PreBattle!Gojo x Fem!Reader
Summary Death doesn't discriminate between the sinner and the saint; it takes, and it takes, and it takes. And death has a strange way of making people feel the tremendous guilt of every missed opportunity, the unspoken conversations they could've had that could've changed their lives, could've prevented this heavy drag on their heart. You just wish you could've spoken the unspoken conversation you've held in for decades to Satoru before he left.
Tags Angst, Hurt/No comfort, Satoru Gojo's death, Guilt, Could've been something more, Just friends, Two people in denial of love
Word count 2.7k
News spread fast, especially with the one and only Satoru Gojo is facing the strongest sorcerer of history today. He was just released from the prison realm for not long, and his stupid ass is, of course, already taking on ridiculous missions. And this time, you might not see him again.
December 24, 2018. You thread that date. It was the same day Suguru had died, and to imagine Satoru possibly dying on the same day, leaving just Shoko and you out of your guy’s group alive. You guys watched your unbiological family dying one by one. Some body unable to return to host a funeral, to see their face one last time.
You couldn’t bear to look at him when you found out about his battle. You were there for his unsealing, and that was it. Not a single word was exchanged about what happened in Shibuya, nor were they seen physically since November 20, 2018.
That was broken, however, today, December 24, 2018. Everyone was getting ready to surveil Gojo’s battle, Utahime and Gakuganji helping him for the best-case scenario.
While everybody is fussing over him, like always, meeting with the other first, he went over to the place you were staying until this shit hole is over. He found you smoking a cigarette, looking out into the empty city on the balcony.
“Yuck. It stinks.” He interrupted the silent stress-smoke you were having. “Smoking is bad for you, chu know?”
You hit the cigar, not bothering to turn around and blow the white smoke. “That’s why I smoke it, Captain Obvious.” You take another drag. “Shouldn’t you be with the others?”
He shifts to the railing, resting next to you. “I should but…” He drifts his blue eyes onto you, letting the silence tug the string between y’all. “But I want to tease them and show up late, then I’ll pop out of nowhere and surprise them.”
A short, humorless sound escaped you as you gave a slow shake of disapproval. “Always an attention grabber even in situations like this.” You tipped the edge of your cigar, letting the ashes fall. “Don’t know how your students and the higher-ups put up with you.”
“Uh, because I’m the strongest dude.” He flexed his huge biceps. “Look, I was trapped for twenty days and I’m still ripped.”
You dipped your head. “Of course you are, because you’re Satoru fucking Gojo.” You drag one last smoke from the stick before dropping it down sixty-feet high from the ground. You twists your body, resting your elbow on the railing. “Mr. Perfect.”
“I know.” He flutters his white eyelashes.
You rolled your eyes. “Take a break, would you, Mr. Perfect?”
“Can’t take a break now when Japan needs me.” He told himself more than to you, his tone dropping to something softer.
“Hm.” You shrugged. “Sucks to be the strongest now, right?”
“I know you’re trying to hurt my ego and it’s not working.”
“Oh yeah?” You cocked a snarky smirk. “Then why are you making that sad puppy eyes right now?”
“I have photographic memory. I will remember that face forever now.” You can’t help and laugh at his frustration. “You should do that face again in the mirror after the battle. You look like a little boy.”
“I wouldn’t be making that face cause I literally wasn’t making any puppy eyes!”
“If you say so.” The view reclaims your attention, some building’s light is still left open, making the place look a bit more lifeful than it is. As long as you’re ignoring the blood stains. “Are you nervous…Tofu…?”
“Nervous?” He thought about it. It doesn’t count if his heart beats a bit faster every time he’s with you, does it? Pretty sure that’s what nervousness does to a person. “No–pfft–why would I be nervous?”
“Cause you’re fighting Sukuna?” The soft wind flows through your hair. “In your student’s body?”
His mind wandered back to Megumi. “I already have a plan. No need to worry.”
“That never ends well.” You cracked.
“You’re so mean to me.” He whines. “Why don’t you go with the others to watch my once in a lifetime fight? Better than any movie ever made.”
“Cause this isn’t entertaining for me.” You searched for another cigarette in your pocket. “Usually I prefer cgi so I can remind myself that no one is hurt.” You rested the cigar between your lips and lit up the end.
“What? You think I’m a little pussy boy?” He snorts.
He scrunched his nose. “Can’t believe Utahime, the person who hates me most is going to be by my side when I face Sukuna and you’re not going to. My second best friend.”
You guys were never just best friends. “At least you’re self-aware.”
