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@angelrwhite
taking some time to do some kind things for myself. here are a few i chose to do:
added blood oranges to my bath;
lit my favorite incense;
listened to music that curves the corners of my lips;
and read a book that launched me into a world with no borders.
we all deserve a little tender kindness. consider doing the same?
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20/21 february 2021
a quick work trip allowed me some time to really dedicate my attention to wrapping up a book i’ve been reading for months and clear up a mounting personal to-do list.
i think it’s clear that i am much more productive outside of my home. at the airport, i set up a make shift desk on top of my luggage where i cleaned out my email inbox and tidied up my desktop. i tried to read after, but my curiosity for the thousands of lives walking by me at the gate kept me pretty distracted.
reading 10,000+ miles in the sky is always an opportunity for mindfulness. the slow sliding show of clouds outside my window seat. the rapid change of pressure is felt inside of me. i’ll read a line or two *pressure* hold my nose and swallow *pop* recenter and bring myself back to the next line of text.
meditative practice ftw.
17 february 2021
building playlists has totally become a thing in my life. i’m creating them to fit all my various moods and needs. i created one a few weeks back for my power hrs. it’s basically the pomodoro technique, but instead of focusing on a task uninterrupted for 25 mins, I do an hour. this playlist gives all the peaceful productivity vibes. super alt, but still palatable. i think it feels like this photo I took in savannah in the back of an uber in 2019. check it out here. message me any of your playlists and have a friend in me forever. 🖤
15 february 2021
bipoc female authors have shaped me into the women i am today.
their books were the hands, their words were the tools and my mind was the material: a hunk of polymer clay waiting to be worked into a masterpiece. each passage carved out a little here, while each character etched out a little there. their ability to lend language to a young, black women navigating a world that worked to silence her voice, provided me with tremendous courage to take up space. to exceed far beyond what was ever expected.
maya. alice. clarissa. toni and pictured, nayyirah (just to name a few.)
it’s our annual black history year and i’ve included these amazing women (and some men) over on a special list on my bookshop. check it out and let me know of any other recommendations you all have.
i’m an open book (pun intended.)
06 february 2021 *lunch break* this meal brings me so much comfort. it instantly takes me to my childhood home where i watched my mom mash, mold and dip our patties into a cast iron skillet of crackling oil and butter. life is beautiful because i found myself doing her same dance as i mashed, molded and dipped my own. 🖤 salmon croquettes on green mix with cucumber, tomato, orange pepper and avocado tossed in a homemade dressing. pairing it with one of my current reads. i’ve been thoroughly enjoying something more by sarah ban breathnach. i’ll be preparing this meal again soon in that making things in any capacity is bringing me much joy.
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my favorite time of year: morning.
30 january 2021
it is only noon (12:22 pm to be exact) and i’ve seen 222 at least 6 times today. this sequence has a spiritual representation of expansion and cooperation with your inner self and others. today i was deeply intrigued with the concept of being kind. of being a good steward over my relationships. of living and leading with love. of aligning myself with the deep desires of my being.
i started my day with that in mind: yoga, prayer, journaling, coffee and of course, a book. women who run with the wolves has required a new level of persistence in my reading. it has taken me months, but today i reached the halfway mark. in this stage of my life, the small wins feel just as important as the large ones. small things bring me great joy.
so now, i’m flowing through a soft to-do list under cloudy skies and the clicking and clacking of my keyboard is music to my ears.
28/29 January 2021 days like these remind me of the magic. those days that feel as easy as remembering my name. i began songwriting again. the fact that i’ve gone months as an artist and had not had the courage or motivation to place pen to paper really scared me. i wasn’t sure i’d ever find joy in it again. yesterday i did. i wrote without attachment. sung without reservation. felt freely. i celebrated with a walk outside in 40 degree weather. my partner and i stopped by a local japanese restaurant and scoured down the tastiest veggie ramen we’d ever tried. (it rivaled our own little recipe!) the sun set on us. our noses dripped as we walked back to our car. the whip of the winter wind was oddly comforting. days like these remind me of the magic.
Being a creative is a beautiful torture.
@angelrwhite
My Tumblr posts are always like three days late. Lol But yea, I crossed paths with SZA at SXSW and was pleased to find out she’s super regular. (Not in the bad basic kind of way, but more like the “Oh shit, she’s super cool” kind of way.) Thanks for the picture. It was a great time and great show. 💫 ✨
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Day 00? - Atlanta, GA
I'm consumed with an anxious peace. I'm torn between a peaceful spirit and an anxious mind. Yesterday, I released my first song off my upcoming EP, Love Notes. The track is titled "Eternity" and I've had it for almost a year, so by this time, everything around me is saying, "Put it out already!" My mind, being the way it is, was hesitating for numerous reasons (fear, critiques, resources) and since the release, has now transformed it's hesitation to anxiousness. There's no winning honestly, but it's all good. No matter what my mind felt my spirit was always in tune with God and its universe. The time never felt right until now. Until this season. Until this alignment of circumstances and with it brings an indescribable peace. My entire demeanor is calming. I feel the creator covering me with favor and draping me with comfort. As I reflect, I see I'm doing all I can do God, so tag, it's on you... Until next time.
