back yet again

im also still high n ykw gna get more high to go to this fair thing :p im not expecting much of it as I was told it wasn't rlly like a state fair or anything ... so anywaysss gna go take another hit n get ready ^_^

Trying to js keep going rn so i'm probs gna dance a bit to make it better ok bye bye

im writing this at 2:30pm so this is not at all final except for food eaten ( I think ) update @ 5:55 pm it was not final n instead of 2 ramen packs, I would have a sandwich and 1 pack of ramen 😒 im hungry n fucked up by saying i forgot to eat to my wife 😐 so now i have to eat.. but at least ramen is filling n i got new weed so 🤷🏾‍♂️ and we got water so yayy ! high asf when writing this n abt to get even more high YAYYY luv u all mwah mwah

I have redone multiple math things to make SUREEE ive done this right but so far ! I think i overestimated how many oz i had left but I have 15 oz rn, drank 10 of them earlier me think.. which means only 300 for the entire thing of sprite. Eating 380 for ramen brings me up to 680.. n if i eat two, its rlly filling for 1k all together, with a net of 801.. idk ik im scared abt itttt but im rlly hungry n I dont want to risk binging so early already .. so me thinks I will wait til wife is home, make two things of ramen n be good ^_^ i lowk want them now but cant risk js seeing the food in the kitchen n thinkin "fuck it" yk?? also I sobered up urgh I hate sobering idc its another hit time

regardless I have paced since I got home (at like 9:30) n js started my tiny break a few mins ago, but im abt to get up n pace again i cant lose my chances to get as many steps as possible !! esp alone where no one can see my disordered behaviors anyways (literally is typing this as i get back up n start pacing) ... unfortunately I am realizing I cant find how many steps was tracked on the bus so im automatically subtracting 1500 from my total n so far that leaves me @ 1.6k steps.. i want to get to at least 7k since I got 6k yesterday so that means I need 5.4k more steps to make 7k with the subtraction... if i didnt subtract tho I would have crazy step numbers daily, yeah I made 6.5k yesterday but thts after removing 1500, which had me at like 8.3k to 8.5k steps? ehh I dont consider this thattt much for me bcuz I mainly used edtwt after so many 3dblr accs wiped off blr n those tht aren't wiped away r watched like crazy by fam SO I normally see ppl getting like 10k - 40k some days .. I am also somewhat disabled so I also dont ever expect above 20k steps in one day for me...

omg nvr formatting liek this again !! ^ took me over a day to do it - granted I do have to quite literally hide this account .. I cant use it all day like i'd want to, tho td ( 7.17.26) will probs b more active since gfie has left for work 🙂‍↕️ excited to pace pace pace !! rn goin to my labs appt, I dont think they weigh me there but im not counting it since I do have to drink liquids beforehand unlessss I weigh less with drink in my body.. which i do not think I will :p anyways at the appt I will update after ^_^

(This was written like an hr ago theres an incoming whine post)

no net bcuz i cant track a lot unless its thru ANYTHING but a smartwatch (obvious relapse indicator for my life 💔). however I dont have much to track with SO ! I use my hearing aids for hearing obvi but they have a step tracking feature ^_^ i'll add those when I can ofc, which ik "tmr" (td when im writing this) I can since im going out on my own. I also have a psych appt "tmr" that'll let me weigh 9 in the morning n oughhh I even did the math to find out what my outfit, shoes and even breakfast add to my weight so I can get as close to my true weight 🤤🤤 abt 3.5 lbs in total, + .065 lbs for every ounce of water drank 🙂‍↕️🤤 eatin yummy yummy boiled eggs i havent had some soft boiled eggs since I started recov but they arent an obvious sign of relapse for me 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ bcuz eggs r mf GOOD n idc if im rexxied out or not i am FAWKING UP some eggs 🤤 I hope I get like 3k steps min :(( would walk more but its genuinely so hot out I cant go outside without triggering my eczema >:( beautiful day to have heat triggered skin conditions /sar >:(( also thinkin of makin my limit 1425 since I did 1385c so it can't b too hard to stay under tht.. anyways smoking time neow b4 I go weigh in 5 hrs (YIPPEE !! LETS HOPE IM 135 OR UNDER !!!)