Sensual Goddess

The ones I really love never let me down and I don’t know what I’d do if they did. It’s such a lonely isolating feeling when you are on one end of giving so much love and attention and time and care into someone and feeling as if you aren’t thought of by them in them at way. But that is not the reason we give love - to get it back. so really I should be fulfilled by this feeling but again it’s just confusing. Putting myself and my preferences first has been nice but also again difficult , coming to the decisions of what I even want, I am so torn internally and my inability to decide is hitting this wall I am realizing is also a mirror and I am facing myself and my life. I am going to make it through even if I am alone. I just know that’s the only thing I don’t want to be. I want my forever best friend. And all I think in the end is who the fuck.. am I gonna be that for and have that be for me in a way I am satisfied with and them too, I’m praying for us and I don’t even know who we are, I just know I’m here