you come back with gravity

✦ *

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧: late afternoon 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞: a random sidewalk near ‘off the hook’ aquarium.

timmy seemed overly distracted most of the day. he was so distracted that he fell right into the shark exhibit.. thankfully no one saw besides the other diver and thankfully he already was geared up and ready to go. after examining the shark they needed to and finishing up the necessary paperwork afterwards he and his coworker both decided to call it an early night– timmy clearly needed some shut eye. 

he tossed his backpack over his shoulder and started down the sidewalk to his bike. but got lost in thought once again and paused in his steps seemingly staring across the street. he wasn’t paying attention just standing in the middle of the sidewalk in his own world. it felt like he had been standing their an eternity when he was snapped out of it by the sound of another’s voice.

“o-oh! i’m sorry. i was just-” he stumbled over his words now embarrassed when he realized what he had done and how he probably looked like a major idiot. “oh gosh. i’m sorry what where you saying?”

open starter for: @crescentstarters​

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It was a relatively long walk to work from where she lived now, but Anna mostly enjoyed it. She wouldn’t walk back in the dark, certainly, but on the way to the shift it was usually pretty fun. Getting lost in the hum of the music made it pass in no time. And yet, as she was passing the aquarium, she caught sight of someone who seemed even more lost in their thoughts than her. She popped one earbud out, and joked, “you know you’re stood in the middle of the fuckin’ sidewalk, right?” 

There was no response. She furrowed her eyebrows until he jumped out of his stupor. “You’re stood in the way- you good, man?”

NATE: Why don't we just celebrate dad's newest business deal instead

ANNA: why don't u stop being a dick

ANNA: let me know if u wanna do something today whether it includes mom and dad or not

who : @annablackwood​

where : the lighthouse

Whether Billie possessed the right to have an opinion on Anna Blackwood’s life wasn’t up for debate. She did not. She did not have a right. Over and over again, she disappointed the blonde with empty promises and lack of commitment. In much of her life she took responsibility for her wrongs, worked actively to be better to herself and therefore others. With the blonde girl that held a grasp on her heart, too many secrets kept Billie in her cycle of destruction. The past felt unfix-able. More so the past felt as if it was repeating itself. The check sent a message to the woman that there was no world in which Billie Davis lived happily ever after with Anna Blackwood.

Billie sat on the wall separating the land from the sea, stone and grey. Her legs dangled, just barely missing the water as the sun dipped below the horizon line. Darkness would fall quickly, they wouldn’t realize as night crept in. The night felt still - quieter than normal, like everyone else had plans.  “I just don’t get how living with your dad is your only option.” Her face unable to hide the frustration boiling in her. A deep sigh escaped through her nose, as the tension in her chest only grew. Her fingers rubbed her eyes, exhaustion embedding itself behind the sockets. “What about Nate?”

Billie knew this conversation needed to be about more than that. It needed to be about Valentine’s Day. It needed to be about how poorly she handled everything. It needed to be about the lies. But, she couldn’t.

.

She had wondered, just for a moment, whether she should have agreed to spend time with Billie. It wasn’t good for her own wellbeing, that was for fucking sure, but even since everything, she found it indescribably hard to say no to the woman. But now they were sat relatively far apart, and she was focused on the repetitive motion of the waves. It was better than focusing- her. Anna supposed. It was getting her out of the fucking house, which was only ever a good thing now. Her chest ached to go back to her old tiny apartment, with its shitty lighting and broken radiator. She’d do anything to be there right now. 

“It isn’t.” The girl said, pulling a loose thread from her sleeve. It pulled too much wool, creating a whole in the arm that she couldn’t help but stare at for a moment. “They aren’t my only option they’re just- fuck, well, they aren’t gonna let me live anywhere else.” She shrugged. “Mom said they’re worried about me, which is bullshit, because she hasn’t worried about me since I was 5, and I don’t think Dad ever has but- fuck, I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. Sorry.” For a second, she let her gaze flicker to Billie, and a smile made its way to her face without permission. A slight one. “They said I have to live with them for now, which- I dunno, I haven’t fucked up majorly for a while, I don’t know why they suddenly decided.” 

One fist clenched as she asked the next question, not wanting to be so pathetic as to ask, but needing to know. “How are you doing- y’know. Since everything. I haven’t seen you in a fuckin’ while.”

ANNA: you're older!!!!! fucking congratulations!!!!

ANNA: please come to the house and pretend to celebrate your birthday so im not alone with them

Her days off left Nadia with a lot of time to think about things if she didn’t have much going on. Sometimes it was good, like thinking about checking in on Anna but sometimes it brought her back to thinking about her biological mother. Especially now when it was around the time she had died. It had been almost twenty years but it still stung in Nadia’s chest and having Anna come over that quick gave her something else to think about and look forward too so when there was a knock on the door the brunette quickly skipped over to open it, a bright smile as she saw her old friend. ❛ That’s no problem, ❜ she beamed, stepping back and allowing Anna inside.  ❛ Make yourself at home. Do you want anything to drink, or a snack? ❜

.

