G E N T L E

Why do you get so upset when I blow into your ears?

Am I annoying you yet? Am I annoying you yet? Am I annoying you yet?

If you burp in my face we’re not friends anymore.

Why do you have such a floppy lip?

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EATING?

Oh, I didn’t realise you suddenly decided to have standards.

Stop looking at other people. Your world should revolve around me.

Remember that time, one year ago when you split open my lip by accident and it didn’t stop bleeding? No? Well I do.

Wanna roll around on the floor and make weird sounds later?

If you try to lick me when I’ve just gotten out of the shower again I sWEAR TO GOD.

Not everyone needs to hear your opinion on the existence of fire alarms.

I have never seen anyone so happy to pretend to be dead before.

Okay. You need a bath. I’m ready for battle, don’t even try to argue this.

How come you hate warm baths but love swamp water and muddy puddles?

I love that no matter what I say, if I hold up my hand you’ll high-five it without question. It’s like we’re always united, no matter who or what I’m roasting today.

I found one of your hairs in my breakfast. We need to talk.

I asked you to bring me my slippers. I did not ask you to check they were dead by shaking them like a crazed dingo before giving them to me.

You can’t just put your foot in my mouth then walk away. What kind of friendship do you think this is?

I love how efficient you are at using the tools around us to be as annoying as possible.

I never got to be the big spoon in bed before I had you. This is such a weird new perspective I have gained in life. 

I’m pretty sure this many snuggles is illegal in some countries.

No. Stop begging to try a piece of my food. It’s a vegetable. You hate vegetables. *Sigh* Fuck it. Fine. Here try some.

SEE? I told you you’d hate it!

Why do you insist on smooshing squishy foods before eating them?

I’m not sure how something so adorable and pure could have as many nightmares as you do, but I hope you’re okay.

I will never grow tired of booping your snoot.

Sometimes I look at you and I realise how lucky I am to have someone who is so tolerant of my weirdness.

Why do you get excited whenever I go to the bathroom?

You always look sad when you’re tired. It’s so fucking cute.

I love how if I get really excited over a stick, you trust me enough to see insane amounts of value in it too.

I got you another teddy to add to your already grossly large collection of teddies. Yes I’m an enabler. No I’m not going to stop enabling you.

Some kid asked me if you were a bear today. It made me wonder what your spirit animal would be.

Why do you always sleep by my door? Are you guarding it from demons?

Let’s go to the woods. You run through the trees and I’ll hum the Game of Thrones theme.

I’ve always wanted to braid your hair, but I’m also worried you won’t like it

How can you be both so polite and such a piece of shit at the same time?