Andi Mack Universe

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Cyrus: *annoyed* Freddy Mercury never killed anyone!

 TJ: *whips around in seat* Freddy Mercury killed a man! 

 Cyrus: ?? 

 TJ: Put a gun against his head- 

 Buffy, Andi, Marty, and everyone else in the room: -PULLED MY TRIGGER NOW HES DEAD

—

 Buffy: ¡Puta! 

 Kira: What does that mean? 

 Andi: It means ‘lovely person’.  

 Jonah: *whispering* What does it actually mean?

 Marty: *very loudly* It means bitch. 

—

 A random 6th Grader: *walks by the GHC* 

 Buffy: Meow

—

 Cyrus: *slowly getting angrier* If the oceans become just 1 degree warmer, sharks will be able to live in Irish waters! Then there’ll be no seals left in Ireland!

 Marty: Just put the seals in swimming pools! 

 Cyrus: HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO EAT, MARTY?! 

 Marty: BY US BUYING THEM FISH, CYRUS!

— 

 Walker: Miss, I went to a pride parade last year! 

 Teacher: Oh really? You see that’s what I’m talking about, anyone can go to pride parades, even straight or cis people.  

 Jonah: *from beside Walker* *mumbling* Miss, he never said he was straight…

 Walker: *snorts*

—

 Cyrus: *points at his hair* My hair is straight- 

 Cyrus: *points to Buffy* like you. 

 Buffy: And my hair isn’t straight like you?

— 

 TJ: *stands on his chair* 

 TJ: *starts swinging the chair backwards and forwards* 

 Amber (teacher): TJ stop! 

 TJ: Miss, don’t worry, I’m a pro.  

 Amber: TJ, you’re fourteen years old, YOU’RE NOT A PRO AT ANYTHING!

— 

 TJ: *angry at someone* You bitch!

 Cyrus: TJ! 

 TJ: Sorry I’ll say it in another language: ¡PUTA!

—

(everyone in my school is obsessed with cursing in Spanish)

— 

 Cyrus: Hey, we should pick a really gay subject for our project!

 Kira: Are you sure you want to do that for your project? 

 Buffy: *glares* What’s wrong with picking something gay? 

 Kira: Oh, it’s just you’re really picking something gay? 

 TJ: *from behind Kira, mouthing* oH, sO yOu’Re ReAlLy PiCkInG sOmEtHiNg GaY?

— 

 Buffy: Guys, Kira isn’t in today! 

 TJ: Fuck yes! 

 Cyrus: Thank god!

 Andi: About time!

—

 Buffy: Y’know Monty the penguin from the John Lewis Christmas ad? How he always follows the little kid around in the ad? 

 Cyrus: Yeah? 

 Buffy: That’s you following TJ around. 

 Cyrus:

 Buffy:

 Cyrus:

 Buffy:

 Cyrus: I think you meant you following Marty. 

 Buffy: HEY!

—

 Buffy: Ugh, Kira 

 Andi: That girl is obsessed with you Buffy, she’s like in love with you or something. 

 Cyrus: *gasps* Kira’s a lesbian for Buffy!

 Buffy: Wha-

 Andi: But isn’t she homophobic? 

 Cyrus: *shrugs* All homophobes are gay. 

—

 Andi: *talking about a teacher* And then he ran from one side of the room to the other side where Jonah and Marty were laughing at memes, and started grabbing at Jonah’s phone to see what they were looking at. He like, pinned down one of Jonah’s arms to get the phone. 

 Jonah: I’m still traumatised. 

—

 TJ: *gets his phone confiscated* This is unfair! 

 TJ: *points to Reed and Lester* They’re on their phones!

 Reed: We’re not on our phones!

 TJ: Then what’s that in your hand?! 

 Lester: MY NINTENDO DS!

— 

 Marty: *screaming* I LOVE CHICKEN!! 

 Buffy: *also screaming* FUCK YA CHICKEN STRIPS!!

— 

 Cyrus: *receives an award from a teacher* 

 TJ: *from the back of the room, yelling* I love you Cyrus! 

 TJ: *under his breath* Oh shit, I’m gay.

— 

 TJ: Okay I’m leaving! *starts walking away* 

 Buffy: *yelling* Fuck you, TJ! 

 TJ: *also yelling* Fuck you too, Buffy! 

 Cyrus: I love you, TJ! 

 TJ: *immediately softens* Love you too, Cyrus.

— 

 Andi: I’m gonna jump over that bench! *runs towards said bench*  

 Cyrus: Yeah, you got this Andi! 

 Buffy: *deadpan* You better fucking fall. 

—

 Buffy: *poking her food* I don’t want to eat this.

 Cyrus: I’ll eat it!

 Buffy: You can’t have it.

 Cyrus: What?! Why?!

 Buffy: I don’t want my straight to rub off on you

Andi: High School Art Teacher; her students always ask her where she gets her outfits; sometimes she calls Jonah if she’s concerned about a kid in her class and worried the school isn’t doing enough to help them. 

Cyrus: Novelist & Director; has an undergrad degree in psychology (and will try to diagnose you if you let him…he means well). Went to film school at USC; used to work as a writer on The Tonight Show before his directorial debut.

Buffy: Doctor, Sports Medicine; originally a math major, she went to college on an athletic scholarship and graduated pre-med, top of her class. Her practice is near Marty’s office, they carpool to work most days. She makes everyone, except Cyrus and Andi, call her “Dr. Driscoll.” Whenever Marty comes to the hospital for a consultation the nurses tell Buffy “your husband is here,” she rolls her eyes but she secretly likes it. She never misses the premiere of a single Goodman feature film.

Jonah: Social Worker; he knows what it feels like to be a kid trapped in their own emotions; really just wants to help. His old band had a one hit wonder awhile back, he still plays with them on the weekends. He tries to convince TJ to join them on keyboard every time they see each other. 

TJ: History Professor; will not join Jonah’s band; calls it a ‘boyband’ every time they see each other–but turns the volume way up every time the band’s song comes on the radio. Has a secret twitter filled with all the stupid stuff his students say; raps for the class all the time; texts them to Cyrus beforehand to make sure they’re good. Cyrus always sends back a keysmash and like ten crying-laughing emojis. TJ cries every time he watches any of Cyrus’s movies, even if they’re not sad. He’s just so proud of him.

Marty: Physical Therapist; carpools to work with Buffy; everyone at his work calls him “Mr. Driscoll,” he rolls his eyes, but he secretly likes it. He goes to the gym every morning and coaches his niece’s basketball team in his free time

Walker: Artist & Photographer; in the process of opening his own gallery in Brooklyn, after filming a successful special on contemporary art for PBS; travels a lot. He used to photograph weddings to make ends meet, sometimes he still does just because he loves love.

Amber: Lawyer; made viral make-up tutorial videos on YouTube to put herself through law school; loves a good power suit; wins every game night and isn’t subtle about gloating when she does. Her favorite time of the day is happy hour. Her nickname around the office is “eyebrows,” which she later learned is a compliment.

Iris: Family Therapist; stays out of all of her friend’s drama; only gives advice when she’s asked for it. She loves her job but her favorite thing in the whole world is going home to her family at the end of a long day. 

Gus: Computer Programmer; works for some giant tech conglomerate; could buy almost anything he wants but doesn’t. Instead, he just has a very large collection of bow ties.

Reed: Actor; flirts with anything that moves; all of his guns are prop guns now.

Wait-

HOLD ON-