She slipped inside with a smile, already more relaxed than she’d felt for the last several days. Talking to Nadia was simple, weirdly. It felt like there should be more tension involved, but maybe that was just how every other relationship in her life was currently. Maybe that wasn’t how things were actually supposed to be. God, living with her Mom was fucking with her head. “I actually- brought drink,” she said, raising the bottle. “But I’d love some chips, actually. Got any?”

The door opened, and she grinned. “Thanks for letting me over.”

Nadia: Glad to hear!

Nadia: We can definitely be at my place, all good here just a crazy cat somewhere around haha

Nadia: Everything okay at home?

Anna: yeah except i live with my parents now lmao

Nadia: Hey I know it's been a while and we're not as close as we used to be... But after the gala I just wanted to check in and see if you're okay?

Nadia: I hope things have sorted themselves out but if they haven't I'm always here as a distraction or company if you want to talk! Hope you have a nice weekend ❤️

Anna: hey yeah no its nice of u to check in, im doing well

BILLIE: are you moving in with your parents?

ANNA: thats

ANNA: hey i think we gotta talk

ANNA: like a? we havent spoken since my bday and i miss you we gotta talk

ANNA: not a "im mad at u" we gotta talk

ANNA: tho i am mad

ANNA: but not at you

Concern sobered him, had his brows narrowing in a silent plea for information, for somewhere to direct the myriad of emotions that flooded him at the state of his sister. Pressing the door closed behind her and effectively cutting off the chill that had blown in on her heels, he was crossing the space between them until he was standing before her, hands stretched halfway into the empty space between them as if to offer some sort of physical comfort. But he faltered, unsure, hands falling back to his sides.

And then she began speaking and the words alone were nearly enough to knock his feet out from under him. His lungs seized and cracked on an inhale, his glass heart, so fragile and chipped, whittled away until it no longer resembled the thing that kept him alive, rallied against its cage of bone. He was aware that this wasn’t about him, this wasn’t about his own heartbreak– the one that still haunted him so freely in the night. But he couldn’t help but draw those comparisons anyway. How many months had he been trying to do just that? Stop loving a ghost? Stop trying to grasp at smoke as if he could somehow cradle it in his palms? 

He had no words for comfort here. In the midst of all his failure, perhaps this was his biggest. His inability to let go. Seeing his pain, her pain, written so plainly across her face, made him feel so infuriatingly helpless. He’d be a hypocrite to offer her any sort of advice. He was a fucking mess who hid behind whiskey and a wall of anger. He had no business in this delicate moment.

So, he did the only thing he could think to do. There was only a moment of hesitation as he closed the small distance and pulled her into his chest, arms wrapping around her back as he held her. A commiseration, a comfort, maybe. Two broken souls with nowhere left to go.

Tenderness had never been synonymous with the Blackwood name, but for a long moment, Nate just held her. And then he took a step back, looking down at her with intent. “Don’t worry about my shit. Ever. You, Anna– you are the best of us. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t see that. You hear me? It is going to hurt like hell, and honestly, I don’t know if it’s ever going to stop. And as far as I’m concerned, no one deserves you. But I fucking promise, you’re going to find someone who comes pretty damn close.”

.

They didn’t do this, not really. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her cry, and she definitely couldn’t name the last time she’d seen him cry. But he understood, he really did, and even if he hadn’t let her in on the details, she knew he’d been here. She could only hope that Billie wasn’t her Verity because if she- if she fucking turned into Nate, then she didn’t know what to do next. The world didn’t need two heartbroken Blackwoods.

If she could think about anything other that what was currently overwhelming her, she probably would have felt guilty for thinking that. There was something in his eyes, a dimmer, numbed version of what she was sure was echoed in hers. 

As he wrapped her in her arms, she felt every last scrap of composure fall away. Not that she’d had much previous. Her mind couldn’t help but wander to their parents, thinking of how little softness they’d taught them. Nate was angry with the world, and everyone could judge him all they fucking wanted for it, but they hadn’t been raised by the people he had. You didn’t learn kindness from Raymond Blackwood, you learned insidiousness, and manipulation, and a lack of care for anything but yourself and your image. In this moment, with her brother being kind to her, a skill he had learnt entirely without help, she felt angry at everyone else in the world.

Though she’d come here specifically to talk about Billie, now that she had, she wanted desperately to change the subject. She wondered if he’d let her move on, now that she’d had her cry. “None of us are the best of us- I dunno. I’m not better than you, I just got out.” She pulled out of the hug, her eyebrows furrowed, trying to pretend she didn’t have stupid little mascara stains under her eyes, “Of course I worry about your shit, you fucking idiot. Are you okay?”

