Think of all you've gained, all the light that's come into our lives, from caring about these characters and learning about these actors and investing in these stories.

Two final episodes of absolute shit don't invalidate that.

No one involved in the show gets to take it away from us.

And I swear, no matter how shit the ending, I don't have a single regret: not for the time I've spent on it, not for the friends I've made, not for the money I burned on a con and merch, not even for the drama I've had to muddle through a time or five.

I made the best friends of my life through the Supernatural fandom, and now that it's over?

It's OURS, and there's not a fucking thing the show writers can do about it.

You know what ending I'm envisioning? Right at the end there?

*black screen just as we think it's over, and then voice over...*

Hello, Dean, in that voice where you can hear Misha smiling cause it's just so damn broad he can't contain it.

And then

Hey, Cas, with such relief that I could cry just from imagining it.

Because Dean's heaven ain't heaven without Cas.

I know this is hard, guys. Your grief, your rage, your disappointment, all of it is valid. We lost something precious last night. It's legit to react however feels natural to you. But please, don't lose hope.

We're still here for you.

This fandom is still a family.

And now, the story belongs to us, and the creators can never hurt or disappoint us again.