A Cup of Comfort

yeah i will not partake in the societal habit of fearing getting older. each new year you get is a blessing so jot that down

thinking about how ursula k leguin said "what goes too long unchanged destroys itself. The forest is forever because it dies and dies and so lives" and how everyday i wake up slightly different and i can feel myself shed the skin of who i used to be slowly, slowly, until i look back and can scarcely recognise who i was... but also she is still a part of me, part of the leaf litter and the humus, supporting me as i send new roots down and new leaves stretching up to the sunlight

NEVER LET YOURSELF BE STOPPED BY WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF YOU STARTED EARLIER!!!!! THE ONLY TIME WE HAVE IS NOW

i'm excited to live the rest of my life like it belongs to me

btw I am doing it afraid

btw ​I did it afraid and was rewarded beautifully

i was such a weird lonely little girl and maybe i grew to be a weird lonely woman but idc i built this life for myself and maybe it doesn’t always make sense to others and maybe isn’t always easy or beautiful but it is mine and i cherish it

I AM NOT INTERESTED IN LIVING A LIFE WHERE I COWER AWAY FROM BEAUTY OR GOODNESS BECAUSE OF THE POTENTIAL TO BE HURT. I AM BARRELING TOWARD IT. LIFE IS GOING TO CRACK ME OPEN LIKE A PIÑATA AND I AM GOING TO LET IT.

crazy how I think I'm not brave enough to do some things and then I just go and get them done. and it's always like this

shaking six year old me by the shoulders YOU WERE RIGHT. YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT LOVE AND ABOUT FAIRNESS AND ABOUT SHARING IS CARING. YOU WERE RIGHT. THE ADULTS DON’T KNOW ANY MORE ABOUT TRUTH THAN YOU DO. KEEP BELIEVING IN THE FAIRIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GARDEN. NOTHING IS “JUST THE WAY IT IS”. I AM SORRY THEY EVER CONVINCED YOU TO FEEL SHAME. YOU ARE REAL AND A PART OF THIS WORLD. YOU WERE RIGHT.

“but we stay silly” is honestly such a beautiful thing to say. there is whimsy in this world and we will strive to keep it

x

WE ARE NOT WISE!!!!!!!!! AND NOT VERY OFTEN KIND!!!!!!!!!!! AND MUCH CAN NEVER BE REDEEMED!!!!!! STILL!!!!!!!!! LIFE HAS SOME POSSIBILITY LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how to stop isolating yourself?? the answer is give up on code and hidden messages. love fully and loudly and truthfully and always. be deliberate. be open. feel everything. but won’t it be hard? won’t it hurt? yes!!!! yes.

at times when hope is too big of a thing to have, curiosity (even clinical or small) is a very good placeholder

asking myself "why continue" & finding the answer is always, in some form, "i want to know what happens next", even if that want is tired or detached or outright morbid