estradiol made me love without governance

hi its me Alaz im urgently trying 2 raise money to buy a new (2nd hand probably) laptop ... mine has been dying for a long time it was cheap and shitty even in 2019 when i purchased it . and now it's like mostly useless, been thru many repairs, fucked in every way and just today it decided to stop connecting to the internet in any way . ive been needing to buy a laptop forever but it's rly urgent at this time .

i checked the prices and 2nd hand starts from around 450 usd in this country and new ones start from 550 usd (its probably pricier than abroad due to how everything is taxed like crazy here and the three digit inflation situation lmao idk). and im already at minus 800 usd in my bank account and have expenses coming up and practically no work in July and i use this laptop to 1) teach online classes to make money and 2) translate to make money so like im even more fucked without one

im going 2 have 2 use my friends acct again to fundraise ([email protected] on p*yp*l) but i can make a gofundme if needed ? just trying 2 do it asap so can get a laptop this month so i can work and not die and not double the amount of debt i am in that i am paying interest on .

a mosque in scotland had to be put into lockdown. they are going door-to-door with hit lists and addresses in northern ireland, setting houses alight. they firebombed an imam's house in manchester. people of colour are being targeted and attacked by racist mobs in the street in broad daylight.

When I discuss race and poverty, it is a common tactic of white trolls to ask me, "What about Chicago? That's Black people shooting each other. There's no white people in those neighborhoods keeping them poor. How do you explain that?"

I hear them, and I envision Dr. King being knocked to the ground by a rock flung by white Chicagoans who were angry that he would dare fight for the ability for Black Chicagoans to move out of ghettos and try to improve their lives. I think of Black neighborhoods burned to the ground in East St. Louis. I think about anti-Black violence and terror in Black neighborhoods in Omaha, Houston, Indianapolis, Washington, D.C., and dozens of other cities across the country.

I think of the massacre of Black Wall Street in Tulsa. I think of the MOVE bombing in Philadelphia. I think of all the times that Black Americans had to struggle to build communities and to build an economic foothold for those communities, only to have to start all over again."

Chapter 4- Mediocre, Ijeoma Oluo

Many, many people celebrated Pulse. We were told we deserved it. That it was God’s punishment for our sin of loving the same sex. We are sent messages like these I received in 2018:

We in the community often call the victim count 49+ to include the survivors who couldn’t live with the pain.

The event was never officially declared a hate crime or targeted homophobic attack and is rarely listed as one in databases.

At our vigils for those slaughtered, Extremist Christian groups showed up to protest, holding signs like this:

ID: Me kissing a woman I was casually seeing in front of an angry looking man with a “Sodomy is Sin” sign.

Please understand how much more than just a mass shooting this was. We are still to this day harassed and told we deserved it by some.

This news probably came as a surprise to you. After all, you haven’t done anything pedophilic that you know of. Yet here you are, accused of being a pedophile.

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been diagnosed with POCD or not, whether you’ve sought out material or not, even if you’ve been vocally opposed to pedophilia in the past. What matters right now is that YOU are a pedophile. Someone said it was true, and that’s what matters to most people.

Don’t worry, it happens to a lot of us, especially if you’re queer and ESPECIALLY if you’re transfemme. Hell, it’s happened to me before:

For some people, they become more vocally opposed to pedophiles to prove they aren’t a pedophile. Others develop radical compassion.

This is gonna sound like an unhinged comparison at first, but hear me out.

This whole “discourse” around ISFF has had me thinking over and over again about how Paul Robeson was blacklisted from being a prominent face of the civil rights campaign despite being possibly the most globally well known Black person from the US, bc he was a communist in a time it wasn’t just unacceptable socially but legally dangerous and would’ve brought even heavier crackdowns on the civil rights movement.

The result was an incomplete liberation because it was only uplifting the “acceptable ones” within a capitalist framework rather than uplifting the baseline total rights regardless of belief/existence.

The point there being is that so long as there are categories of human we view as unacceptable we cannot achieve total liberation. All trannies and faggots are pedophiles, addicts, bums, rapists, whores, etc. to those who see it convenient to get rid of us, and refusing to address this issue will only result in an incomplete liberation because we cannot leave behind those who are seen the worst by society when we ARE them too by default.

“But communist and pedophile is an unhinged comparison” they’ve been calling communists that, perverts, sexual deviants, etc. since McCarthyism anyway so.

We cannot be truly liberated until even those viewed as “the worst of society” have the same basic rights and ability to survive in society as everyone else. As humans, they deserve that much. If you cannot accept that, consider that all any of the rest of us need to become one of them is to be accused of it. Proof doesn’t matter. Reality doesn’t matter. You are a pedophile. You will become a pedophile as soon as it is useful for someone to make you into one.

There is no option but acknowledging they are still human and cannot be simply removed from society, because as long as there are stigmatized demographics, we will be able to remove the basic rights of anyone.

Meanwhile seeing shit like this from former moots and comments on their posts now:

This is my point. We’ve been watching conservatives slander every trans person they can as a pedophile to try and remove us from public life, to justify harm to us, and this can only keep happening as long as they’re a demographic this is acceptable to do this to. They did the same type of moral panic accusations to gay men, to communists, there’s a rich fucking tradition of using pedophilia accusations to remove other “undesirables” regardless of whether they are or not.

You’re scared. I understand that. I was too when I posted this and it’s already led to harassment, threats, and attention from the freaks that doxxed me a while back.

The fear of this weapon is why so many trans women are terrified of taking jobs in education, in child care, of HAVING THEIR OWN FUCKING CHILDREN WHILE OUT AS TRANSFEMME. Because we know that there’s an invisible countdown clock until we get smeared as pedophiles for working in that role while transfemme.

The only way we can stop it from being a weapon is to stop enabling its use as a weapon. This does not mean to cease protecting children either, we must make sure that children have the knowledge and language necessary to not only protect themselves, but communicate when someone is trying to harm them.

I understand being afraid of this weapon. Of being smeared as a pedophile for choosing no longer to wield it as a weapon. I was fucking terrified of it too. But as fascism gets worse globally this weapon WILL be wielded against the marginalized more and more, and the only options are to blunt its effectiveness as a weapon, or to abandon every single person it is leveled against in the hopes it takes longer for it to be pointed at us.