Mama Lost Her Mind

Let me tell you..finding a therapist you trust and click with is life changing. I get emotional thinking about it because my life has just become exponentially better because of her and the work we are doing. I had the best session yesterday and I really feel so thankful that I can be a better version of myself and I can break the cycle and work on stuff I’ve been so fearful of for so long. I look forward to my sessions and I literally skip on my way out because I feel so happy!

Life is beautiful. We have been redecorating our house and making it more of our own. Rowan loves kindergarten so much and he’s doing great. They are all growing so fast. We went to the fair last night and watching them laugh and run around with a sparkle in their eye just gave me butterflies. They are so beautiful and magical, I don’t have any other way to describe it.

Bill just booked our flights and he found a cute hotel. We are visiting DC just the two of us for a week. His mom is taking the kiddos for us. It’s our first long trip without them and I’m nervous and excited. We are going to see one of our favorite bands at a small club and I also found a cool tattoo studio.

Here’s a quick photo dump from the last few months. My insta is kellygelwix If you wanna be friends outside of tumblr. Ciao for now! ♥️😩

My kids love their Grammy and she loves them. She plans baking and craft projects and all the fun things when they come over. They beg to see her and we did FaceTime a ton while she was gone. Life without her was hard!! Parenting without a village or relief is really straining. We already shower her with love and appreciation for all she does but I gotta step it up so she doesn’t do anymore month long trips 😂 We are all going to Disney on Ice Sunday with her.

One of my coaches left the gym three months ago to work for target for better benefits. She still comes to workouts randomly but I almost never see her.

Yesterday she worked out with us and after she was like “I’m not sure how to ask but you look smaller, have you lost weight?” And I don’t fault her for this mentality because this gym is very big on weight loss and they celebrate it even though I could give a fuck.

But I am so validated by her comment 😭 I hate that It matters in my mind even if I don’t track it. I hate that my mentality is so poisoned. It felt good to hear her say that and I instantly felt guilty. I’m honestly not used to hearing anything about my appearance because everyone else sees me everyday so they don’t notice the changes and my regular coach only praises me for my improved strength or speed and never my appearance which I appreciate a lot.

Our favorite splurge is food soo Bill made reservations at a place we’ve never been and signed us up for the chef adventure. It’s six courses and we have no idea what they are going to serve.

Taking the trash out is such a boy job at my house..feminism leaves my body with that particular chore, sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyways. I actually took out the trash when Bill was at work!!! And he saw it when he got home late and was like “who is dumping trash in our can???” And he literally opened the bag to try to see what was in it…

I didn’t run at the gym, instead, I rowed when the workout called for running. I tried to start jogging and running in workouts in November but my ankle would swell up so I scaled back to rowing.

1. I can run two miles without stopping.

2. I can do 100 jump ropes in a row.

3. I’ve gotten a personal record high on all my olympic lifts but especially my snatch and back squat.

4. I fit comfortably into a pair of jeans that I could button but was uncomfortable in. I wore them on a date night last night!

5. I can actually do burpees and sprawls now with the jump instead of stepping up.

6. I feel so strong, energetic and I sleep like a baby.

I have lost weight and I don’t look dramatically different but I do feel really good and I don’t shy away from photos as much. I’m actually living and that makes me the happiest of all. Being a part of a gym where I challenge myself, meet new people and have friends and coaches who hold me accountable is really the biggest reason I’ve stuck with it. Truly the only downside is my freakin pelvic floor after having all of these babies!!! Lifting and a weak pelvic floor really do not mix.

I got CrossFit shoes and new running shoes. I plan to start training for the Gate River Run in December. The race is in March.

Life update since it’s been a while.

Back to working out after my ankle injury. I even ran 1400 m today! I should have just done the whole mile but now that I’m home..my Ankle is swelling a bit so probably best I didn’t. I’ve done 4 out of the 5 workouts this week, I even did one at home because I wasn’t able to go there physically. I just feel so much better when I take the time to move my body.

