eimai o ampouompeintas

geia sas kai pali magkes,

shmera tha sas grapsw ena akoma post gia thn aenah prospatheia mou na ginw performative male. (gia ta merh 1 kai 2 pathste ta parakatw link: #1 kai #2)

...

"file ampouompeinta, afou myhthikes sto matcha tsai kai ta tote bags, irthe h wra na kaneis level up to performativeness sou".

auta ta logia mou eipe h maria me enan eirwniko tono, kai ksekinhse athela ths ena kainourio kefalaio sthn peripeteia mou.

hmastan sthn paralia, opou eixame paei monohmerh ekdromh thn kyriakh. o hlios xtypouse olh mas thn parea me authn thn hpia alla glykia zesth tou maiou, enw to aeraki ths thalassas xtypage sta prosopa mas.

ekeinh thn stigmh etoimazame oloi ta pragmata mas stis ksaplwstres, wstoso to myalo mou htan braxykyklwmeno, ligo logw tou prwinou ksypnhmatos, ligo logw ths diadromhs mexri thn paralia kathws kai giati den eixa teleiwsei to deutero matcha latte ths hmeras. gia autous tous logous den katafera na katalabw ti ennoouse.

"ti ennoeis?" thn rwtaw.

"irthe h wra na akouseis to spotify playlist pou eftiaksa" mou leei auth xairekaka.

"w re malaka ampouompeinta ginesai epeidektiko arseniko" gelane oi ypoloipoi apo thn parea.

egw ws apanthsh tous apantaw me brisies kai me protropes gia autoktonia, kai autoi etreksan na mpoun mesa sto nero.

egw kai h maria eixame bardia na prosexoume ta pragmata. ws apotelesma, h maria ksekinhse kai ebale to playlist ths sto hxeio, prosthetwntas "prepei na arxiseis na yposthrizeis gynaikes kallitexnides".

arxise na mou deixnei diaforetikous kallitexnes pou einai female gaze. sabrina carpenter, chappel, kai epeita mitski. telos mou evale ligo taylor swift kai blankpink (an kai tous misei) gia na mporesw na milaw kai me pio basikes kopeles.

afou loipon bghkan oi alloi kai mphkame emeis sthn thalassa, htan etoimh na me valei na kanw test sthn mousikh pou me ebale na akousw, alla eytyxws to apefyga. h monohmerh mas kylise epeita omala ystera apo auto.

fast forward loipon sto xtes kai eixame kanonisei me thn maria kai mia allh kalh ths filh, thn afrodith, thn opoia eixe gnwrisei se ena art bazaar.

briskomaste me thn afrodith ston stathmo tou metro. einai mia poly omorfh kopela mesaiou anasthmatos, me mavra mallia kai mple matia. einai epishs bathia psagmenh kai politikopoihmenh, eidika gia emfyla themata symfwna me thn maria. molis thn eida, katalaba oti auth htan h teleia eukairia gia mena, ton ampouompeinta, na lampsei.

arxisame na perapatame kai phgame se ena cafe sta eksarxeia kai piasame loipon syzhthsh.

"fainesai gia typas pou tha mou flexarei oti diabazei feministikh logotexnia" ksekinaei.

"tha protimouses na sou flexarw to gousto mou sthn mousikh?" ths apantw kai auth gelase elafrws.

arxisa loipon na tis milaw gia tin mousikh pou mou edeikse h maria, h opoia ekane claim ta credits gia to gegonos oti ena moid akouei tetoia asmata.

synexisame na milame kai na kanoume xabale, kai h eksodos mas phgainane kala. ola allaksan omws, otan egine kati anapantexo.

ksafnika, arxise na xtypaei to kinhto mou. sthn diapaswn arxisan na akougontai oi stixoi:

ANDRIKH ALLHLEGYHHHH

OSOI EXOUME ARXIDIA EIMASTE FILOIII

ekeinh thn stigmh ithela na me katapiei h gh. aporhsa: apo pote eixa auto to ringtone? apo to lykeio? pws den eixa valei to kinhto mou athoryvo? spania me kaloun thlefwno (h to vazw sto athoryvo lol), ara eixa ksexasei ti eixa valei gia hxo klhshs.

prospathisa na agnohsw to gegonos, na kanw san na mhn htan apo to diko mou thlefwno, alla apo kapoiou allou.

par'ola auta to tragoudi synexise na paizei.