ANNA: i have an issue

ANNA: and i feel shit asking u but u are my nicest, most handsome, most talented, smartest etc friend

“You can’t ask a question like that. One?” She fell back on the bed in a dramatic sigh. Picking favorites were never something she enjoyed. Billie didn’t like how restraining dubbin something her favorite felt. “Chaka Khan.” Only a brief moment passed. “Prince..” She corrected herself. Her hands ran over her face as if Anna asked gave her a Sophie’s Choice. “But like.. Janis Joplin and even Fleetwood Mac - God, but what about the new bands I like..” She shook her head. Her music taste included most genres, from old to new. “Maybe Billie Holiday, I’m named after her.” She had never told anybody that before.

Billie slid out from under the blonde, carefully. She walked over to her crate of records, a mixture of things she found in her dad’s things her mom never went through and cheap buys from the store in town. She’d seen that movie Almost Famous and for a second desired being a music critique. Rifling through she pulled out a Billie Holiday record. She played I’ll Be Seeing You, before laying down beside Anna.

“I know it’s cheesy and not really our thing..” Her eyes traced down Anna’s arm, watching as her own fingers intertwined with hers. “But, would you want to go to that homecoming dance?” She giggled at the words. Billie never went to dances or games or much of the things most high schoolers look forward to.

.

“Just did.” Anna responded, poking her tongue out slightly. She loved who she could be with Billie, this teasing, almost cheeky- it wasn’t a persona she could ever have around her parents. She listened to her girlfriend list artists, running them through her mind as she did so. All were excellent options - she loved Billie’s taste in music. “Are you?” She smiled lazily. “I love that. I don’t think I’m named after anyone.” 

Watching as she flicked through her records, Anna sat up, pushing herself back against the headboard. Her ankles crossed, legs outstretched, she felt more at peace than she had in a good while. Never as peaceful as when it was just her and Billie. “Mmm, I love this one.” So much so, in fact, that she hopped off the bed and grabbed her hand, pulling her into a waltz position. Her head rested on Billie’s shoulder, having to strain a little with the height difference. 

At her next question, her eyes sparkled. “Yeah! Yeah, that sounds-” it would be the most public display of their relationship so far, one Raymond Blackwood absolutely couldn’t ignore. But it would be worth it, wouldn’t it? “Who cares if it’s not our thing? We deserve to have it.” Her voice was low, more of a whisper into her ear, not wanting to disrupt the music. 

Billie’s eyes outlined each of Anna’s features over and over. They traced the curve of her eyes to the sharpness of her jaw. She knew every birthmark by now. The shade of green of Anna’s eyes matched the hue of the trees in spring. She fingers brushed the hair from the blonde’s face, tucking it behind her ear. Her hand rested on the top of her head, thumb grazing her hair repetitively.  A moment of silence fell between them. Everything was quiet, allowing them to hear the distance noise of a car driving down the dark neighborhood street. Billie could convince herself they were the only people awake in this town.

“We could go to so many small gigs. New York dive bars are probably where all the cool people start you know?” She spoke softly, words whispered as if she’d wake the neighbors. “We could go to the The Palladium..” Billie referred to a club she read about in Rolling Stone magazine. No part of her believed any of this to be possible, but it was fun to dream if only for a little while. “Live in a little shoe box apartment..” She smiled softly. Billie leaned down pressing a kiss onto Anna’s forehead, kissing down her nose, reaching her lips.

“Hold on, don’t move.” She leaned back, still allowing Anna’s head to rest on her lap. Reaching towards her dresser, she grabbed her little film camera. Billie brought it to her eye, snapping a picture, hoping to remember this for the moment. She placed the camera down next to her on the bed. “You’re really pretty..”

.

“If you could go to any concert, of any artist, alive or dead, who would it be?” Anna loves hypotheticals. With them, you can be anywhere wherever you are. A year ago, everything she has with Billie would have seemed like some far-fetched hypothesis. Now, feeling the warmth of her girlfriend beneath her, literally close enough to touch, everything is real. The feel of Billie against her makes her feel alive, delighted and calmed all at once. They seem to have their constant conversation starter with music, but it really could be anything at all. 

Music is important to Anna in a way she barely knows how to describe, knows that the way she feels here is the same she feels when she’s sat behind a drum kit. Looking at her, she’s perhaps not the most obvious drummer, but she loves it. She keeps the beat steady, keeps them in time. Though she isn’t centre-stage, and never will be, she’s vital. As needed as these moments are, when she has no responsibilities in the world, Anna will always crave her own importance. 

Dreaming about the future with Billie seems so far away, but any type of relationship with a girl had seemed far away just a short while ago. “That sounds nice.” She grins lazily as she’s kissed, and scrunches her eyes closed as her photo is taken. Her nose wrinkles, oh so happy where she is. “Mmm, so are you, babe,” she reaches out to grab her hand, pulling it between both of her own.