Just Another Theatre Geek

I’m not sure why people still follow this seeing as I haven’t posted in like a year. But anyway, about a month and a half ago, I closed my final University production (gasp). And in four months, I go to LA to perform in a showcase for industry professionals. WHAT. How did I get old?

Anyway, like I said, I just closed a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I was Puck and I had the most fun I have ever had onstage ever. It was directed by the same professor who has directed me in all of the University productions I’ve been in. Which was great because we knew how to work with each other. And also she is the greatest and basically my mentor. Love that woman. This was one of the most stressful productions I’ve been in. Puck is such a famous character, played by the likes of Stanley Tucci (I still love that I have played the same role as Stanley Tucci), and there are some people out there that are OBSESSED with Puck. Like, they go to see productions of the show JUST to see how their Puck is. Trust me. I’ve had like 4-5 people tell me they are obsessed with Puck. On top of all of that, I am a senior. There is a certain level of expectation from the underclassmen that comes with that. And I had never done Shakespeare. So obviously, I worked my ASS off. I came into the first rehearsal having already scanned all of my lines. On top of that, I had already figured out (mostly) what all of my lines meant and looked up what every single word I didn’t know/thought might be being used in a different context. It took me hours. The best compliment I got after a performance was “I can tell you put a lot of work into this” because I had. And then we started rehearsal and I still felt like the words were an obstacle for me. I spent the first 2 weeks of rehearsal stumbling around with the lines, confused about how to move (my director wanted a more masculine movement  than I was giving since Puck in our production was androgynous), and not really sure of my character. But then one rehearsal, everything started to fall into place. I just made choices about how I felt about everyone in the play, and ran from there. Amazing, how simple actor things like making choices frees you. It is almost like that is what I have been told for four years. Soon, the words came easier and I had created my version of Puck. I was basically a Shakespearean Peter Pan, who thought girl faeries were gross/stupid/found silly things exciting and mortals were plain idiotic (that one is pretty obvious). Then, I started to have fun. I was part deer, so I pranced around every time I was excited. I took utter joy in teasing Oberon and messing with the mortals. And in the end, I loved confusing the audience by begging the question: did you just dream all of this or did it happen?

In all, I had so much fun. It was one of the hardest productions I have ever worked on. I felt a lot of pressure to live up to the expectations of the role and to set an example for the rest of the cast in rehearsal. But in the end, I would do it all over again. A million times.

Hey there! I am really sorry if this is belated, but this account doesn’t like to notify me when I have messages. Sorry!

I only auditioned at three schools: Missouri State University, Webster University, and Chapman University. I was accepted to Missouri State and Chapman. I also applied to Cal State Fullerton’s program, but their acting program didn’t have an audition portion (now that I know more about degree programs, I should really look to see if that was a BA program but that is aside from the point). 

What happens in the room will definitely effect your acceptances, but part of it also just has to do with you as a person. You won’t be right for certain schools and they won’t be right for you. I don’t remember my audition for Webster very well, but I do know that I didn’t feel terrible about it. It was my second audition, so it wasn’t a learning curve for me or anything. There, they simply didn’t think I would succeed in their program. Which sucks, but there is nothing I could do about it. It doesn’t always have to do with your talent level or how well you did in the audition. The interview portion is so important as well. I guess it is sort of hard to explain, but schools will have different…personalities I guess and if you don’t mesh with that, there is not anything you can do. 

I don’t remember any of my auditions as standing out from any others (as either great or terrible), so I suppose I might not be giving the best answer here. I just know that I gave similar auditions at all three, and two of them really liked me. The third didn’t. The two that accepted me thought that based on what I did in the audition and my interview, I would mesh with their programs well. Who knows, maybe Webster thought I was terrible, but I know that I am getting an incredible training where I am now, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. 

Basically, give your all in your audition, and know that after you leave, there are so many outlying factors that contribute to your being accepted or not. Don’t beat yourself up over the rejections: you have no idea why you were rejected. Rejoice over the acceptances and meet the faculty at the schools you are accepted to! A huge factor in my decision was they vibe I got from the schools I auditioned at. One of them I really loved, the other not so much.

As we approach our final performances of columbinus, a little knot in my stomach grows bigger and bigger. These past six weeks have been some of the most fulfilling, difficult, emotionally and physically draining, and beautiful weeks of my life. I have had the honor and pleasure of working with some of the most talented theatre artists that I have come across in my few years, and for that I am forever grateful. 

What is so incredible to me is that in just six short weeks, I have gained such a huge attachment to my fellow actors. I guess it is hard to not grow close to people that you spend four hours a night, five nights a week with, but it still amazes me. We are actually going to face separation anxiety when it is all said and done, and I don't think a single one of us is prepared to deal with that reality. 

I have absolutely loved telling this story. Yes, it is a difficult story to tell, and yes I sometimes face mild episodes of anxiety when thinking about performing this piece, and yes I walk out of that theatre every evening weighed down by the sorrow I feel for the victims of the Columbine attack and a pit in my stomach for the tragedy that is the lives of two truly intelligent and promising young men who turned to violence and pure, utter hatred. But I shake it off, joke with my cast, and remind myself that we, as theatre artists, tell the most ugly, difficult stories because they need to be told. I don't know the effect that our production has had on it's audiences, but I hope that people walk out of the theatre every night with a new way of looking at themselves and those that surround them. I doubt our production of columbinus will evoke a change in gun laws or the way we deal with outcasts or those with mental health issues. But maybe we at least caused our audiences to question the way they view others. And if we did that, then I am happy. We told our ugly story, and someone is better because of it. And that is truly beautiful. 

But now, I have to say goodbye to that. I am so lucky: we got a very long run for a college performance (11 shows vs. the typical 4), but that doesn't make it any easier. 

i am so honored that I was trusted with telling this story, and I am a better artist because of it: this show reignited my passion for theatre, changed me in ways I can't even begin to explain, and connected my cast mates and I in a way that I doubt I will ever experience again. 

It will be heartbreaking to say goodbye.

For now,