Annie Vs Dating

This is a guy i blocked on badoo... i may have written a post about him. I know ive posted screen shots where I was telling my male friend about him, which led to the first penis pic my friend sent to try and help me with my reactions. This guy was firing up massive red flags of narcissism. I had told him on badoo that I wanted a relationship, However, I tend to say I would like platonic friends as I don't find myself attracted to anyone. So when I agree to meet for coffee and a chat for the first time I don't like to think of it as a date. I'm just meeting a potential new friend. This guy told me he sees it as a date and won't speak to anyone but me, he wanted to meet me, but it would be a date. If things don't work out he will move on. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that. I suggested that if we meet it just be a meeting of a new friend, he can talk to other women and date, but he did seem interesting and nice. But I have to be cautious because I've been hurt before too many times. So we just stay as friends. He was adamant that was not how he wanted to do things. So I said fine, we don't match up at all. Good luck with his search but I am not going to "commit" to someone I don't know/never met from only a few messages. He completely ignored that and began to ask where we were meeting etc etc. And I went into a panic attack. So eventually I calmed down and suggested somewhere, a coffee shop near me. However timing etc.. I am not free during the evenings. Conversation carried on and it was making me really nervous and uncomfortable. He was flipping things I was saying to try and explain my caution. I told him I was trying to learn to be confident and assertive with my boundaries given so many sexual assaults have happened to me. He then began to say things like "not all men" "he was beginning to feel uncomfortable about meeting me". So in response to that last comment I said "fine, don't meet me. It's okay with me. You contacted me, I'm explaining my caution. If that makes you uncomfortable then we don't meet." He again ignored it... really pushing to meet and also explain why I was wrong to be cautious. One more comment of "it's making me nervous about meeting you if you feel that way" and suddenly it suddenly clicked what he was doing. I had somehow been manipulated from saying no date to agreeing to date, and he was doing a lot of attempts at reverse psychology and various other things. So I blocked him without another word. That was on badoo A week or so later I joined Plenty of fish. The very same day (yesterday) who should message me acting like nothing had happened and I didn't block him on badoo but the same guy... cue panic attack. I have it utterly ingrained into me not to ignore anyone who talks to me until they show me a reason. The message itself was benign but I had blocked him in badoo and this was plenty of fish... what the hell... I had no idea what to do. So I asked my male friend, answer was to just block without responding. So i did. Covert Narcissists are my Achilles heel it seems. They throw me off and I'm vulnerable to them.

So I joined Plenty of Fish, curious as to if I would get the same level of sex crazed men approaching me on there. Turns out yes… omg. This isn’t the first one, I’ve only been signed up for a couple of days. Wake up this morning to a bombardment of messages so go to check and instantly get like 5 more. So… if people see you online early in the morning and they message You, it’s usually because they have morning wood it seems. Ugggh. Before I read this guys message i went on to his profile to have a read. It seemed okay. Then I read the message. 😐😑😐 My headline is “be respectful please.” And my “about me” states I’m not interested in casual sex or “sexting”. Come on guys!!! Seriously, an intellectually stimulating conversation is more likely to get me somewhat aroused and interested than just doing this right here.

No… no no no. Just no. Nothing else I could say to this. He asked why and I went off on a rant about child abuse and never ever crossing the lines with role play like that. And how about asking what a person would be interested in BEFORE you make a statement like that. I'm at that weird age where younger guys see me as a MILF and I'm being thought of as a fetish, in the creepiest way.

😐 I fail to see what is in that for me... No I don't want to watch you cum. That is going to do absolutely nothing for me. With a partner whom I love and loves me, sure... it's nice to know they have climaxed while we are being intimate, but random guys I don't know and didn't contact who simply saw my photo and got hard? No... noooo. Just no.

Having just said that was understandable because there are a lot of weirdos out there, he then asked if I like sex… um… 😐 so those weirdos you speak of, are you their leader? This conversation ended after that. Why must they always make it about sex? Come on guys, women want more than that. Take advice from a marriage/life coach I once saw a video of; men want sex, women want love. In order to get sex you have to give love. So you want a girl to play with your happy place… BE NICE TO THE GIRL!!! It’s not difficult.

So what I did not realise about badoo was the ability to video chat. After being told no to calling him the guy waits a day and then calls me... Which I declined. I said no dude! Don't be so rude!!

This encounter started on Sunday. I answered on Monday. And then I heard nothing until this morning. I'm going to label this under "wtf" and think perhaps this 24 year old male was bored with nothing else to do but try and pick a fight. Well I wasn't going to take the bait. The amount of compliments I get means I know full well there is nothing wrong with my face. But he contacted me so must have liked my face in the first place. Erk... Go take a nap and wake up in a better mood.