AXRHSTA WARIA AXRHSTH EGGYMOSYNHHH

TO SPERMA DYNATO OPWS H KOKAINH OPWS H KOKAINHHHH

olo to magazi arxise na mas koitaei.

egw ntropiasmenos pairnw to thlefwno, to kleinw kai phga sthn toualeta.

afou eplyna to proswpo mou, eipa stis kopeles oti egine kati ektakto kai eprepe na fygw. eriksa ena trelo treksimo mexri na ftasw sto metro kai na hremhsw.

dystyxws akoma kai sthn dikia mou zwh, oi niles einai kai autes mesa sto plano.

elpizw na niwsw kalytera grafwntas thn olh fash.

kalhspera sas kai pali ellhnes,

kalwsorisate gia allh mia fora sto taksidi pou ksekinhsa egw, o titanomegistos ampouompeintas me skopo na ginw perfomative male.

sto prohgoumeno mou post (to opoio mporeite na deite edw) eksistorhsa thn prwth mou empeiria me to matcha tsai. shmera loipon, tha sas milhsw gia to deutero meros auths ths megalhs allaghs pou thelw na kanw sthn zwh mou: to gegonos oti phra to prwto mou tote bag.

prosfata loipon eixa paei na akoumphsw ligo grasidi sto comicdom kai kaname pswnia me thn kalh mou filh thn maria. perpatousame sthn texnopolh, ontas peritrygyrismenoi apo cosplayer, brwmerous weebades kai anhlika. kanontas voltes stous diaforous pagkous, kai arxisame na milame gia ta nea mas, alla mphkame telika se syzhthsh gia thn rizikh apofash mou na ginw epideiktiko arseniko.

"ma megale ampouompeita, pws ginetai na eisai epideiktiko arseniko xwris na exeis tote bag?" me rwthse h maria. "einai san na eisai agkelos xwris ftera, h san femboy xwris thigh highs. einai anhkousto!".

h prwth mou skepsi htan na apanthsw "ma eimai enas agkelos xwris ftera :(". dystyxws omws, ligo prin to pw, thymithika pws prepei na fanw normal, giati alliws yparxei panta h pithanothta na me kleisoun pali sto dafni.

ws apotelesma, to matcha stis fleves mou prolave kai milhse prwto: ths eipa pws exei apolyto dikio. mesa mou eniwsa mia mikrh perhfania, afou to na les se mia gynaika oti exei dikio einai epishs ena bhma sto na gineis enas swstos kai authentikos performative male.

enw milagame gia kana pentalepto gia to thema auto, h maria apofasise telika oti thelei na me boithisei. afou fygame apo to con, perasame apo to spiti ths kai mou edeikse thn ntoulapa ths, opou yphrxe peripou mia ntouzina apo autes tis eksairetes tsantes.

arxizei na psaxouleuei sthn ntoulapa, kai telika briskei ena tote bag me mia nana (kapws etsi mou thn eipe), to opoio mou dinei.

h tsanta eixe panw tis dyo typisses, h mia apo autes fainetai oti thelei ekdikhsh. logika ypothetw auth paizei na einai h nana sthn opoia anaferetai. parola auta akoma den iksera to onoma ths filhs ths me ta roz.

to gegonos auto omws den me ptohse: to nohma den einai to ti exei panw ths auth h tsanta kai an to kserw, alla h tsanta kathauth kai to ti auth symbolizei. auth h tsanta einai to eishthrio se mia nea, performative zwh gia emena ton ampouompeinta. gia auton ton logo, den mporesa na arnithw authn thn monadikh eukairia.

