gayriatan

Sometimes. Usually not. When you have the PATIENCE to actually FINISH SOMETHING, it's pretty good! The concept of TIME is something you KIND OF STRUGGLE WITH IN GENERAL. You sure do WASTE a lot of it. As if ART wasn't HARD ENOUGH FOR YOU ALREADY. You're very SELF-CRITICAL, and your MELODRAMATIC and PESSIMISTIC NATURE tend to conspire to make you SPIRAL when something goes EVEN SLIGHTLY WRONG. Friends would say you're a lot harder on YOURSELF than you are on THEM. You have an OPEN, MATERNAL DISPOSITION, even if you do have a PRONOUNCED MEAN STREAK. Listen, people are idiots sometimes. And they need to know about it.

The maternal thing you might have INHERITED - NURTURE rather than NATURE, in this case. You are a rare LIMEBLOOD, a caste thought to be WIPED OUT on Alternia. As such, while you can use a now defunct LIME SIGN and disused RESOURCES for limebloods, YOU HAVE NO LUSUS. No limeblood lusii are still alive. So you were raised by some SYMPATHETIC JADES in TOP SECRET in the brooding caverns. Aside from one jade your own age who kept trying to BLOW YOU UP, they were very kind, which is why you HAD TO LEAVE. The brooding caverns are a BUSY PLACE, and they get VISITORS. And you, YOU ARE A COWARD. You decided to LIVE ALONE IN HIDING rather than risk DISCOVERY AMONG THE JADES.

Well, that was maybe less about RISKING DISCOVERY and more about GETTING AWAY FROM ALL THOSE PEOPLE. Honestly, GETTING OUTED AS A MUTANT isn't something that feels very REAL to you. I mean, who gets culled for being a mutant in this day and age? You don't know, and you WILL NEVER RESEARCH IT TO FIND OUT, because you simply DON'T WANT TO KNOW. What you don't know CAN'T HURT YOU, after all. And they wouldn't SAY it if it weren't TRUE. That has to be ILLEGAL.

Seriously though, it’s TII. Everyone calls you Tii. You love engineering. You’re the BEST AT ENGINEERING. No one would dare to say otherwise. Or think it. They probably couldn’t think it even if they wanted to, because the only thing you are better at than engineering is MIND GAMES. You love to play with trolls like they are puppets in your hands. It’s just so much easier to focus on your SECRET PROJECTS when you have others to run around doing your DIRTY WORK. What’s your SECRET PROJECTS? Ha! Like you’re gonna tell. Secrets were made to brag about not to spill.

You are VERY RICH, and if anyone were to ask it is simply because you are the best prosthetic tecnician around. But you know it is simply because you are just THE BEST CON ARTIST THERE IS. You’ll let us in on a little trick. Your secrets. See, Alternia has an influx of HITMEN, ASSASSINS, trolls who are DESPERATE FOR A LITTLE VIOLENCE. And you simply provide a name, a date, and their fee for non-lethal hits. Nothing to connect you. Hey you don’t do anything at all except help out the injured! You are the backbone of this society. With a very high fee. Between work and projects you aren’t willing to share, you chat with a number of AQUAINTENCES and NEIGHBOURS.

This happens far too often. You've just been under a LOT OF STRESS, EVER SINCE YOU WERE HATCHED. You just kind of let your forehead REST DEJECTEDLY against the frosted glass of your OFFICE DOOR and watch your BREATH FOG UP THE COLD, HARD SURFACE.

When you're not locked out, you usually use this time to have a REVITALISING COFFEE in there and PLAN OUT YOUR WEEK. You are the master of ORGANISATIONAL PLANNERS. It's you.

You've used your LEGISLACERATOR TRAINING to get a FAIRLY STEADY JOB AS AN AGENT. Actual legislacerator work involves a bit too much BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THE GORY DEATHS OF OTHERS for your FRAGILE CONSTITUTION. Sometimes you think you're not cut out to be a part of this society. Sometimes, it even feels like Alternia is a CARTOONISHLY VIOLENT AND UNJUST PLACE TO LIVE. Not to sound like TROLL GEORGE COSTANZA or anything, but COME ON. You've earned a TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF SCORN from your fellow TEALBLOODS for this cop-out, but at least you get to hang out with THE MOST POPULAR TROLL PERFORMERS, WIDELY RECOGNISED TO BE THE WORST PEOPLE ON THE ENTIRE PLANET. But at least there is MARGINALLY LESS BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS, right?Being an AGENT isn't all you do, though. You are occasionally contacted by a MEMBER OF A REBEL GROUP in a nearby city who has you do PRO BONO WORK for the NEEDY. Well. Sometimes it's PRO BONO, sometimes HE PAYS FOR IT. He can afford it, and you NEED TO EAT. Most of the work you do for them is CLERICAL and related to BUREAUCRATIC MATTERS, like LAND RIGHTS. You've never been to TROLL COURT, and you don't plan on EVER GOING THERE. Not if you're lucky.

