this year’s prom theme is… *opens envelope* Great Lakes Invasive Species And What Boaters Can Do To Stop Them

Wanting top surgery so I can sleep face down shirtless in boxers like the lazy teenage boys at the start of 90s films

barbie movie should open with a chimp mauling like NOPE did

you probably thought today was a normal Monday. nooooope. strong as fuck ice mummy again, sorry.

can you please fucking tell your gay brother to stop trying to hang out with my dad on shared google docs files

i WISH lesbians were actually as mean as people say they are

considering the way people treat them they deserve to be evil. as a treat

im just like joan of arc I too experience the voices that tell me to wear men's clothes

the epic of gilgamesh isnt yaoi because it came first. all yaoi is but an imitation of the true king

I overuse ellipsis so much it's because of my pensive nature...

when i die i will be converted into a beautiful pdf

JFK and Abe Lincoln were killed by the same bullet after it popped through Abe's chest it buonced off the railing and ricocheted around America for 80 beautiful years before lodging itself firmly in Kennedy's thick russet potato dip shit skull

went to the aquarium this summer and stood in front of a 335,000 gallon kelp forest and got so pissed off about not being one of those fish that my throat tightened and my fists clenched. it lasted like 10 seconds until I noticed I was being a weirdo in public but I understand everythng about this world now…………..

my least rational fear is what if i end up being a pony in the mlp universe and i get the most revealing cutiemark like what if my cutiemark is the bisexual flag and i have to cover it up with makeup for years and pretend to be a blank flank to not get outed to my conservative pegasus father whos favorite newspaper is called "the right wing"

I bring a sort of “let’s start killing each other” vibe to the timeloop that other people stuck in the timeloop don’t really like

sorry but my pet phoenix died so i can't come out tonight :(

hi. yeah it's me again. you'll never guess what just happened.