I know this is my jewelry business Tumblr, but I've been at odds with my feelings lately, and thought if I write this down, and go back, it'd help me. I was 17, and just left home early during 12th grade, and was staying at first with friends. One of my good friends, also a kid that left home early, lived in a home her mom owned and was throwing a party. Now I'd only drank once before, after prom, so I had no experience or tolerance with alcohol, but we started drinking back then what was called hunch punch. I started not feeling well, and was pretty wasted. My friend sent me to her room to lie down and I was out cold immediately.
I woke, I don't know how long after that to 3 boys from school taking turns with me and doing things to me in awful ways. I don't remember a lot of it, except flashes of their faces and other things and the messed up things they said, me coming in and out of consciousness and saying no, other times trying to say no. Hearing "here you get her now" and just disgusting things. After, they left me there like that and I went back out cold, to wake in the morning completely distraught and having to go to school. My friend says "Kim, I think you should know that they are already talking about how you wanted it and calling you a whore and slut. I was devastated.
I got out at school to everyone starring at me, pointing, laughing. One boy had a girlfriend and her and her friends were popular cheerleaders, they were talking about me and making fun of me. I felt victimized again, all while I couldn't stop thinking about how "down there" not only hurt, but disgusted me. It was another horrifying day in 2, and I was never the same again. I stopped trusting men, other women, my depression I already had from things those kids had no idea I had already been through in my short life got far worse. I was called a liar, told I wanted it, how I shouldn't have gotten drunk. Not once did I tell on them to anyone. Not once did I say anything to them, I did what I was taught, which was take the violence , shut up and move forward. I didn't even tell my parents until 4 years ago. I held it in all those years, stumbling through relationships, struggling to get close to others, struggling sexually. I ended relationships for something simple as someone that loved me wanting to touch me down there. I felt dirty, I had extreme flashbacks if they did.
I spent the better part of my life pushing pain and anguish down locked away, or so I thought until I had a nervous breakdown costing me my business I worked for for 20 years. Why? Because we moved back to my hometown and I ran into one of the guys in the grocery store and he followed me and said hi and was trying to talk to me. I've never once uttered those 3 guys names in all these years. Ones dead, one tried to kill himself and he's not all there and one is married w kids in Florida.
Still to this day, I shudder and panic thinking of that night, the flashes of them I see in my head. Had one of them gotten me pregnant and I'd have been forced to have the child, I likely wouldn't be here, I almost stopped myself from being here a few times. One of the guys high school girlfriends is a friend now on Facebook. When I tried to talk about it once, she told me "we were all just kids", but no, no we weren't, we were 17, and I was drunk, and those 3 boys raped me. I said no, I meant no, drunk or not.
How many Kim's are there out there right now, at a party, drunk for the first time ever, getting raped by 3 boys that may have to carry her rapists child? You're going to see a lot of suicides soon. It's our choice. We already were victimized once and had our choice taken. Don't take it again and victimize us more.
#abortion #senatehearing #rapesirvivor
blakekathryn
jacobvanloon
pixelskylines
