On the fourth I played out a long cherished fantasy, and shot every American I met.
As performance art goes I was very successful, my spree lasted all day and I only had two negative responses (out of nearly a hundred.) One white lady told me I ought to have "pre-informed consent" and I was "basically assaulting people," as though splashing a little water on someone is akin to performing a sexual act or invasive medical procedure. Hilariously, the only real negative consequence she could imagine is that I "might ruin someone's nice clothes." It was an interesting statement to make when it was 85 degrees and 100% humidity outside, during a season when it rains multiple times daily. Overall, she set a really creative example of someone using triggering reactionary buzzwords to pretend something playful and harmless was a horrific traumatic event, in an attempt to manipulate the feelings of others. As someone who has been victim of assault, I thought it was absolutely ridiculous and offensive to make light of something so serious by equating its circumstances to a prank.
Really the best thing to do is laugh at that sort of person. I can't imagine being so sensitive and sheltered, they're basically spoiled whining babies crying and making up lies to get their way. For the rest of the day, any time we would have some normal interaction with someone, my friend and I would joke that we "needed consent" or say "you basically just assaulted me" (like when handing someone a beer for example.) If she thinks a splash of water is horrible, she is really not gonna like what I do with my guillotine! (I also almost got shot by the fuzz for having a water gun! Classic stuff.)
If you enjoy my work, please consider donating to me at kaccvcate on cashapp and venmo. With your help, I can arm a mighty war band with these vicious weapons, and we'll make it our sacred duty to ruin the nice clothes of every yuppie in New Orleans. Thanks for reading!
