Imma Stray

I feel that my life is crumbling at times but I make do. Though the haunting of feeling lonely kills me all the time. I don’t have friends that are in my area or people I can trust. I mainly stay inside because due to my anxiety and depression because sometimes it’s hard to go out and enjoy life. I also feel I’m not good enough to be friends with people and make new connections. Almost like nobody wants me. So times I feel that I’ve made a friend I self sabotage for it to blossom into anything. This why I feel the way I do.

Either I get too excited or seem weird to people. I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. I look to God for answers and he tells me he’s always with me yet I still feel lonely.

The other day my roommate moved out and now my apartment feels so empty and I feel truly alone. I know I have my dog and God with me yet the feeling is still there.

From multiple therapy sessions to alcohol abstinence groups, I feel I don’t have the answers. Then it has me wondering, why do I feel so different? Why am I the one with no friends? When will my time come to be happy with life’s simple pleasures of connection? I ask God about that too.

I want to feel content. I want my apartment to have sound again. I want to feel normal.

I’ve been to different countries with different lifestyles and I should feel grateful for what I have. I thank God for giving me these perspectives yet it’s not enough. Does that make me ungrateful? Have I succumbed to greed for wanting more?

Overall, without me babbling on and on about unfortunate times I say this:

I just want a friend. A friend that will stay. Someone who’s close by that will be there for me and I will with them. Someone that makes my day brighter every time I see them. Someone who will fight for me and to have movie nights and gab about the book we’re reading. We can go to flea markets or make spontaneous trips to where ever and just be. To make memories to make the short time we have on this Earth, well, memorable.