afou h filh afhse to tote bag sta xeria mou, to shkwsa panw apo to kefali mou kai to foresa, stefontas monos mou ton eauto mou san enan performative male, opws akribws ekane o napoleon. hmoun etoimos na arxisw na panhgyrizw, alla paremeina sygkrathmenos.

liga lepta meta efyga apo to spiti ths marias kai gyrisa sto spiti mou, opou koimithika san poulaki, pistevontas plhrws sthn idiofyia mou gia allh mia fora.

geia sas kai pali agaphtoi ellhnes, authn thn fora thelw na sas apokalypsw mia krymmenh alitheia gia ton kosmo twn anime, kai eidikotera gia to agaphmeno mas anime, to bungo stray dogs

otan eblepa to bsd panta me ekseplhtte toso h eufuia tou ranpo, kathws kai twn allwn xarakthrwn tou cast (opws tou dazai kai tou fyodor). auth h eufuia me ekseplhtte gia thn fainomenikh elleipsh logikhs ths. oloi autoi oi xarakthres htan san na paizoun pentadiastato skaki, kathws problepan tous pantes kai ta panta deka bhmata mprosta

kapoios kakoboulos tha mporouse na pei oti o mangaka einai apla tempelhs h atalantos. auth htan ontws mia skepsi pou mou perase apo to kefali, den tha sas pw psemata. wstoso, ti kai an yphrxe kapoio bathytero nohma? kapoia aitia gia auth gia thn aprosdokhth eksypnada twn xarakthrwn, h opoia me mia prwth matia den bgazei nohma ston theati?

kapoia stigmh syzhtaga gia to bungo stray dogs me mia kalh mou filh weebou kai kataliksame sto parakatw senario: to bsd einai ena simulation, h isws na einai apla ena paixnidi. an htan paixnidi tha htan ena apo ta polla obscure videopaixnidia ta opoia eixan bgei sthn epoxh tou playstation 2. tha htan ena paixnidi pou htan xwmeno sta rafia magaziwn kai spitiwn, alla pleon oute o pio nerdoulas millenial den thymatai kan. ena paixnidi toso obscure, gia to opoio den tha ftiaxnotan oute miso video essay sto youtube

h pleiopshfia twn anthrwpwn sto simulation auto (akoma kai h pleiopshfia twn gifted) den kseroun thn alitheia. zoun tis kathimerines h oxi kathimerines zwes tous agnowntas to gegonos oti einai fylakismenoi se ena matrix. thn alitheia gia to sympan auto fainetai na gnwrizoun mono tria atoma: o dazai, o fyodor kai o ranpo

o dazai molis gnwrise thn alitheia. antiprosopeuei ton typo anthropou o opoios paizei ena paixnidi gia deuterh fora: kserei thn plokh ths istorias apo thn arxh ews to telos, exei mathei ta mechanics tou paixnidiou kai exei ginei enas apsogos paikths. o skopos tou einai na kerdisei oso pio eukola ginetai, ekmetalleuomenos tis hdh yparxouses gnwseis tou

o fyodor apo thn alli hdh exei paiksei to paixnidi panw apo dyo fores kai logika exei teleiwsei to morally good ending. gia auton ton logo thelei na paiksei ton kako. thelei na dei ton kosmo na kaigetai (h basika na ton kapsei o idios). gia auton ton logo katrastrwnei ola auta ta sxedia se olo to bsd

wstoso, akoma kai o sadismos apokta ta oria tou kai katantaei baretos. h monh pragmatikh xara einai otan malakizesai kai trollareis. authn thn megalh alitheia exei katalabei o ranpo. giati na mhn paizeis to paixnidi kanontas oti sou erthei sto kefali? giati na akolouthiseis tis koinwnikes symbaseis? afou oi xarakthres einai pseutikoi. giati na trexeis na prolabeis na kerdiseis ton kako? phgaine polemhse ton me miso xeri (afou pleon ksereis apeksw kai anakatwta ti ginetai)

