all this, and love too

I want a fic in which Ilya is a dragon and his hoard is things that he finds curious and spark joy.

Shane is the knight sent to manage the situation because too many shiny cars are vanishing in the night. Shane does, in fact, spark much joy which is curious in itself as Ilya has rarely encountered joy-sparking people.

I just want Ilya to steal Shane's many pillows in order to get him to come back to his cave of wonders and maybe stay for the night a bit.

He has a collection of whimsical goalie masks. Surely Shane will find them interesting.

At one point, Ilya steals Shane's boring car and gives it a makeover. Gas/mileage had to suffer, but Ilya is sure to point out that dragon riding (of any kind!) is much more environmentally friendly!

Shane is not impressed with the new scale pattern nor with the neon colours. Ilya tells him bright coloured cars are safer for driving.

The blings on the wheels are just a bonus.

It's also important for other people/dragons to know that Ilya has his eyes on Shane and that Knight Hollander is Very! Busy! With! This! Case! Don't assign him any other quest, run along now! Go bother Knight Pike, he has many mouths to feed he needs the extra shifts.

I am also thinking that Shane himself actually asked to be assigned this hoarding dragon case .

He is high enough in the rankings that he is usually sent on Princess-saving quests but he haaaates those! The quest part is okay because he likes solving riddles and navigating maps and driving his car in the great outdoors as lots of princesses are kept in unmarked towers deep in the woods (Shane thinks a lot of these kidnappings could be avoided if the Land Registry Department would do their job seriously. Alas, he's been updating the registry more often that the actual clerks) BUT he hates the paperwork he has to file after the saving is done:

Yes, the princess was saved;

Yes, he knows about the HEA clause;

No, he doesn't want to activate it;

No, he doesn't want to become a prince consort;

No, really, he is not interested;

Yes, he wants to go back to doing knighty things only.

He hears about this great dragon that keeps stealing weird stuff with no logical pattern and no knight has managed to find his cave or make rhyme or reason of his preferences and THAT is a challenge Shane wants to take on.

He pulls strings for the very first time in his career and gets himself assigned to the Dragon case.

He's gonna find that dragon and tame him.

(spoiler: they tame each other)

shane [glances over at ilya’s phone and sees ilya frantically typing in cyrillic, stomach dropping to his ass because he thinks ilya’s getting into it with alexei again]: what are you doing?

ilya: arguing with somebody

shane: who?

Ilya loves Shane so much that it's completely rearranged his brain chemistry but is he prepared to wake up in the middle of the night and hear the words, "I have an idea" at least once a month for the rest of his life. Is he ready to watch Shane spiral with anxiety for an entire afternoon because he can't remember if he put his reading glasses back in their case. Does he know that Shane is going to attempt to completely remove the color blue from Ilya's wardrobe for fear that they will inadvertantly match and Reveal Something. Does he know that the words 'I love you' were the secret key to Shane's inner freak and that his situationship-cum-Love of His Life is going to spend a not insignificant amount of time attempting to break Ilya's pelvis for the foreseeable future? Does he know that every time he has sex for the rest of his life there's a chance that Shane will say, "Say it say it say it," and if Ilya doesn't say, "Ya tebya lyublyu," in a timely manner before Shane comes that he will pout for an hour?

Ilya Rozanov + text posts