and now i’m in a flare up and i got up, walked into the other room, fetched my charger back here and plugged it in, and had to sit down. i was out of breath and i could feel my heart racing. all i did was walk into another room and back and lean down to plug something in. sitting up and holding my head up is exhausting.

if it was like this constantly, i would feel more confident seeing a doctor and saying ‘i think it could be this’ about any of the things people have suggested to me that it could be. or if my pain was worse, i guess, and if it was all over my body all of the time and it lasted longer. but it isn’t and it doesn’t. it’s just tiny little pains, like small aches like when you have flu, in random places on my body. they’re there and then gone again.

this fluctuates so, so much. my symptoms don’t seem to fit right with anything. i feel so lost about it all. i know something is wrong but i don’t know what it is. i feel like i don’t have the right to complain because my pain isn’t particularly bad. it’s just there and it shouldn’t be. and it’s been happening for three years, on and off. a few weeks at a time, it’ll be like this every day, then it’ll just stop. then come back another time.