Philosophical Zombie

Motivations of my own and of my volition.

Yet the agony of reintegrating a form foreign to me, aspects nameless in form changed to conform to the will of another, insists reproach in a capacity beyond my assurance.

A captain to the ship of Theseus asking at what point is it more detrimental to address just one rotted board at a time.

The bitter sweetness of commanding a condemned crew resigned to acceleration.

What good is control to a broken wheel?

Can you repair something dismantled by time without dooming it to simulacra-

identical and unrecognizable, fit to be displayed yet devoid of authenticity.

A philosophical zombie of the self,

Limited to the praise of reproduction.

Damned to exist inadequately.

But what providence to be present to overcome-

It is a blessing to be burdened, and only fools are so arrogant to dictate a facade without expecting reciprocation.

To punish the body is unholy- for Christ held no hammer to himself, but I have long since been denied his blood. Does Judas bleed for himself?

So Sisyphus returns to the valley for another day.