einai px pws otan paizeis sims h tomodachi kai apla trexeis gymnos mesa sthn polh h na kaneis erwtika 69gwna fash? kapws etsi. apla o ranpoulhs einai ligo ithikoulis kai den thelei na kanei tous NPCs na basanizontai toso, apla thelei na kanei athwo trolling

kalhspera se olous kai oles sas, elpizw na sas exw leipsei. dystyxws exei perasei arketos xronos apo to teleutaio mou post (kai einai diko mou lathos, sorry pookia)

telos pantwn, ksipnisa xthes deftera kai katalava oti thelw na kanw mia allagh sthn zwh mou me thn elpida na ginw xaroumenos. to skeftomoun kaposo kai meta apo ligh wra phra mia apofash: eprepe na ginw performative male. afou phra authn thn gennaia apofash, ksekinhsa na skeftomai to pws tha petyxw na metamorfwthw egw o ampouompeiontas se performative male kathws epina to monster mou

prwta apo ola, skefthka thn yparxousa mou katastash. exw hdh arketa proterhmata ta opoia mou epitrepoun na ginw ena swsto perfomative arseniko: exw kammena hobby, misw olous tous antres kai exw mia mikrh idea gia female gaze pragmata. auta mou dinoun ena headstart apo ton meso antra

par'ola auth h fysh wstoso mou edwse ena empodio: eimai kontopoutanos (an kai pistevw kserate hdh to deutero synthetiko). den eimai eksi podia pshlos opws polloi apo tous antagwnistes mou. auth h skepsi mou dhmiourghse mia stigmaia thlipsi. par'ola auta, auth h thlipsi amesa metatraphke se peisma. giati na mhn mporw na ginw kai egw ena teleios perfmormative male? ti exw egw pou den exoun autoi? h orgh enos kontou mporei na ton ftasei sta ourania, enw enas pshlos to poly na ftasei dyomish metra apo to edafos (dhladh tipota in the grand scheme of things)

afou ekana thn parapanw analysh apofasisa na parw to epomeno metro etsi wste na kanw to prwto bhma se authn thn nea mou prospatheia: na dokimasw epitelous matcha latte. phga se ena apo ta polla bobadika pou yparxoun sto kentro ths agaphmenhs mas athinas.

ftanw loipon kai epilegw na parw ena bueno matcha latte giati kata bathos eimai glykos san thn zaxarh. h geush tou htan arketa wraia, to matcha tairiaze poly me to bueno kai ekanan enan wraio syndiasmo.

par'ola auta syneidhtopoihsa oti xreiazomoun ligo akoma matcha gia na mporesw na kseperasw to level 1 tou performativeness. gia auto afou hpia to matcha latte phga se ena super market kai agorasa matcha kitkat.

h geush ths kitkat htan ok, alla den mporw na ksetrethika teleiws. par'ola auta me boithise na parw thn dosh mou gia shmera (ksekinontas etsi to dyskolo taksidi mou)

elpizw syntoma na kataferw na anebw se kainouria epipeda mexri na ginw o no #1 performative male sthn ellada mas

kalhmera sou ellhnida

allh mia mera tou agiou valentinou perase xtes. gia allh mia xronia isws na hsoun monh, gia mia akoma xronia isws na hsoun mplegmenh se ena mperdemeno situationship h na hsoun se fylakismenh se mia toxikh sxesh

isws na exeis arxisei na pisteveis oti den yparxei agaph se auton ton kosmo h oti an yparxei, den eisai proorismenh na thn breis. isws na eisai ena bhma apo to na ta parathseis kai na yiothetiseis ekshnta ennia gatia me thn kollhth sou thn maria

wstoso omws, gia kalh sou tyxh exeis pesei se mena, ton ampouompeinta, ton expert tou erwta. egw me thn aperioristh sofia mou, mporw na sou deiksw ton dromo gia thn eutuxia an to epithymeis kai esy

ksekinontas loipon se auth thn prwth dialeksh thelw na sou deiksw treis kathgories anthropwn tis opoies tha prepei na apofevgeis sto dating ekshgontas sou giati exw dikio

