anomalyhill

You were excited to spend time with her, especially since you two hadn’t spoken much since her promotion to Deputy Director. You were debating wearing a costume, since it was Halloween, but decided against it after realizing you’d probably be the only one in one. The rest of the group weren’t…fun like that, you thought to yourself. You settled on a plain black top and a skirt - couldn’t go wrong with that.

You arrived at the lobby, accompanied with a makeshift bar. The others greeted you, and soon you were all conversing amongst each other. You had strategically sat next to Maria, hoping to catch up with her, but you noticed she wasn’t really in the mood for conversation. She barely held eye contact with you, and kept her responses short. She was still in uniform after a long day of work, though her hair was free from its tight bun, and the zipper at the front was lower than she’d let it be on-duty. An hour passed, and you and Maria hadn’t still reconnected the way you had imagined.

“Hill,” Natasha said, raising her voice above the chatter and scooching closer to Maria, “is everything alright?”

“Yes. I’m just exhausted, that's all.” She replied, shifting slightly to mask her expression.

“Y/n’s trying to talk to you and you’re barely responding to her.”

“Yeah well-” She stopped herself, realizing she was being defensive. She sighed as Natasha called her out. “I’m sorry, y/n.”

“It’s fine, I understand.” You said softly, though your hope had faded.

You were unsure what to do with yourself. Natasha had returned to whatever conversation she was having with Barton, the others seemed to be immersed in conversations of their own. Maria looked like she wanted to leave. You were quietly sipping on your drink, a familiar feeling in your gut pooling.

“Guys, I’m going to head up.” Maria suddenly spoke, her announcement met with a series of boos and exclamations of disapproval. Unfortunately for you, it wasn’t enough to stop her from getting up from her spot and leaving. Great. The one person you actually wanted to talk to that night was gone. Of course, Nat was great, but you saw her everyday. You two had been in proximity with each other for way too long. Thor was funny, and you enjoyed his anecdotes, but you’d only interacted a few times. Oh, and you never liked Steve.

After downing a few more drinks, you decided there was no reason for you to stay if you were just going to observe for the rest of the night, so you said your goodnights and made your way up to your quarters, which was conveniently located on the same floor as Maria’s. You stopped in front of your door before turning around and walking to hers. After a moment of consideration, you knocked softly. You heard her approach the door from the other side, her steps slower than usual.

“Y/n..?” Maria gave you a confused look, one that said “What are you doing here?”. You caught her eyes flickering down your body for a split second before returning to your suspecting gaze.

“You ditched us.” You said with a hint of playfulness.

“That party was a bust and you know it.” She responds, matching your tone.

“Yeah, well…it was worse without you.”

A beat passed as Maria assessed your motives. Why were you here? What did you want from her? “Come in, then.”

The door closed with a soft click.

“Sorry for the mess, I wasn’t-”

She barely got the chance to turn around before you pushed her against the wall, which was easier than you had imagined, given your significantly shorter height. “Jesus- y/n-”

“I missed you.” You confessed, your voice only slightly above a whisper. “Tell me you missed me too.”

“I did, but I- this…” She stumbled on her words, fighting against her growing arousal. She was your superior now.

You noticed her hesitance. “What?”

“We can’t.”

“Why the hell not? We’ve done it before.”

“This isn’t before. Times were different then.”

“Bullshit.”

Before she could respond, you wedged a knee in between her thighs, hoping to help her give in. Judging by the way she was acting back at the party and now, you knew she needed this more than anything, and you were determined to provide her that satisfaction.

She pressed her lips together in an attempt to silence herself. There it was. You knew you got to her when her stern facade dropped and she could no longer hide her pleasure.

Days flew by when you were with Maria. You’d enter her quarters with the keycard she made you once you two had established a routine. It was for your “convenience”, she’d say, which was true - considering she often worked late so she wouldn’t be able to open the door for you anyway - but you both knew it was a sign of trust more than anything.

However, as months passed, you noticed Maria start to act differently around you. She wasn’t as warm with you as she had been. Sometimes she’d come home without even acknowledging you. She wouldn’t get mad, per say, but you could tell by her body language whenever she was upset with you.

