Hoetry

Sleep, sleep, sleep

sneak and creep out

A bump in the night

walk, trip

burning burning burning

sit, quiet, listen

bursting, bubbling

escape, evacuate

turn, go back, no more

sleep, sleep, sleep

Eyes are the window to the soul

but my eyes are only a reflection

of you, bright blue, I am not me

but I am you, junior 20 years.

I want my hair to frame my face so that

it might change its shape I look just like you.

My name is not my own, merely a

Bastardization of yours,

A legacy I didn’t ask for.

The crooked way I walk, the vulgar way I talk

I cannot escape the mark you have left on me.

You are in my temper, you are in my scream

you are in my snarl, I don’t want you to be seen.

I will never be free of the way you've made me.

My blue eyes, a gift from you, I want to gouge them out

I want to scoop them from my skull with a fucking spoon.

My hair can't grow fast enough when I look in the mirror

I can’t seem to find the pieces of me, I can only see you.

Yes, scars run deep and you have left your mark,

But there’s one thing I don’t have.

I can’t help but stare

into the possibilities

twisting twisting twisting 

an itch to be scratched until it bleeds

a drink to be binged, addiction to feed

everything’s out, the room needs to be cleaned

no filter on speech, actions,  or misdeeds

conscious thought does little to impede

I don’t want to go to sleep.

Sleep comes anyways.

Inescapable, unavoidable.

I do not sleep soundly, no

I am haunted by my dreams

decapitation, laceration

I wake up short of breath.

I lie there, staring at the wall

Words written with an unsteady hand

Body trembling with fear

The world is crashing all around me

Eyes overflowing with tears

Overwhelming thoughts

Flooding my brain

Coursing through my veins

I am bursting at the seams

Internally screaming

"Why am I even here"

I am stuck here

Physically, mentally

There is no escape

Trapped within this

Never-ending hellscape

To love is to love all

the good, bad, and broken

yet my expectation of you is

that you will forgo this

Consonants scraping vowels

Slipping past tooth and tongue

misting the air with its sound.

Secrets and stories

caressing my neck, my ear

breathing a lifetime

into hours, minutes

until I am closer