This is a bit of a two part encounter/story. Having been bombarded with "compliments" about my outward appearance I got tired and ran out of ways to eloquently say that does nothing for me and i would rather be complimented on my mind. So I just decided to respond with "ok" to the above guy. And that seemed to work. Hours later and still not further replies. Had i just cracked It? How to deal with this particular annoyance... was it really as simple as indifference and apathy? No it was not. In the middle of the night my phone vibrating alot woke me up. I opened this particular chat to find another unsolicited dick pic. But something was different. I wasn't panicking. The little favour I had asked my male best friend was working. So I decided to follow through with an idea I had spoken to said friend. I sent a dick pic back. And that worked. The response did make me laugh a bit. I don't like to be rude but come on! I don't want to see his penis! But it felt like a massive victory. Instead of panicking and not being able to think, I was calm, rolled my eyes and just responded the way I did without any difficulty. I am so grateful to my friend for helping me. It does not mean I'm "cured" so I have asked my friend to continue with our agreement. But I was so pleased I didn't panic this time. It was a momentous thing for Me, truly.

Okay so following on from my first unsolicited dick pic and realising my reactions were the same as when it's in person... I realised something drastic needed to be done and I had to somehow get myself to a point where I wouldn't react like that. I needed to get to a point where there was no shock, anxiety and fear so that I can think clearly and men who do this to me cannot use that reaction against me to force me to do things. Because they have and they do. So I had a really honest conversation with my male best friend. I trust this man implicitly, I trust him with my life. And I knew no matter what I asked of him he would help me. So I explained the situation, the dick pic and my reaction and how I need to change it. And I asked him to randomly send me dick pics (not his own, just random ones from the internet) while we are talking sometimes, when I am not expecting it. Now it may sound odd but I am hoping that because it is him and I trust him and know I am safe that eventually I will begin to associate this with him and that feeling of safety so that if it ever happens again, real life or internet... I won't be afraid and therefore will be able to think clearly and make myself very very clear that that is not acceptable and make the guy back off. He didn't laugh or find it weird. He understood. And he did it. And I cried. He doesn't like making me feel like that but knows it's important in helping change myself and therefore my life. This is not fun for me. I don't want this kind of attention. I don't want to be sexually assaulted. I want men to listen when I say no. And the men who do this to me have no idea what it is actually doing... either that or they don't care. It is damaging. Do not send women dick pics they didn't ask for or you didn't ask if they wanted. You have no idea what you could be doing to them. And it goes without saying... don't bully any one into sex (that goes for men and women)

So I got my first unsolicited dick pic. Out of the blue, wasn't expecting it or asking for it. I had got into what I thought was an intellectual discussion about biology and the human body. I wasn't giving any sexually flirting messages. I was just discussing how the brain makes oxytocin and dopamine during sex and physical contact like hugging. And the discussion was quite scientific and factual. I must be really naive because I said several times that I wasn't getting aroused talking about sex but I didn't mind discussing it because on a biological level it is a fascinating subject. And the subject was steered toward penis size, not by me... So I really must be naive thinking about it. But I had said that women's vaginas vary in length too, although I don't think it's as drastically as men varying lengths. If a man is too big for the woman it causes problems or if she is too long for the man etc... But men need to remember women need to be really relaxed and revved up enough and shouldn't just bang away as they are doing themselves and their partners a disservice by going fast and hard all the time. And then... there was a penis on my screen. And I think I had the most English response to it ever. But I noticed that my reactions were EXACTLY the same as the many times I've been cornered by a man and he decided to take his penis out in front of me uninvited. I went straight into panic mode, unable to really think, rigid body, flushed skin so much it hurt, wanting to vomit and cry. Which made me realise there is only so much learning to say the right things in the right way I can do. There is only so much learning to be assertive with my boundaries I can do. But if I ever get into a situation where a man backs me into a corner and gets his penis out... I'm straight back to square one and I'm in danger. Because that reaction is what they have always used against me. Once I'm in that state I'm in trouble and they can do whatever they like. Which led me to ask for help and take drastic action. But I will discuss that in another post. Sending a woman a dick pic she didn't ask for or you didn't ask if she wanted is literally like running up to her in the street and pulling it out in front of her... don't do it.

Another conversation from badoo. Really... Why don't people read profiles?? I state clearly no casual sex and I want platonic friendships for now. And I am not an object to own!! "I want..." "i'd like to have you..." talking to me like that is not going to get those wishes granted. After saying hello and then straight to that. And after being rude and disrespecting me over a simple request about not calling me pet names when I don't know him. I really don't understand why so many guys do this.

