THE BOLTER

@antiivarook - canon divergent antivan!rook Kiran Smith from Dragon Age: Veilguard (currently on a break but I am defo planning on reviving her, my spoons are just low lmao)

@holographicvoyager au/canon divergent! a.rnold j r.immer from r.ed dwarf. (low activity but my muse is high because r.ed d.warf is one of my main hyper fixations atm. I write him basically fandomless because that’s niche fandom lmao)

DANCING THROUGH LIFE DOWN AT THE OZ DUST ONLY BECAUSE DUST IS WHAT WE COME TO.

someone needs a good spanking!

you're leaving? just like that? what about sex?

if you're not going to get drunk with me, i'm afraid i can't take you seriously.

you thought i was going to say something dirty.

i feel i should say... something.

family's not just the people you're related to by blood. there are other people who care about you.

i'm sorry, i don't speak "never-gets-sex-again."

looking for a ditch to lay face down in? i can recommend one.

i think i need a bath. do you think i need a bath?

your death toll is approaching natural disaster.

if we kill them, we get their stuff!

trust me, it's better this way.

now this needs to be convincing. and you'll need to get creative.

come on, haven't you ever wanted to slap me? just a little?

the more the merrier, i suppose!

now you're making me nervous.

you know what they say about men like that, don't you?

i'm too far away! what do you want me to do, shout at them?

i'll make you cry for your mother!

watch out for the squirrels. they can be vicious little bastards.

something about this place is unsettling. it's like... underwear that never quite sits right.

need a hand? why yes! yes i do!

oh look at them! they're like kittens who want to eat you.

you hit like my grandmother.

i need a good, long sleep when i get home.

we had a short-lived drinking game based on how many enemies you have. it killed a man.

nothing like a near-death experience to get the blood pumping.

oh... i need a drink.

your hair looks funny in this light.

you're like an itch i can't scratch. or something. i'm not good at metaphors.

what's that foul smell? is that you?

being close to death is very bad for my morale.

i'm going to need to catch my breath!

and they say drinking never solves anything!

i need a stiff one... and a drink.

smells like smoke, burning metal, and aeons of misery.

you take me to all the nice places.

shall i give it a go?

time for a drink!

don't you die on me!

don't mind me, it's just a flesh wound.

ah, i'm all right. who needs kidneys anyways?

oh, let's not do that again.

An assortment of prompts taken from the Narrator Outtakes (Baldur's Gate 3) videos on Youtube. Adjust as necessary to fit pronoun and/or descriptor. Reblog, please do not repost or add.

“ Think you know how to pronounce it? I think not! ”

“ I haven't read one line yet, how did it get weird already? ”

“ That is some fantasy bullshit right there. ”

“ Yeah, everything's fine. ”

“ Calm, breath. It's ok. ”

“ Nobody talks to me. Nobody ever talks to me! ”

“ You may know me from such things as lying on the sofa eating cheese for several months. ”

“ What does this word mean? ”

“ I can make up words too! ”

“ I'm enjoying myself. ”

“ Enjoy the fantasy, and then call a therapist. ”

“ Wow, I am a patronizing bitch today. ”

“ No filth for you, ha ha. ”

“ It's already injured, maybe just kill him a bit. ”

“ You're a nerd. We're all nerds here. ”

“ The world continues to turn while you read everything. ”

“ I have no hands, apart from the ones I use to repeatedly slap you with. ”

“ Where were we? Who am I? What day is it? Why do my arms hurt? ”

“ Sometimes you think you're on mute and you're not. ”

“ Frantic bi energy. ”

“ I can fuck my way through any problem! ”

“ I've got splinters in places you don't want to know about, but I'm through. ”

“ We live in horny jail, you can't send us there. We've got the keys! ”

“ Go on. Do it. See what happens. ”

“ Who the fuck do you think you are? ”

“ Somebody studied Shakespear and now it's everybody's problem. ”

“ I think we need to have an intervention. ”

“ I like hearing you breathing. ”

“ Oh, aren't they having a nice time? But you're going to die. ”

“ I've lost my authority! ”

“ Right, fine. Whatever. This is my job and I'm not tired at all. ”

“ It's happening again. It's happening again! ”

“ Everything's fine. Normal is a state of mind. ”

“ I'm a professional. I can say the word 'erected' without laughing. Once. ”

“ I have exceptionally moist ankles. ”

“ I learned a word today. I don't know what it means. ”

“ There's a name for what you are and you'll learn it one day. ”

“ He's lucky I didn't rip his face off and melt it like plasticine. ”

“ It's not you, it's... It really is me. ”

“ I am the problem here and I am fully aware, but I made the decision to inflict me on everyone else. ”

“ They do like just slamming shit together in this, don't they? ”

“ I'm taking myself off to the chamber of penance. ”

“ Who doesn't like to prod an eye? ”

“ You got it, buddy. ”

“ Try not to look too closely, everything's gonna start swirling. ”

Wise men once said "Wild winds are death to the candle" A rose by any other name is a scandal