Sensual Goddess

When everything sucks I remind myself I’m one of the only people in the lineage of the history of my culture and people who truly are and can do whatever the fuck they want.

I always wanted a high school sweetheart

The tiny microscopic amount I know. I wasted so much time. How do I forgive myself. We’re still on square one. Still on square one which is really zero. Because essentially I haven’t even started that process.

I’m gonna move on you know. It’s still an emotional battle. Tonight it’s crazy stupid love and I am realizing how much I used to love this movie. But I don’t even know what love is. Being married and loving someone that much to make that commitment. And dealing with infidelity and still finding forgiveness I was just on that topic before a few days ago and it’s so surface level of me to think even. Marriage is a deep and serious promise and connection to penetrate something so bonded is a shame and when the love is true it can over come anything. So if I believe that I can’t only believe it for myself. But others too. The deep sadness of a divorce. Like getting cancer when that’s the love of your life. I get that. Selfishly I want that. The deep loving part not the other bad stuff but the other bad stuff is humanization and we all go through life. But I couldn’t even understand any of that right now where I am in life. The less I know, not the better.

One becomes many, many return to one