This is a two part story. The first photo is from a badoo conversation. I state extremely clearly more than once I do not want to have casual sex or friends with benefits etc. So this man said "i know you're not into fun..." I could not be bothered to explain my thoughts on why so called "fun" (casual sex) is not actually fun for me. So I didn't bother replying. However I showed the conversation to my best friend who is male. Up until now he has not passed any judgement of any kind and just said something like "wow" or 😐 or 🤤 to the things I've shown him. But now it's beginning to grate on his nerves how these men are speaking to me. And I laughed so much.

I can't even process this one. I've just had this conversation this morning not long after I woke up. In order to try and be fair... at least he was honest with what he would do to a partner. In my head that's a good thing so women know to avoid him. But... beaten up??? This is again from the BDSM site. And someone who has entirely missed the point of BDSM. this is NOT BDSM...I REPEAT NOT!!! this is ABUSE plain and simple. And I try not to be judgemental, the world is filled with all sorts of people. But I can't fathom this. Is there really any woman out there who actually WANTS domestic violence on this scale? Those words "beaten up"... that's not spanking, that's not safewords and paddles and respect while fulfilling each other's needs. This man wants to punch women. He wants to order a woman around and keep her literally... LITERALLY... as a slave. She would have no freedom at all. He wants to complete break a woman and have her do his bidding all the time or risk being beaten black and blue... but it's okay he won't break any bones!! Wtf!! Wtaf!!! Would anyone actually volunteer for this? I know it happens, but the women didn't realise that in the beginning. They didn't volunteer for abuse and domestic violence. But again, the only positive thing I can say about this encounter is at least he was up front and honest so women can go... nope. He doesn't see anything wrong with That?? At all? What kind of sociopath/psychopath is he? My god...

This is the beginning of the conversation I posted earlier. He began to give me red flags so I tried to point out he wasn't what I was looking for. That didn't go down too well. Submission is a gift not to be treated lightly. This is not a true Dominant. This is an example of an abuser. In one part he talks about liking an independent woman... But she must know she must ask permission for everything from her man. His English wasn't fantastic but that is the basics of what he was saying. Erm no... Maybe that works for some submissives provided their Dom is not a complete asshole. But from conversations I've had with people who are living the BDSM lifestyle ... mutual respect is so important and submission is generally only for the bedroom unless agreed upon for certain circumstances. For example, a lot of submissives have issues like anxiety and can get abused by family and friends in every day life. So their Dom makes certain rules about interaction with these abusive people and limits time or gives red flags of warnings about behaviour toward their sub about when to end a conversation or visit in order to keep their sub healthy and happy in body AND mind because their sub struggles to do these things themselves. A true Dom protects their sub. They don't need permission for things but they may need help navigating life. That is not what this guy is. A true Dom respects their subs feelings and opinions. They help to enhance their subs life and beautiful nature. They help to control that which their sub cannot.

This one is a really long winded encounter to explain. And there are too many photos to add. So I've only included the last 10. It comes from the BDSM site again. I did not initiate contact. Once the first message came through I looked at the guys profile and he was much younger than I am and also lived in Egypt. On my profile it clearly states (using the tools the website/app provides) the ages of the people I am wanting to connect with. He was not in that age bracket. He was well below it. But clearly had not looked down that far and just decided to contact me anyway. So quite early on, after I got the sense he was pushy and rude, I mentioned he wasn't what I was looking for because of his age and because of distance and that it does state the age thing on my profile. I was trying to politely end the conversation. He chose to tell me I was wrong. And badger and pester and bully. And even screen shot my profile and send it to me. Conveniently he didn't screen shot the bit where the age range is. Instead of just gracefully accepting my feelings he went into full blown narcissist mode when told no. Had this been in person I would have been in serious danger. I said about 8 times in the conversation no and goodbye. And then couldn't figure out how to block him as it was getting ridiculous and distressing. He was not listening to me at all. He pushed me to be rude. Eventually I found the block button. This was a very forceful and rude individual who was not respectful at all. Unfortunately I have encountered individuals like this in the real world and was sexually assaulted by them.

Well it finally happened... Someone finally pushed me to actually say the words "fuck off". After about 50 conversations with 50 different men in one week (I did not initiate any of those conversations, I put my profile up and left the app. I don't check out anyone's profiles on any of the apps unless they message me first) no one has pushed me to actually swear at them until now. The first two messages were in quick succession without giving me a chance to reply to the first one. From word go this guy got my back up. I feel no remorse with my final response. I wasn't even angry, genuinely laughing my head off.

The other thing he was curious about is seeing first hand the attention/assholes as a woman. So I gave him permission to make a profile somewhere using my photo. He won't keep it for long but morbid curiosity... FOR SCIENCE!! (Albeit social science and psychology). He hasn't made it yet but will keep you posted.