antres

h prwth kathgoria anthropwn pou prepei na apofevgeis einai oi antres. oi misoi apo autous einai kagoures kai sexistika gourounia, enw oi alloi misoi einai perfomative fasaioi, oi opoioi olo kathontai kai pinoun auto to prasino macho tsai kai diabazoun feministikh logotexnia gia na sto paiksoun euaisthitoi. akoma kai autoi omws tha ksexasoun auth thn euaisthisia kai tis antilipseis tous otan koimithoun mazi sou (tha ta ksanathimithoun otan apofasisoun na thn pesoun se kapoia allh)

opws katalabaineis, oti kai na kaneis, den mporeite na empisteuteis kanenan apo autous. einai mia fylh apo ypoula onta. ena megalo pososto tous tha einai abusers kai gaslighters. den aksizei na paizeis gacha mexri na petyxeis ton swsto petyxainontas 500135 xiliades malakes sto endiameso

gynaikes

h deuterh kathgoria anthropwn pou den prepei na kaneis date einai oi gynaikes. profanws den einai toso epikyndines oso oi antres, alla auto den shmainei pws autes einai teleies. polles apo autes einai pickme, alles einai drama queens kai anwrimes, enw alles den kseroun ti theloune se authn thn zwh

epeidh oi gynaikes den einai antres auto den shmainei oti tha breis agaph kai asfaleia eukola. panta yparxei to risko na plhgwtheis aneksarthtws to fylo tou atomou

non-binary

finally, tha ithela na sas proeidopoihsw gia ta non-binary atoma (h alliws enbia). ta atoma auta apo mona tous den exoun kanei kati, oute me enoxlei h tautothta tous (einai 100% valid)

wstoso paidia pistevw oti kata bathos oti zoume se ena simulation. oloi mas eimaste ekselligmenes morfes tou ChatGTP oi opoies zoume se ena mplimpliki. apo prosopika mou peiramata symperainw pws apokleietai na zoume se quantum ypologisth, ara pithanotata milame me 0 kai 1

wstoso ta non-binary atoma apokleietai na milane me auto to DYADIKO systhma epikoinwnias. h erwthsh einai: pws epikoinwnoun loipon? me 0, 1 kai 2? me dekadiko? me hex? h mhpws milane me six seven???

prosopika pantws den tha mporousa na empisteftw atoma ta opoia milane allh glwssa apo mena. tha empistevosoun kapoion tetoio esy?

me poion tha eprepe na bgeis loipon

ellhnida, eimai sigouros oti meta apo autes tis treis kathgories tha skeftesai authn thn erwthsh "re ampouompeinta, afou mou les na mhn bgainw oute me antres, oute me gynaikes oute me non-binary atoma ti thes? na pantreutw kana bodypillow?". katalabainw ton pono sou apolytws. den thelw na sou dhmiourghsw katathlipsi, gia auto tha sou apanthsw gia to poia atoma einai green flag gia sxeseis

h apanthsh einai mono mia: egw ellhnida altou

egw den eimai san tous allous, egw sebomai ta endiaferonta sou

egw akouw thn mousikh pou akous. an eisai gothou na ksereis eimai o megalyteros fan twn dahaus kai twn lebanon hangover. par'ola auta akouw kai metal mpantes opws oi pop corn h kai ellhnika tragoudia opws ton anissoropo disko

mporoume na kanoume polles ypshlou epipedou syzhthseis opws px an o scaramouche apo to genshin exei pouli kai an to peos tou mporei na theorithei strapon (afou einai marioneta). tha mporousame na milame mazi gia to sadistiko omegaverse mind-break fanfic pou diabases sto AO3 xtes h to shinsekai yori

kaneis allos den mporei na se katalabei oso kala oso egw ellhnida altou

empisteusou me, den exeis tipota na xaseis 👉👈

to death note einai ena apo ta pio gnwsta anime olwn twn epoxwn kai dikaiws. omws polys kosmos molis blepei authn thn seira apoktaei thn lanthasmenh antilipsi oti o light o yagamis einai kapoia morfhs chad epeidh einai toso cool kai toso eksypnos kai epeidh tha skotwsei tous kakous egklhmaties kai epeidh gamaei gkomenes taxa mou