This night was no different. The room was silent as you tossed whatever leftovers she had in the microwave, expecting to spend the night alone. You contemplated returning to your own quarters when you heard the door open. Maria walked in, clearly tired and in a state of distress. Before you got a chance to make your presence known, she disappeared into the bedroom. The microwave beeped, but you ignored it, choosing to follow her.

“Hey,” You said, leaning against the doorframe, “rough night?”

“Something like that.” She replied with no further elaboration as she slowly undressed. You could see the subtle relief in her eyes the moment she freed herself from the outfit she had worn since 5:30 in the morning.

“Want to talk about it?” You offered, as you usually did.

“No.”

“Want to drink about it?”

“Surprisingly, no.”

That threw you off, as Maria was never one to turn down a drink, and especially not from you.

“Oh. Alright.” You replied, unsure whether her disinterest was because of something you did, or if she was just tired. It was probably the latter, but you decided to question it anyway. “Is everything okay-“

“I’m not in the mood for your..therapy, y/n, okay?” She spoke quietly, cutting you off. “Can you just- not, tonight?”

“Not what?”

“Not interpret my lack of energy as me being mad at you, ‘cause then I’ll have to convince you I’m not, and then it’ll be this whole back and forth thing I..really..do not want to deal with right now.”

You stayed silent as you took in her words. She had a point; you were overly analytical at times.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine…don’t apologize.”

She crawled into bed, gesturing for you to do the same, but you knew something was wrong - you felt it in your gut. As you opted to sit on the edge of the bed, she realised sleep wasn’t exactly your priority at the moment.

“y/n...”

“You need to talk to me, Maria…if you don’t, I’ll never know how to help you- and I want to help you-“

“y/n.”

“What?”

She propped herself against the headboard, sitting up to meet your gaze. She knew she had to say something or she’d risk losing you completely. You were determined, you always were, and Maria respected that.

“We’re compromised.” She said, her voice barely above a whisper. It took you a second to decode what she meant. Once you did, your brows furrowed. Maria mentally braced herself for whatever you had to say.

“Fury found out…?” She nodded, her expression weary. “How?”

“I don’t know. I thought we were discreet enough but- guess not.” She replies, avoiding eye contact. You didn’t quite understand why this seemed to bother her so much; agents went to each other for company all the time.

“Is that really the worst thing?” You asked. “Isn’t fraternization allowed now?”

“Typically, yes, but when you’re this high in the ranks…policy isn’t the only issue.”

She took a deep breath, contemplating how much she should say.

“They could use you as leverage, hurt..you…to get to me- or get something they want, if they know you’re significant to me.” She explains as you absorb her words. “I can’t risk that, y/n.”

You knew what that meant. You weren’t stupid. Her tone was final, as if her decision had been solidified.

“How long has he known?” You asked, your tone an attempt to be unwavering, but still shaky. “Three weeks.” She replied. “I don’t get it. Why are you only telling me this now?”

“I thought I could get you to end things with me, y'know, if I distanced myself, make it easier to let you go.” She finally meets your gaze. “I figured that would work..cause it was always what ended up happening anyways in the past, but I was wrong. You’re still here.”

“Why do we have to “end things”?”

“I told you why. It isn’t safe for you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, I can handle myself. I can fight them off.”

“I’m not saying you can’t, y/n, but let’s say one day you don’t..” she trailed off, “I don’t think I can live with myself knowing that it was my fault.”

The room fell silent as neither of you knew what to say. A part of you wished her initial plan worked - it would’ve been easier for the both of you, but of course you stayed, because you were too stubborn for your own good. Now it just hurt.

Maria wasn’t one to change her mind once she had a choice made, and seeing as she was no longer asking you to join her in bed, you assumed this was your cue to leave. Reluctantly, you got off her bed.

“Wait- y/n-“

She caught you just before you left the room. You turned back, your expression defeated. “..hm?”

“It’s late. Just stay.”

Just the words you were hoping to hear. Your shoulders slumped, as if a physical weight had been released. You shut the door behind you and carelessly discarded your clothing, crawling into bed next to her.

“I’m sorry it had to be like this.” She said with a sincere tone as she wrapped an arm around you.