this is no place for a child

seeing men on their knees awakens something so primal within me. Like it’s borderline pathological

[REALLY NORMAL VOICE] you can stay down there, if you want. i don’t give a shit. Or anything

My ideal date? You release me into the wild to hunt me for sport on your remote island BUT I’m not very good at hiding so you find me within 20 minutes. You hold the gun to my face but there is something so earnest in my eyes and hands that you cannot carry through. You pick me up and carry me back to your mansion. I am so polite and charming that you nurse me back to health. You grow to love and trust me despite the fact you’re holding me hostage after I fell of a charter vessel bound for Brazil. You buy me new clothes and have them shipped to the island. I kiss you good morning every day. You propose marriage. I accept. We skype in a priest and get married with the butler as our witness. That night I kill you and the butler. I redistribute your wealth. I live in the mansion on the abandoned island for the rest of my days. I study snail ecology. I never remarry. You were the love of my life but you were too dangerous and evil to live. I am buried next to you. The tides eventually wash our bodies away. Into the depths of the ocean, together.

For some reason as a like 5 or 6 year old I got one of those dolls that can pee and I remember being really frustrated that the pee went straight through it and there was no transformation of fluids involved, so I decided to make blueprints for dolls that had an actual digestive system & organs & all that. I was also a fan of Star Wars at the time so this resulted in my mom finding a notebook full of naked Star Wars characters (Yoda & his penis included) that I got in huge trouble for.