you can forgive yourself now

Kori made note to buy some Earth cookbooks next time she was out, if only so she wouldn’t screw anything up. There were very few recipes she remembered how to make, even though she hadn’t been gone that long. Tamaranean cooking was very different. “Then I’ll try to cook for the tower more often,” she mused, “I’m sure a diet of pizza gets old fast around here,” not to mention they had small children who hung out here too, and Kori knew they needed more than pizza.

“It does,” her voice softened, “after escaping I learned to live in the moment- because you never know when something might be taken from you. I cherish the people I became friends with- the Titans were my family for a long time,” they still were. “Dick and I dated for a while,” she told him, “that was a long time ago though, people change. We move on. I had a kingdom to return to and… Dick lost enough- I couldn’t take him from his planet. Not again.” It made her happy that Dick was happy. That was all that mattered. He was the first person she’d met who had shown her kindness- he would always have a special place in her heart. “He’s a good person,” she continued, “he taught me how to be less aggressive- my people are proud warriors, after all.” she wasn’t sure what she’d taught Dick, but she remembered noticing him live in the moment more than he used to, “Dick taught me the fun of life too. You’re lucky he found you.” her smile widened, “I’m glad we met too, RJ. You seem like a good kid- and I need you to know- you did not deserve any of the horrible things that happened to you. No one deserves that kind of treatment.”

It was something which makes RJ smile while thinking about Kori making more food around here. He has eaten a lot more pizza then one should really, but this was the first time in his life eating so much. Which makes it okay in his mind long as he kept on training. He didn’t want to get out of practice, never knowing when the next time he’ll need to protect himself will come. “Really? I can help you, not that I know anything about cooking, but I’d like to learn too.” It was the least he could do, having a part to play if he wouldn’t be a HERO.

the quiet laugh that passed her lips wasn’t entirely intentional – it wasn’t necessarily what he said that was funny. his situation sounded awful, but the thought of anyone making a move on titan’s tower was amusing. “this place is as safe as they come, the only other places that could be safer would be themyscira, which i don’t think is on this earth yet, or that batcave – i don’t even know where that is.” her shoulders shrugged as she mused it over, stuffing another piece of popcorn in her mouth before offering it over to him. “sometimes the family you choose is better. that’s sort of what the titans are about. i mean, i guess i’m luckier than some, my parents are alive, technically. my mom and i aren’t super close anymore.. she’s not really big on the whole superhero-ing thing, and my dad is zeus – but having a greek god for a parent isn’t as cool as it sounds. you definitely lucked out with dick.” cassie offered with a small smile. “i absolutely agree – and don’t worry, you won’t have a shortage of friend’s around this place.”

RJ doesn’t quite understand what was so funny about his words, but after thinking about it a moment longer realizes they could handle some armed gunmen breaking in. They were superheroes after all, something RJ only read stories about growing up through the various files given to him for studying purposes. This world has so much that’s new to it, kind of freshening to have something unexpected. “Well that makes me feel better. They won’t know what they’re dealing with if they try something.” RJ takes some of the popcorn into his mouth — eyes widening because this was the best thing he has ever had. What an amazing combination! He takes some more, holding it in his hand as they talk. “You continues to do the hero thing even though your mother didn’t approve? I think that’s cool to continue doing what you‘re passionate about despite someone telling you no.” He couldn’t begin to imagine what it’s like to have a literal god for a father. “I hope so. It feels good to just be a kid for once.”

barbara paused, considering her answer for moment before nodding. “you could say that – this team was always dick’s thing. but i’ve known dick since we were kids and bruce adopted him. my dad is the police commissioner in gotham, so we’d always be stuck at these fancy events together. i’ve met most of the rest of the team through him.” she knew she had to choose her words carefully. while babs trusted almost anyone that dick did, she knew how easy it was to figure out everyone else’s identities once you knew more than one of them so it wasn’t only her secret to tell. she smiled though as he seemed to like the idea of reading. “everyone’s tastes are different, but i’m sure i can set you up with a few to get started, and you can tell me what you like about them or don’t. maybe some tana french or agatha christie, i’ll let you take a look at them first and see what you think. so clothes and books? we’ll make a day out of it. i can text dick and let him know.”

The boy wonders if in the future he’ll need to attend those kind of events too now that he was the adoptive son of Dick Grayson — not wanting to talk to all those strangers if it could be helped. His father was a nice guy though so he has a feeling that if anything he would either look out for him OR make sure RJ doesn’t have to go. “Well that’s quite a story, growing up together. I don’t even know what he looks like in his suit — still trying to figure out what exactly a Batman is too. I’m afraid to look it up online because I have this idea stuck in my head of a swarm of bats making up a man.” He realizes how childish it sounds, but still. RJ tried to shake off the thought, focusing on the idea of going shopping! “It sounds like a lot of fun, I’m looking forward to spending the day with you. We should get some hot chocolate in the way back too. Dad will wish that he was with us instead of wherever he is.”