The kiddos are amazing. Rowan turns 5 soon 😭 They had an awesome Halloween trick or treating with friends. I love their school so much. Ruby is starting to put two words together which just blows my mind. Everyone is sleeping well. They are just beautiful balls of sunshine. Now, if I could just get Ever interested in being full potty trained… (she poops only but refuses to pee on the potty on any kind of regular schedule.)

My husband is hot. We had the best date night from start to finish 😈. We went to dinner on a rooftop downtown with some of his work friends. Then we had our own solo mini date afterwards grabbing an extra beer and some dessert. After almost 2 years of limited alone time and dates, I really cherish every time we get to go out. Then, this morning I woke up to a little plaque set up in the kitchen. It was a photo of us and it had our song..it looks like the screen that is on your phone when you play a song 🥺🥺🥺. Bill and I have hit our stride with balancing work, home, parenting and our relationship.

He was able to get free James Taylor tickets through work and we gifted them to his mom for all of help with the kids and babysitting. She was so excited. It’s nice to have her so we can spend time alone together without our wild crew. Now just to figure out what to do about Thanksgiving. Ugh.

We booked this really cute mountain cabin for 4 days in January. The kids are going to flip!!! Looking forward to a little getaway in the new year. I can’t even believe it’s almost time for all the holiday madness.

Life is beautiful. My husband is the best. My children are gorgeous tiny balls of sunshine.

I have very few complaints and I look forward to the future. I’ve really put a lot of people at a distance and it has brought me more peace than anticipated. I need to remember this.

Hobbling around after 3 littles is wild. I can’t stand for too long or I get uncomfortable. At night, my legs feel so restless and I can’t find a good position. I am over ittttt.

Thursday, I had a bad accident at the gym. I went out for the 800m run and there was a huge chunk of asphalt that I didn’t see because it blended in with the parking lot. My foot hit it and my ankle bent 90 degrees and your girl went down. I ripped my pants and scuffed my knee. By the time I hobbled back to the gym, my ankle was already starting to swell.

I got home and put my foot up with ice. Within an hour my ankle was the size of a baseball!! It was so disgusting. The first three days were so hard. I cried a lot and I was so miserable. Today, I am feeling much better.

But last night I was crying because every time I get serious into working out, something goes wrong. I gave bill 3 examples and I was feeling so dramatic and blue and he just takes it all in stride. I’m lucky to have someone who balances me out, let’s me have my woe is me moments and then pulls me out of it. He really encourages me. Sometimes I hear other people describing their partners or complaining and I really just feel lucky and thankful everyday to have a person who is my true partner..in our home, in our parenting and in our relationship. He does the work. He does more than his half. He’s loving, thoughtful and generous. And he’s freaking gorgeous and sexy as hell. I’m a lucky ass hoe. I will never take that man for granted.

We bought a loft bed off marketplace. And we got a frame to go under it to make full bunk beds. We turned the nursery into their room. We made it super cute with a new rug and they both got to pick their own bedding. Rowan chose sharks and Ever chose unicorns. We strung twinkle lights and got a star projector. And to my extreme surprise…they sleep in there!!!! Ever is so cute. She cuddles into her bed and asks me to turn the light off. Rowan is a little more nervous and scared but we got him a special flashlight and now he loves going to bed. They both actually asked me to leave and shut the door last night after hugs and kisses 😂

Until you actually live here and fear for the safety of your children because nobody gives a fuck about covid.

My anxiety yall 🙃🙃🙃

And people really love to say that covid is survivable and we’ll be fine but..what if we aren’t??? I’m truly not willing to offer up my kids as a delta variant sacrifice and hope they don’t get admitted to the hospital.

I thought I had thrush but it’s not going away and I felt a lump in my boob. Now I think I have mastitis. I’m so miserable and itchy and I don’t even know who or what kind of doctor to call about this. I’m in pain and the itching is so intense that it keeps me awake.