Chasin' your pretty thoughts.

One of my insecurities is feeling like an orphan. I want my mom back. But how do you ask for someone who is never coming back. This leads me to always isolating myself. Idk why I do this. Could be the fact that the one person I want in my life is gone. I know I am surrounded by people who love me and care for me but in the end this insecurities indeed me from forming close relationships with people. I feel I start to make myself unapproachable. I hesitate when things get more comfortable. Now I'm talking about friends. I see myself trying and really trying to gain closer friendships but something about me and the way my mind just doesn't wanna get too close no matter how badly I want a best friend, those people I call call "my future bridesmaids" it's hard for me to reach it to others. I always feel like I'm a burden or a bother. I really just can't explain why my personality is like this. I want a family. I want closeness. I want love other than romance. I want true friends. This doesn't even make any sense. But I need to ramble on. Release is good every once in a while.