“Hey.” He playfully smacked the railing. “Shoko is going to be there as well! Everyone, even people I’ve never met before but you!”
You pinched the cigar between your fingers and pulled it away from your face. “Is this an invitation for me to see if you’re going to see your possible last breath?” You seek a peek at him. “On the same day where Suguru takes his last breath? Are you serious right now?”
The mention of Suguru triggered something in him. “Don’t mention Suguru. He have nothing to do with this–”
“Yes, he does, Satoru.” You tapped your cigar. “You arranged this fight on the exact date of his death. And I just don’t understand… Does your heart not ache every time it’s December twenty-four? Cause last time I checked, you were his best, best friend and so was he to you.”
You threw the barely used cigar away and creeped inside the apartment. You just can’t share the same air as him right now. Why does he have to smell like candy all the time? It drives you insane.
He trailed behind you. “Y/n.”
You swing open the fridge and yanked the bottles of cold beers. “Please, stop saying my name like that.” You popped open the cap and chugged the beer down your throat.
“What is wrong with you?” He stood a few feet away from you, his expression twisted into something you can’t explain. “Suguru had it coming! We both knew that so stop acting like he didn’t deserve his fate!”
“And what if your fate ends up like his?” You wiped your lips. “What if your last moment on Earth is taken from the very hands you cared for?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, y/n.” He closed the distance between you guys. “I won’t end up like him.”
“You don’t know that, Satoru.” You sighed and sipped on the beer. “Fate has its strange way around us. Death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints. You should know that already.”
“I won’t die. I promise.” A heaviness suddenly washed over you guys. Sukuna’s curse energy is truly remarkable like all the ancient sources said.
Even if he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t stay any longer. “Stay here. I’ll come back and prove you wrong.” He heads for the door.
When he held the doorknob, you weren’t sure if this will be the last time you’re going to see him alive and well again. You wanted to just spill everything out just in case he doesn’t make it. Tell him how you feel, on how you want his lips against yours right now to calm you down. To signal your brain that everything is okay despite your heart.
“Satoru–” You called out.
Surely he’ll make it, right…? Utahime is helping him…Maybe you’re just overthinking it because of Suguru's death. You’ll tell him afterward. “I hate people who break their promises.” You leaned against the counter.
He flashed his stupid smile with all thirty-two teeth in view. “And you would kill them if they do, right?”
He still remembered what you told him decades ago. “Yes. Don’t forget. I’m serious.”
He paused at the door, his smile fading away. He looked doubtful. Something you rarely see in him.
You gave a small, expectant look.
“Uh…” He hesitated. “I just want to tell you in case something actually happens…”
Your heart raced but your face remained still. You’ve mastered not only reverse curse techniques throughout your life but also keep an unreadable expression on all time to mask your emotions.
“Uh…” He cleared his throat. “You can kill me afterwards, okay bye.” He shuts the door behind him.
It happened so all of the sudden, for a few seconds you just stared at the closed door in complete silence and confusion before giggling uncontrollably. God. May fate spare that man.
Turns out, fate does not have space to spare for Satoru. Or maybe you have jinxed it from mentioning Suguru and his soul had sent curses after him and your emotions.
Satoru’s severed body lay on the operating table. The same blue eyes with sparks like the stars just half an hour ago are now lifeless. Looking into his eyes now feels alienated. It’s the same eyeball, yet so different.
You and Shoko manage to reattach his body while Yuta lays on the operating table right next to the very same man who saved his life. There’s no time to waste on tears.
“We’ve finished suturing Gojo’s body. Once you transferred yourself, use reverse curse technique at maximum to apply the finishing touches.” Shoko explained to Yuta.
While you lingered off to the side, watching the man you loved since you were fourteen lie there without a trace of motion. He died without knowing your love for him. And you never got to know if he loved you back as well.
You watched Yuta transfer his brain to Satoru’s corpse. His body started to twitch and slowly gain consciousness.
“It’s just me and you left.” Shoko said to you.
You tilt your head to rest on her shoulder while you guys watch Yuta adapt to the new body. “Cigarette break after this?”
She curled her lips. “How can I say no to that?”
“You know…” You sighed. “He visited me beforehand and said if he dies, he’d let me kill him.”
“Just to your luck, you can kill him right now again.” She chuckled.
You pout. “Yeah. But it’s not the same.” His corpse sat up. “I want *him to feel it. Not this poor kid.”
“True.” Shoko nods her head in approval. “You can buy a new face and body but can’t buy a personality.”
“Exactly.”
