The most ridiculous thing you stumbled upon

what an excellent kaiju

Very polite, attempts to leave trees and fences intact. 10/10, would be invaded by again.

today i saw an old man wearing a shirt that said "thyme 2 turnip the beet"..... Fuck yeah you funky little gardener....

some women be like “my man washed a dish once. I’m very lucky” and it makes me so sad for her like you just know she never cums

If you push your ass up against me while we’re cuddling I promise u won’t be getting sleep anytime soon

If I push my ass up against you while we’re cuddling I promise I don’t want sleep anytime soon

I sleep alone so if someone pushes their ass up against me there’s gonna be some problems

women have every reason to become insane and unhinged. men have zero (0) reasons. and yet they all are 

wanna chill with you at 1am and talk about how pretty your eyes look today

YES

Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?

dude/babe it’s the same thing

You cannot get mad at your significant other for expressing what upsets them. You can’t. Even if it isn’t deep to you, it may be a serious matter to them. They’re upset for a reason. Genuine consideration is key.

Murphy: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, YOU THREW IT AGAINST THE WALL LIKE A WET PAPER TOWEL.