Leave Me Alone I Know What I'm Doing

Just heard a customer two aisles over go “Hey, I think this is that special glass that doesn’t shatter when you drop it” followed by the sound of shattering glass. I hate retail.

just thinking about you makes me so happy

Your bed is a wireless charger that takes anywhere from 5-10 hours depending on the model of human.

some days you’re just the squashed nutrigrain bar that exists at the bottom of every purse or bookbag

You’re right no matter what I look like I’m still a snack and people are always grateful when they realize I’m there thank you for the inspiration post

yall always say “but go off i guess” when ur blatantly wrong about something and its fucking hilarious

theatre productions about teenagers be like: *puts 30 year old man in a hoodie*

i am made of 50% love 50% utter and complete idiocy

Tag yourself Well Done Baku edition: I’m Lando Norris calling Racing Point and Alfa Romeo Force India and Sauber in his Channel 4 interview

Baku might be a heartbreaking shitstormTM, but the most heartbreaking part of it all is Nico Rosberg’s temporary ban from the F1 paddock.

What for?!