par'ola auta prepei kapoia stigmh na matheutei i alitheia. gia auto ton logo egw, o ampouompeintas tha sas apodeiksw me GEGONOTA kai LOGIKI giati o light o yagami einai apla enas MPETAKIAS kai o L einai o alithinos chad tou death note

glwssa tou swmatos

ena idiaitera shmantiko pragma gia na eisai alpha arseniko einai h swsth glwssa tou swmatos. enas swstos antras den xreiazetai oute leksh gia na apodeiksei tin ikanothta tou. antithetws thn deixnei me to pws feretai ston xwro

ksekinaw loipon deixnwntas pws kathontai o L kai o light

opws vlepete sthn eikona, o fwths mas kathetai stavropodi. se enan kanoniko antra auto tha htan avolo gt tha ton ponagan ta arxidia tou. ara o bro pithanotata ta exei kserizwsei (kai h monh tou sexualikh epafh einai na ton kanei peg h misa misa)

se antithesi me ton light, o L kathetai enan tropo pou thymizei slav squat (kati poly masculine). epitrepei stan arxidia tou na einai volika, enw tautoxrona dhmiourgei mia epithtetikh entypwsh stous exthrous tou, kathwmenos san koraki to opoio einai etoimo na faei thn leia tou. auth h stash dhmiourgei fovo kai tromo san mpetakhdes san ton light ton katsikogami

to thelw, to pairnw

deuteron, enas swstos alpha arsenikos prepei na feretai san thn ariana grande: otan thelei kati to pairnei. pame na sygkrinoume pws symperifontai oi xarakthres otan theloun kati

prwton, as doume pws feretai pws feretai o light yagami me thn misa. exeis mia gkomena pou thn goustaroun oloi, alla den kaneis tipota (ektos na thn afhneis na se kanei peg). kapoioi mporei na theorisoun oti to kaneis logw narkissismou kai egwlatreias, alla sthn pragmatikothta eisai empotismenos me ta flwrika concepts ths ""synaineshs"" kai ths ""idiwtikothtas"", kai exeis tin libido mias 80xronhs asexual

se antithesi me esena omws fwtakh, o L den fobatai. otan paei na parei to kinhto ths misas misas, den fovatai oute ton xwro oute to meros. tha paei san authentikos gypas kai tha kanei auto pou thelisei xwris na noiastei gia tipota kai kanenan (eidika esena)

enasxolhsh me to grind

prin teleiwsw tin diatribh mou omws, prepei na anaferw isws to shmantikotero point mou: thn enasxolhsh me to grind

enas alithinos antras prepei na asxoleitai me to grind kai na bgazei lefta. den prepei na zei mia typikh zwh. prepei na exei kotera, na exei elikoptera kai oikopeda

o L einai idiaitera plousios. zei se villa, kai diaxeirizetai ena diktyo orfanotrofeiwn gia na broun ton diadoxo tou. ola auta mono apo tin douleia tou san ntentektiv (an kai poios kserei, mporei na asxoleitai kai me alla schemes sto background)

o light o ksenerogamis omws, zei se ena random diamerismataki sto tokyo me thn misa misa. den exei skeftei na bgalei lefta oute apo to death note (kyriolektika to pio dynato oplo sto sympan), oute na ependysei ta lefta ths misa (h opoia htan montelo)

kai ola auta to 2006, 20 xronia prin ftasoume sto shmeio opou ena spiti einai polyteleia gia ton meso neo ths genias mas

opws katalabainete loipon, o light einai anikanos oikonomika

ws apotelesma twn parapanw point mou, ginetai apolytws profanes oti o L einai o alithinos chad tou death note. o l*ght mporei na fainetai kai gamw kai na ton goustaroun oi alt gkomenes kai oi cosplayers sta conventions, alla h pragmatikothta einai allh kai einai sklhrh