“Thank you, RJ,” She left the door open, because it felt like the right thing to do, and she sat on the edge of the bed, “of course you can.” she replied, gently. She could tell he’d been malnourashed, and his next statement sent a white hot anger through her for a moment, memories of her own enslavment thanks to her sister coming back for a moment. Whatever he’d been through- Dick had saved him. She hoped whoever his captors were were long dead or gone. “Your first grilled cheese?” she asked, her smile widening, “I’ve been told tomato soup is good as a side, but our pantry lacked any soup, so its just a sandwich today. Next time I’ll make sure to have tomato soup,” and it seemed like a small victory that she had mastered Earth cooking- and was still good at it. 

She let out a snort of laughter, thinking back to the day she crashed on Earth. “Well,” she sighed, “my full name is Crown Princess Koriand’r of Tamaran,” she began, “my sister, Komand’r sold me into slavery to save our planet- or so she says. I was experimented on for years, which is how I got this,” she held her hands up and flames danced around her fingers as her entire body began to glow- but it flickered out as quickly as it had appeared, “I took my first chance to escape- I stole a ship called the Starfire and wound up on Earth. Dick- your dad- and the Teen Titans- were there. Apparently, I had been chased. I almost got taken back through a portal too, but Dick and his team rescued me- he held onto my hand the entire time the portal was opened and sucked the bounty hunters through,” she chuckled, “Let’s just say I fell on top of him when the portal closed, and I kissed him to learn English,” she shrugged, “my people can learn languages through the act of kissing,” she explained, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

The boy was getting better at realizing it was okay to eat without asking, but it still felt appropriate when someone else was there. He had a lot of habits to unlearn that had been associated with his abusive upbringing — his handler never the nurturing type that he lets strangers think. RJ doesn’t want to think about the kind of manipulation Colt was spreading through the city trying to get his grip back into him. He felt safer though knowing that being adopted legally by Dick might protect him. He knew how to fight, but everything was taught by Colt. How do you fight someone that could prefect your every move? “It is, yes.” RJ takes another bite, unable to believe that he went this long without having this. “I look forward to it. I’ll always be happy to eat your cooking.” He admits as he holds onto the sandwich with one of his hands.

“i’m fine with it ,” rachel says . she can feel the uncertainty coming from him , and she reaches out to touch his arm . it’s for comfort , but also so she can figure out how bad she managed to screw this conversation up already .  the guilt from him is strong , and it makes her attempt to make him feel better .“really ,” the girl smiles softly , looking up at him . “you didn’t say anything wrong . i’m just — i’ve known dick for a while . i guess it’s just … a little strange . i mean , not strange —” she shakes her head, correcting herself quickly . “it’ll just take some getting used to , you know ? it has nothing to do with you . i think you’re great ,” she says honestly , raising her brows at him . when he cheers for her , a bright grin comes into rachel’s face . his words warm her heart as she nods enthusiastically . “you’re right ! this is really fun .” she passes the game to him , raising her brows . “here ! we can take turns .”

The boy doesn’t realize that Rachel can pick up on his emotions, but RJ doesn’t have anything to hide anyway. He doesn’t know a lot about the relationships his father had with other people, which opened up opportunities for him to say the wrong thing. Which is why the worry settled in as they were getting to know each other. Her words don’t really make him feel better, despite seeing that she’s smiling. “You think it’s strange? If you’re uncomfortable with me staying here I can find somewhere else to go until we get to know each other better. This place was your home first. I’ve never had a family before, I was just so happy to have one that I didn’t consider how anyone else in the tower would feel. I’m sorry for that.” RJ admits while looking around at the tower, flashing a smile of his own anyway. It was probably unfair to make so many people accept a newcomer like this, he didn’t think about it at first since he was just so excited to have a blanket and a bed to sleep on.

He takes a deep breath though, trying to collect himself. “I think you’re great too. I mean that, so long as you’re sure that you’re OKAY with me being here.” He says with a certain smile as his gaze watches Rachel play. His hands take the game, thinking this was a good start to getting along. He loves his DAD, but cares about how Rachel feels about the situation as well.  “I like that idea, taking turns. We make a good team. ” He says with a happier tone to his voice.

“ah it’s nothing, just about the extensive history of new york city,“ he replied giving a small shrug before showing the kid the cover of the book. in reality he was reading through as many books as he could about the history of the city to see if he could get anymore insight into the avengers that barbara hadn’t yet. “rj grayson,” he repeated before nodding and giving a soft sort of smile before turning away and taking a sip of his coffee, watching with the glance of the side of his eyes, bruce took careful notice of the younger man’s small stature. possibly evidence of malnourishment when he was younger. interesting.

however, when rj went into explaining his life story to bruce, the billionaire looked towards his butler before looking back towards the young man with a raised brow out of concern. “has dick told you about the family business?” he asked, a test to see if rj knew about the truth of dick grayson and further who bruce wayne truly was. if he didn’t answer in anyway but telling him that he knew he was batman, then bruce knew he couldn’t relay much to the boy. “and i have to ask out of pure curiosity and to see if i can use my resources, what’s the evil organization?” he set the book down, placing his hand on his hip and turning his full frame to face the boy, towering over him. “an assassin? how old are you rj?” bruce knew assassins - knew far too many of them, none acted the way this boy did. and he couldn’t figure out quite yet whether that was a good or a bad thing.