A few months after the culling game, after hundreds of hours of stitching, healing, and taking care of dead bodies, you and Shoko were ready to be off duty for the next few months as recovery. It’s hard to be the only primary doctors.
It was summer, and in your high-rise loft in Tokyo, it’s rare for someone to personally deliver mails to you cause usually they just leave it at the front desk, that’s if they even let them through.
You wore a tiny tank and mini shorts despite the AC blasting while munching on a popsicle when you opened the door.
All of Gojo students stand before you, each with a small gift.
“Guys?” You smiled warmly. These kids. “What are you guys doing here? It’s really hot out.”
“I know.” Megumi spoke first. “They were persistent to do it at this time and this day. The hottest day of the year.”
Yuji butts in. “Don’t mind him, Ms. y/n!” He extended his arm, a little cute baggy. “This is a thank you gift for working so hard on us! We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you and Ms. Ieiri!”
The rest did the same. In total you’ve gotten seven goody bags though there’s only six of them.
“One of them is from Gojo-sensei.” Yuta explained before you ask. “He prepared little gifts for each of us and he left a lot for you. Especially his letters.”
“Letters?” You glanced through each bag. “How thoughtful of him.”
“Well.” A trace of annoyance crossed Maki’s face. “Some may not be so thoughtful because the ones we received are short and brief.”
You laughed. “Sounds just like him.”
“But he left a lot of thick letters for you.” Nobara added. “And expensive stuff.”
“Salmon.” Inumaki just have to add in.
“Well, thank you guys so much for these!” You continued. “You guys want to come inside?”
“No…it’s okay we still have places to be.” Yuta explained.
“Come on, at least let me give you guys ice cream to cool off.” You already reached your fridge when you finished your sentence. “You guys look like wet tomatoes.” You came back to the door with six different kinds of ice cream.
“Thank you so much, Ms. y/n.” They said unison as they picked out the flavor they wanted.
“No problem, kiddos.” You rest your hand on the door. “Can’t believe your Gojo’s kids. Acts nothing like him.”
“You act nothing like him even though you’re close with him, Ms. y/n.” Yuji commented.
“Hm. True. Guess tree falls in the opposite direction from where it’s chopped. But anyway…” You digressed. “Get going and go home to hide in the AC!”
“Thank you, Ms. y/n for your hard work and these delicious ice creams!” They sounded like a concert choir all together.
You waved goodbye before closing the door. All the bags together hurt your hand.
You hopped over to your kitchen island and settled all the bags down. You went through each bag one by one, reading every letter the kids wrote for you with your expression revealing what you actually feel deep inside your heart. It wasn’t some boring and generic stuff like “thank you for your kindness.” Each of these letters contain some personal information about themselves, truly written from the bottom of their hearts. Especially with Inumaki. This boy truly has a lot to write with so little to say.
Then you moved onto the last bag. Using your context clues, you knew it’s Gojo’s. You reached inside…
The first thing you felt wasn’t letters, but candies. You pulled a grasp of them out, and every single one of them is blueberry flavored hi-chew. A lump formed in your throat. You guys bonded over y’all’s favorite hi-chew flavor being blueberry fifteen years ago. The first day you guys met in Jujutsu high during y’all’s first year. He still remembers. He never forgot.
Then you moved onto his letters. Nobara wasn’t lying about thick letters, and not only that, thirty-five letters. Each one every single day since he was unsealed. Each one jotting down his actual emotions. On day thirty-four, just a day for his battle, he confessed he loves you. Not in a best friend way, rather in a way he wants to call you candy and smother honey all over your lips and lick them off.
Despite his confession being extremely weird and detailed, trickles of tears fall from your eyes and onto the bottom corner of the paper where he drew a heart that looks like a penis. It’s so aromantic but romantic at the same time cause he’s not trying hard to be a lovey dovey. He’s just…him. And that’s worth more than any amount of “I love you”.
With tears still falling from your eyes, you grabbed a blank piece of paper and replied to each letter you received. Starting off with Satoru knowing well he won’t ever get to read your letters.
My dearest Satoru (Tofu) Gojo,
I’ve received your letters months after your death. After fifteen years of subtle hints, I can’t believe you confessed like this. I know you’ll never see this letter, but I, nonetheless, must write it down cause I still love you too much. Perhaps it's the unspoken possibilities we had that made this hurt much more. But I know the final act of love is letting go. So count this as my farewell letter to you…
Author's Note There's no way Steam needs ten days to process my $21.67 purchase. Give me my fucking money back. This is a repost!! You guys seemed to enjoy fluff over my angsts, but I'm a true angst to the heart
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