Cyanide Surprise

my top hobbies are shame and embarrassment but i also occasionally dabble in envy

been getting into regret recently i think i've got a knack for it

Forget about torturing your blorbos, putting them through the ringer. I'm putting my blorbo in perfectly ordinary, pleasant situations. Their tortured personality will cause them anguish anyway, making an absolutely mundane scene into the most dramatic, agony filled affair as though the world is ending and it's all their fault

every day I wake up and it’s fucking january

"Omg wwx was so oblivious how did he not realize that he was in love with lwj/that lwj loved him?" Idk man he was busy being tortured by the narrative

oh I see. it was the crime of wanting. that's why I deserve it.

pro tip “he freed his erection” is the most useful phrase in any smut writer’s arsenal because it means never having to figure out a dude’s pants situation. how did he do it? were there zippers? buttons? some kind of bizarre lacing situation? maybe he cut off his pants with scissors. maybe it was a wizard. maybe it busted out like the hulk busts out of his shirts. no one knows. no one cares. his dick is out now and that is all that matters. thank you helpful dick wizard.

happy ten year anniversary to the dick wizard

Wendy's employee who saw me cataclysmically stoned and hooked me up with 20 nugs on an order of 10 i hope you get your ass ate forever, I think they should let you kill one person legally per year, you deserve a pet dragon.