Can't Do Reverse Math

Episode 69 || Reactions to Vex’s Confession

felt like paintin something before going to bed, so a spooky dark-crystal-esque caduceus as per last weeks ep was a Must. 

I don’t think he has a clear idea of what, exactly, he wants to do. I’m basing this off a few things Liam’s said on Talks as well as the “text” of the show, the most prominent being a quiet “I don’t think he knows what he wants” from a few weeks ago. There’s also his statement that, without some kind of goal to “fix” what he did wrong, Caleb wouldn’t have a reason to keep going. So, the idea that he needs to fix his mistake (not atone, or get revenge, but fix it) was all that kept Caleb alive for 5 years alone in the wilderness. 

But, I also don’t think Caleb ever had a clear or concrete idea about how to do that. Once he had access to the Cobalt Soul library, he studied the possibility of time-travelling magic, but the only things he found pointed to it being pretty much impossible. I don’t think this made him give up that nebulous “fix it” goal, but I also don’t think time travel was something he was hyper-focused on, or was the sole avenue he was considering. 

But this is also why I think he has a hard time when Beau presses him on what he wants, what his long-term goal is. Because, having never had to explain it to another person before, I think Beau’s curiosity kind of exposes how…unclear and unfocused his goals are. I don’t think he’s evading her, I think he doesn’t really have a good answer for her pointed and valid questions. As a slight aside, I also think the very vague nature of his goals is also what causes people (audience and other characters alike) to leap to conclusions about his intentions or motives. Beau was valid in assuming he wants to mess with time, but while that was something he considered, he never really said it outright and it might not be at the forefront of his mind anymore. Sort of like how Liam has had to remind people that Caleb never said he hates the Empire, even if certain parts of his backstory had led a lot of people to conclude that he did.

Which is why I think this latest step of realizing that going after Ikithon might now be possible with his friends and the tentative alliance with the Krynn is so significant for Caleb. It’s the first time he’s had a clear, defined goal beyond “fix it.” And it’s important character development! He describes his long-term goals to Beau in the end of episode 57 as: “I have said some crazy things to you, I have railed against the elements” - that seems like a newly self-aware description of where his headspace was just 6 months ago. The unclear, rambling goals of a man living alone in the woods for 5 years are not necessarily going to be the goals of a person who’s recently made close friendships he thought were impossible for someone like him, who’s realizing that he cares about others and that that might affect his intentions and actions in new and unexpected ways. Him changing his mind about how to respond to his past mistakes and sins is an important part of character growth, even if he has to hold on to the impossible and vague “fix it” goal as a sort of anchor to keep going.