Prince of Rage

like i'm sorry that you can't understand that sitting in a pew breaking out in hives but not allowed to leave because "I SEE YOU WALKING OUT!! THE TRUTH IS UNCOMFORTABLE!! THE WEAK WILL LEAVE BECAUSE THEY WON'T LET JESUS INTO THEIR HEARTS!!" and other such bullshit, or being told that you are INHERENTLY sinful and going to HELL to be BURNED for all eternity, or being told that NOTHING you do will ever be good enough, or being told that "YOU ARE LIKE THE LUKEWARM CHURCH THAT JESUS WILL VOMIT OUT" because of something like not volunteering often enough (or, of course, for not donating enough to the church), or hearing sermons about how JUSTIFIED genocide is as long as the people you're killing don't believe in the One True God (but then again don't worry about those True Believers because they shall survive with the Power of The Holy Spirit anyways), or being often reminded that you MUST be willing to BURN IN A FURNACE or be EATEN ALIVE BY LIONS over not being EXTREMELY PUBLIC about your faith, or...

you get my drift. you put a child through all that and i think they're allowed to have some fucking trauma.

Ministry on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoons.

Family worship on Wednesday nights.

Personal study every day.

Praying before bed, before every meal, when you feel any emotion.

Assemblies a few times a year, circuit overseer visits, broadcasts once a month etc

And this forces you to decide whether your autonomy matters to you more than the approval of the group - while they'll still act like you're on thin ice either way, if you give in at this point they know you're theirs forever, because now they've established a foothold, you've shown a moral weakness, which they will brand you with so it can be used against you in the future ("hey RICE-addict here doesn't want help break into the city records office") to force you to double-down and isolate you further.

so. to all the people picking up all the pieces of a recently shattered world-view and trying to figure out what is safe to keep and what has to be thrown away and started over

to all the people having to relearn how to even listen to other people

to all the people putting in the work to do better while struggling with the guilt that comes from finding out you were the asshole

i’m proud of y’all.

I know this has been mentioned before, but isn't it so weird that Eggman programs emotions and personalities into his robots??

People point out that this is really self destructive on his end because it can lead to some of his creations turning against him after building resentful emotions toward him, like Omega, Gamma, and all of the robots on Scrapnik Island.

My personal headcanon behind his thought process is that not even pure mechanical obedience can rival the loyalty a creation will have to its creator, or "father." It doesn't matter if you reprogram or rewire its entire structure to have its own free will if it's inherent personality, aspirations, and deepest desires will always be to make eggman proud of them, because of the way he's designed and conditioned them. They'll always return to him no matter how many chances you give them, because he's made it so that their biggest desire is to make him proud, even when given free-will or reprogrammed.

We see this most clearly with Metal Sonic, and Sonic will even tease him and take digs at him for it in the comics, telling him to "run home to daddy" (cringe). Clearly, even the characters in-story can see how eggman has raised all of his creations to depend on him for any sense of self worth or purpose. Truly evil, and I think something that's always overlooked when discussing eggman. People say he's not a respectable villain but I think this is really compelling and a unqiue way for a villain to function. Especially because his design is pretty dad-like to begin with, with the mustache, glasses, round body, and bald head lol.

It's so effective, that even when Metal Sonic gains even more power than Eggman through becoming Neo-Metal, he still only wants to take over the world to gift to Eggman. His influence even goes past his creations and gains loyalty from other aspiring inventors, like Dr. Starline.

Most of all, I think it's so effective because it's genuine. He really does love his creations, but simultaneously holds them up to impossible expectations and holds severe disappointment in them when they fail. I mean, think of it. Isn't it awful to design a creation that entirely depends on you for any feeling of worth or purpose, and to make it capable of love and such, only then to neglect and abandon it when it doesn't live up to your impossible standards? Just think of Scrapnik Island and the sheer amount of abandoned bots there.

...the same one that this same Jehovah wants to cause. Either Jehovah is responsible for bringing Armageddon, or he isn't.

If he is responsible, then he's threatening people with death, and is willing to cause catastrophic levels of destruction over people not sucking up to him. If he's not responsible, that's admitting he's bluffing to get people to stay in line. Or alternatively is willing to take credit for the actions of some other secret third thing.

Can't have it both ways. You either own up to your own horrific actions, or admit you can't do shit. Or make up shit I guess.

Either way, it's stupid. If I'm going to live, I'm going to live my way.

Like, finding it easier to interact with those outside my age group. Is that because I'm autistic or is it because I was discouraged from interacting with those my own age because they weren't jehovahs witness, so I could only interact within the congregation where i was the only person in my age group.

Always having an advanced reading age, is that autism or is it because I was reading complex books at a young age ? Was I gifted or just being forced to read to books like revelations explained or reasoning from the scriptures or (loki forbid) the insight books.

Do I struggle accepting opinions different to my own because of neurodivergencies or is it because I was raised to believe that everyone outside of the jws was wrong?

Do I constantly mask and hide most aspects of myself because I'm neurodivergent or is it because that was the only way for me to survive in the cult as a preteen - teen and that mentality is still embedded in my brain.

Do I struggle to comfort people because I genuinely don't understand or know how to , or is it because I was taught my entire life that seeing someone upset is a chance to tell them about jehovah and I was never taught how to comfort someone without trying to convert them at the same time.

for many poc, church is not just a religious community, but a cultural one as well. older generations tend to associate conservative christian values with their heritage culture (despite the fact that christianity was often introduced into the culture forcibly, through colonization). as a result, diversions from the church are seen as a result of “progressive Western brainwashing” — and a rejection of your family and culture. Atheism is for godless, disrespectful white people, not for you.

He called me away from the kitchen, where I was helping to make lunch or maybe it was supper.

In the machine shed, leaning on a dusty tractor wheel, he read the paper to me and cried a little. He had to pause and clear his throat a few times.

I felt deeply, deeply ashamed. We both knew I’d been avoiding the conversation for too many weeks to attempt to avoid it again. Him standing there, reading reasons and quoting Bible like that, and crying a little to boot, was righteously forcing my hand.

I genuinely don’t even remember what I said, but I know it was all half-apologies, feeble excuses and explanations.

He said he figured it was time, and that so did mom. I mean, really, did I have any reasons to not be baptized? Any sins before God? Any humiliations I wanted to dredge up in front of the church elders to talk about and probe and repent of, just to postpone my submission?

My mouth quietly agreed to the baptism. My consciousness floated up by the rafters somewhere in the hazy dust floating in the cracks of light seeping in through the walls.

He put his hand heavy on my head and prayed a blessing on my decision.

So much of my childhood was characterized by that sort of lazy-summer-evening sense of doom.

A few weeks later I did my duty, made my vows. And it didn’t feel clean or holy or even like a decision. It just felt like water.

I tried to mark it as a big day, by writing the date big in my journal under “Baptized” and signing it, and copying out a Bible verse from Acts chapter 10. I guess it didn’t feel any different because it wasn’t any different: saying the vows and submitting to the ritual was all formality, I had always lived those vows and would live them for eternity. For people like me, there was no such thing as a choice.

I felt a little silly for having put it off so long, really. I could have gotten the whole thing over with a lot sooner if I hadn’t been so self-centered on how I felt about it all.