You don’t like being out and about much around other trolls, it’s dangerous, especially due to your blood color. JADEBLOODS are one of the rarest on the hemospectrum, and typically confined to the caverns to tend to the MOTHERGRUB. Except for you. When you were younger some stuff… happened. But you survived, you escaped, it doesn’t matter how, because YOU DON’T BELONG THERE ANYMORE, and you DON’T LIKE BEING NOTICED. Besides, you have better things to do. You have goals, amibitions. Unlike THOSE OTHER JADES, you don’t need to be TIED DOWN to dumb, meaningless duties. You have shit to do. But you’re not going to tell us about that. It would just be BAD STORYTELLING.

Speaking of bad stories, you have a few hobbies, one of which is FIXING BAD LITERATURE. So many books you read are blatant misinformation, propaganda or just straight up bad writing. Mostly propaganda though. You’ve taken it upon yourself to RESOLVE THIS, there is not a single book that cannot be ENHANCED by an actually decent writer. Your favourite books to fix are ROMANCE FICTION, particularly ones with TERRIBLE DEPECITIONS OF RAINBOWDRINKERS. Not for any paritcular reason, of course. Sometimes you WRITE YOUR OWN FICTION, but that’s just for your eyes. If you showed anyone, YOU’D HAVE TO KILL THEM. You used to enjoy COLLECTING THINGS, such as GRUB HORNS from the unlucky, or BEAUTIFUL CRYSTALS that you stumbled upon sometimes when YOU EXPLORED THE CAVERNS. But it’s bad to get attached to PHYSICAL ITEMS, you don’t want to get too attached to the PHYSICAL PLANE, it’s BAD FOR YOU.

You have a number of hobbies to fill your time with. Outside the front of your hive is a very WELL KEPT GARDEN of GENERALLY CARNIVOUROUS PLANTS. Alternia wildlife isn’t too friendly, but you can’t blame them, it’s only in their nature! You keep them at bay with lusii you find around, it’s common for your neighbours to get CULLED and often the lusii don’t make it after that, so why let them go to waste? Speaking of neighbours, even though you live in a somewhat more crowded area, visitors are, rare, for your hive, as your WILDLY DANGEROUS GARDEN and hobby of TAXIDERMY tend to come across as CREEPY. Typically the dead on Alternia are just left out to be reclaimed by the wild, but [creating new animals]

Maybe it hasn't been that long. You kind of LOSE TRACK. You've lost a LOT OF THINGS, as well as your LIFE. Over time, trapped in LIMBO BETWEEN THE DEAD AND THE LIVING, you've developed a fixation on ANGELS. You know, those AWFUL FEATHERY BEASTS PARADOX SPACE USES TO USHER IN THE END. For a while, after your UNTIMELY DEATH, you hoped to BECOME AN ANGEL and move on from this UNFORTUNATE WORLD. This has spectacularly FAILED TO OCCUR. You realise now that you and your friends have a HIGHER PURPOSE and this is why you are still BOUND TO THIS REALM.

In exchange for the loss of PASSION and TANGIBLE MATTER in your life, you've gained an INCISIVE INSIGHT into the INTERIORITY OF YOUR FRIENDS. You see their SELVES for WHAT THEY ARE. This is one thing that can MAINTAIN YOUR INTEREST and make your UN-LIFE worthwhile.

Ever since discovering a cache of MEMORABILIA left behind by your ANCESTOR, you’ve been enamored with the long-forgotten lime blood game of CRICKET. surmised from the unearthed strategy manuals, the QUEEN’S GAME is a game of pure trollian VIOLENCE and BLOODLUST, involving beating opponents with BATS, and RUNNING from large dangerous beasts known as WICKETS. from your research, games of cricket can last from MONTHS to YEARS, the ground stained LIME with the blood of its players, relying on their WITS, BRUTALITY, and BOWLING SKILL to survive. It really is a MAGNIFICENT GAME.

