No, I am your father.

Everything I do is over 18

Ey so like, is the cat distribution system a lot like how marriages and stuff work? Like some fuckr just shows up one day and then you blink and it's yours and sometimes it's you who's just not really sure who decided that would be the thing to happen and sometimes it's them but it did and now you live together in s slightly altered state of mind forever

Tbh I don't actually understand how to use Tumblr but I don't plan on learning either

It's actually really hard to be normal when you like the smell of bleach.

I just found a slow, possibly cold bee on my front porch and tried to give it sugar water, but it didn't want it, so I was like, ok, I'll take it to a flower, maybe it needs to warm up. So I put a little leaf down and it crawled right onto it and I took it to a flower and it got off and puttered around a bit, but it didn't seem to really like that flower, so I put the leaf down again and it crawled right back up and I took it to a bush with a mass of little flowers and it immediate perked up and started just wiggling around on them which was cool. And then as I was staring at it I was just like, do bees even like flowers or is it just sort of their job? Like what if Cthulu just appeared over me, and because for the majority of our lives we're working at some job, and that's obviously what an eldritch being would most likely observe should it take a glance at us, and then sees one out doing its own thing and just thinks "well clearly it's poorly because it's not in it's office cubicle." And sticks a little branch out and I, a trusting human, jump on and I was just immediately plopped down at a desk? Devastating.

I say "what is it called" a lot for someone who should know. Exactly what it's called

Did people begin to cook with wine after they started drinking it or did they begin to drink it after they started cooking with it?

"my number 1 is the blood hound" BOOM Joan Jett MUST BE THE SEASON OF THE BIIIIIIIITCH MUST BE THE SEASON OF THE BIIIIIIIIIITCH

Crowd control service dog vest patch that just says "I like pooping on feet"

The most unrealistic part of The Lizzie McGuire Movie isn't the fake Italian accent it's the lack of Italian hand gesturing.

Benoit Blanc will listen to carnival of the animals and then immediately follow up with sweet espresso.