Day 025 - Atlanta, GA
My entire life I've experienced the historic struggle of head and heart. The mental versus the spirit. The logic versus the feeling. It's not exclusive to my situation for we've all fallen victim to the limitations realistic thinking confines us to. For a little over two years, I've worked at a job I've despised. Well, to be clear, no, it didn't begin that way, but with time, my heart's cries have become louder and louder forcing me to finally listen. This all started as a source of income to create music. I'd already made the decision to pursue music professionally, but needed money to actually get things moving. So, I picked up a job at [shall remain nameless] and begin to financially fuel my creative process. I'd only planned on being there a year, but a year slowly turned into a year and a half, to now two years. My mind telling me as I wake and get dressed for work, "We need the security this job brings. The comfort it brings to our lives. Why risk such a secure situation?!" The morning mantra became louder, and louder. An internal battle ensued as my mind filled me with fear of fantasizing while my heart pleaded for an escape from realism. I prayed, cried, journaled, yelled, ran, walked, scribbled, sang and so on to find some relief, until I heard, "Be still." A soft, yet familiar voice. One so nostalgic that I immediately began to see visions of all that my creator had for me. It was God. A God sent message asking for submission. See, I was trying to figure it all out on my own, but in this moment that wasn't my job. At that moment, my spirit, my persistent heart had won. I'd made the choice to listen to the voice and finally follow my feeling. My heart has won. I'll be leaving my job at the end of the year and am excited about this leap of faith. I'm risking it all for my dreams. No plan B. Just a plan of faith. I believe. God put a conscious, a spirit, a feeling, a compass within us to lead us in the right direction. Sometimes we have to learn to stop thinking and just start feeling. Until next time. Post Script Tumblr made me do it.
Day 0?? - Atlanta, GA
It’s been a long time. I shouldn’t have left you. Cause all I had were these thoughts to keep me company. Okay, okay, that’s enough. Forgive my feeble attempt at a Timbaland Introduction.
I’ve been away because I had to reevaluate my reasoning for these entries. Things were becoming a bit constructed and political. This was created so I could have moments of honesty and bring clarity to a cluttered storehouse in my mind. Not to overthink my subject-verb agreement and if my writing was colorful enough for my “audience” of two. (Hi. 😊)
I used to think I possessed a blood orange spirit. An intensive and passionate, Care-free, go-with-the-flow kinda vibe, but as I grow older that warm hue is becoming one that is much cooler. Maybe even colder. My spirit is transforming into a hue of blue characterized by analytics and deconstructs.
*sighhhhh*
It hinders me creatively. Overly thinking is the antithesis of creativity. It makes something pure and spiritual now tainted by notions and judgements not of ones own nature. You have to exercise your ability to become vulnerable. Naked. Bare. It’s the only way to delve into the abyss of your own creativity. “You have to become comfortable in discomfort.” tells Self.
And that, my dear, is the quote of the day.
Post Script
Tumblr made me do it
Day 013 - Atlanta, GA
I'm stalling.
I'm stalling, I'm stalling.
I'm stalling, I'm stalling; I'm stalling.
But, why?
Aha, the thousand dollar question. This week I began the recording process of a song I'm working on for my EP. It was an amazing session and the song is progressing quite blessedly, but the thought of this private moment in my mind becoming a public display freaks me out.
This thought alone let's me in on how I am in need of a confidence that is of divine nature. Nothing I could conjure up with my feeble attempts, but something that is gifted to me through a power greater than myself. Greater than us all. It is important to understand that while there is power in self, there is greater power in God and both are necessary to battle the insecurities that come with this journey.
Ask me two years earlier what I thought this musical journey would be, and a spiritual renewal and awakening would have been the furthest from my mind. I didn't know the immense vulnerability I would have to wander as a singer/songwriter. I didn't know the strength I would need to be fearless.
Day 008 - Atlanta, GA
From a soft-spoken thought in my mind to a moment of true fruition. The fruit of my labor is slowly, but surely coming to pass and all I can do is thank my God.
My God, my God.
This moment is truly breathtaking. While it may appear that I am extremely dramatizing a minor step forward in the release of my first musical project, I am simply celebrating the small victory. I'm celebrating the small step I have taken in my God-given destiny -- a destiny that has lived (and survived) in the most desolate and darkest corner of my soul.
It survived. This destiny, this purpose has survived. Even with all my attempts to lighten it's demands, smother it's voice and suffocate it's effect on my life. I was led to this moment. This moment is special.
At this time, I am secure in my destiny. It is engrained in my DNA and tattooed on my heart. This day was created for me to chase the dreams of my heart and every day after it.
I'm so blessed and so eager to see what is next for me.
Post Script
Tumblr Made Me Do It
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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A Reference on Being in this Life
The good person is generous & lends lavishly; No shuffling or tumbling around for this one, but a sterling & solid lasting reputation. Unfazed by rumor & gossip, Heart ready trusting in God, Spirit firm, unperturbed, Ever blessed, relaxed among enemies, They lavish gifts on poor -- A generosity that goes on, and on, and on. An honored life! A beautiful life! Written by King David in Pslam 112 (The Message translation)
Day 001 - Atlanta, GA
Today my journey begins. Well, I’ve been on this journey my entire life and only began to take it seriously about 3 years ago, but now, things seem real. I received my first track yesterday for a song I wrote in my closet. Me, a mic and my MacBook cozied in a small closet in the corner of my bedroom in my parents house. Yes, I still live with my parents. So now that that’s out of the way, let me resume. I’m beyond words. I’m so scred [an infusion of scared and screwed]. At this moment all I can think of is,
"What will people think of you?"
I despise Miss White. The mistress of Mr. Gold. You know, the evil voice inside your head. Well, I hear this twisted version of my voice that tells me everything and anything to freak me out. To discourage me to jump with reckless abandon into pursuing my dream.
“What if your music sucks?”
There she goes again. The current topic: my music. Which brings me back to my reason for documenting this musical journey. Typing my thoughts aimlessly onto Tumblr gets them out of my head and forever lost in this vast digital sea called the matrix. I believe it helps me combat Miss White. Helps me to be reminded of what God ultimately has for me...
Post Script
Tumblr made me do it.