You spend an unreasonable amount of time LOUNGING AROUND, just TAKING IT ALL IN, ENJOYING THE ATMOSPHERE. And more often than not, you’re doing this at CLOWN CHURCH, where you spend many of your days. It’s just a nice place to be, as long as you don’t DISPLEASE THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS. That’s not too hard though, you keep up with your duties and your prayers and it all goes pretty smoothly. You’re pretty good friends with most of the other churchgoers, you know everyone by name and they know you. It’s so friendly, that’s probably why you got put in charge of keeping track of how everyone is doing, who’s excelling in the work of the messiahs and who’s looking to get culled. It’s not a pleasant job but hey, someones gotta do it.

Back at home you like to spend your time participating in a number of activities. Dressing up your ROARBEAST LUSUS definitely ranks high, he’s way more patient than he shoudl be with you. Although he always draws the line when you break out the facepaint. That stuff is WAY too hard to wash out of fur, and you’re still learning how to paint it with your right hand. You’re also a huge fan of JIMMEE BUFFET, a kind of underground musician, you guess he kind of has to be though, it’s rare for tealbloods to turn away from law. It’s a shame you can never meet him, if you did you’d simply have to CULL HIM.

You think that’s a little bit rude. You are A DEADLY ASSASSIN after all. You could kill those trolls so easily. If you wanted to. Maybe you will. What?

aah i;msoyr imsrpry ims rorry sim’ tryign tosdeleteti imsorry i dont knwo how to delte tit im sorrry ims orry

Okay.

So maybe you are a pushover. It’s fine. You don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s not like people KEEP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU or anything. It’s not like you have a repuptation for being THE WORST ASSASSIN ON ALTERNIA. It’s totally okay. Even if you kind of SUCK ASS AT YOUR JOB you have at least picked up a few COOL SKILLS from it. Because you are constantly failing hits, you have had to become a bit of a MASTER OF DISGUISE so that nobody recognises you as that troll who broke into their house and tried to strangle them in their sleep but you panicked and dropped the wire as soon as they started struggling and it fell into their recupracoon and honestly you’re really sad about it because you paid a lot of good money for that garrotte and now its lost in some strangers hive all covered in goo and even if you could get it back it’d probably all gunked up and slimy now and wouldn’t work as well because it would just slide around and wouldn’t stangle very good honestly you don’t even see the point of sleeping in weird slime like you get it’s good for your horns and everything but- Umm...

Sorry...Your train of thought is kind of a wild ride sometimes. Anyway, where where you?

Oh yes. You see, your horns actually aren’t your own horns. Honestly, you’ve kind of FORGOTTEN WHAT YOUR ORIGINAL HORNS LOOKED LIKE. They were already kind of shitty and small, so you just filed them down and now you can easily clip on SPECIALLY MADE FAKE HORNS over the top! Along with that, you also keep your head shaved so that you can wear a variety of WIGS AND SCARVES. Nobody will ever recognise you! You live in complete anonymity! Which is…  Kind of a bummer actually, as it means you are only really able to have friends online. In your spare time between FAILED HITS and PLAYING DRESSUP you are a big follower of Alternias many BLOOD SPORTS. You often find yourself daydreaming of one day becoming a famous GRUGBY PLAYER. In your dream, you are the star. It’s you.

You lived a solitary life, partially necessitated by your status as a mutant but invited also by your introverted nature. You were close to your lusus, and to your moirail, who you spent your days baking for and attempting to help train in the art of combat (you were better at baking by far) until you made a careless and foolish MISTAKE which led to all three of you losing your lives in an INCIDENT you would really rather not think about.

Following your passing you and your lusus found yourselves within a system of dark caves and interconnecting tunnels- the SHADE, in which lost souls with unfinished business linger until they are able to battle their DEMONS and complete their QUESTS to find their way to the AFTERLIFE. You have taken it upon yourself to help guide these souls through the SHADE, in part to help pass time, as being dead is far less interesting than one might imagine it to be, and to further explore the SHADE and complete your QUEST of finding your moirail and entering the AFTERLIFE with her. If a soul is unable to succeed in their QUEST they become one of the FADED which take the form of glow-worms lighting paths through the caves to help lost souls complete that which they could not. You travel through the SHADE armed with your trusty ROLLING PIN and BAKING TRAY, which you use to defend yourself against the various DEMONS which lurk within the SHADE, and wearing your UNIFORM to hide your ghostly appearance from the easily startled newly dead who have yet to reach the same state as you. You continue to bake with the use of a rusty old oven you happened upon within the darkness of the SHADE- although rather for pleasure it is for survival, as you must keep your strength up in order to continue your search for your moirail instead of joining the FADED, and leave a trail of baked goods through the SHADE in order to help her find you.