“I bet there’s a lot of interesting insights to how the city changed over the years in there. I think HISTORY is interesting.” RJ admits honestly, finding himself drawn to learning about everything he had been kept from. He glances at Alfred for a moment, feeling some sort of comfort here with him. He’s never had a family before, but his father gave him quite the extensive one. He leans forward to grab a cup of tea sitting there, taking a sip of the warm liquid while waiting for Bruce to turn back to say something. He wants to be accepted, for everyone to LIKE him if there was enough room for another.

“I know that he’s Nightwing. I’ve never seen him suited up though.” His hands out the cup down on the coaster on top of the coffee table. “SO I wouldn’t know who Nightwing is even IF I SAW HIM. I don’t know anything beyond that, except that you would let him run around with someone named Batman? I just assumed you and whoever that is are friends for you to let him mentor my dad. What does a man made of bats look like?” RJ asks with a certain childlike wonder to his voice.

He worries about more getting involved, especially someone who’s basically his grandfather now. “They’re called HYDRA, they focus mainly on word domination by any means necessary. My foster parents gave me to them when I was SIX. They made me do awful things — I never wanted to become their weapon.” He frowns remembering all the people he was forced to kill if he wanted to eat that day. His gaze looks up at Bruce, wiping away the tears forming at his eyes. “I’m eighteen. I just don’t want my handler to be able to hurt me anymore. He would hit me and —  SORRY if that was too much —”

As RJ spoke, Nat internally noted it all down, already knowing she’d be checking up on this detective to ensure that RJ was safe with him. It wouldn’t do for him to escape one situation to end up in another, and she’d fight to prevent that from happening to him. She supposed it was entirely possible this man did have good intentions, but it wasn’t in her nature to assume something that positive. Collecting children in a tower hardly sounded above board. “It’s good you’re getting to know other children your age in a non-competitive way.” That wasn’t a lie. “I would like to, if he’s alright with that.” Refusing to meet in the first place would be a red flag, and she could figure things out from there when added to whatever intel she could manage to find. Nat’s posture became a hint more relaxed, and though it sounded somewhat awkward when she spoke again, her eyes were soft. “I just want to be sure you’re safe.”

It felt good having someone in his life that genuinely cares about him. He was starting to build these relationships with other people, planning on keeping everyone CLOSE. Which is why RJ would gladly encourage his two favorite people to meet. Dick and Natasha getting along sounds like the best thing that could happen to him. He’s sure that they have a lot to talk about — he assumes is the reason she seems to be so keen on being introduced. The boy likes the feeling of being protected — maybe he won’t have to pick up one of his guns again anytime soon.  Which is probably too much wishful thinking. “You think so? I didn’t know to approach them at first out of this FEAR of making the situation awkward. It went well though — I think I might be starting to fit in? We made popcorn covered in chocolate. It makes me feel normal.”  There’s a childlike wonder to his voice at the memory that has happened recently. He knows that his trauma will follow him everywhere he goes at this point, but they doesn’t mean he can’t be happy too.

“I  think he would be alright with it — he’s really friendly. I can ask him later to see if he’s interested? You two can set up a meeting after that OR I could just give you his number? How are we doing this?” RJ was just excited they they would be introduced finally. His expression softens a little, nudging her gently. “I’m safe for now, I don’t think THEY know where I am yet.”

the smile that pulled on her lips was genuine – relieved and happy that this kid was able to escape an awful situation to be here where she knew the titans would treat him as family. on top of that, she couldn’t help but be so proud of who dick was, of the kindness he showed everyone he crossed paths with, especially those in need. “that definitely sounds like dick, i’m happy he found you. this place will be good for you too – titans were always good at providing a family for those that need it.” despite not being a part of that team, she understood the reason for it, and knew why it was so important. her head nodded in agreement, happy to do whatever she could. “absolutely, it’ll be good. getting to pick out your own stuff, it’s a way of self-expression, it’ll be good for you. do you like books? i used to be a librarian, we could always stop there too.”

The situation RJ came from is unfortunate, but  in the end there was a beacon of light. The boy would have a family, one bigger than ever thought possible. He continues to smile though since something about being around Barbara makes him smile. “Thank you, I’m glad too. I don’t want to even think about what would have happened to me living out there if he never came across me.  You know the TITANS long?” His curiosity is there, wanting to know more about the history of the people he’s sharing his time with.  Which isn’t a bad thing right? He doesn’t want to be clueless is all. “I like reading, but never had the pleasure of picking out my own things before. I’m excited about it I’ll admit. I wonder what kind of books I’ll be interested in? Do you have any recommendations for authors by chance? Mysteries sound cool.”

“well to hell with those guys –” her nose scrunched, attempting to keep her face from contorting in disgust as he spoke of his situation. she busied her hands with pulling open the bag of hot popcorn, dumping the contents into a bowl, and tossing some chocolate candies in with it. “sounds like a shitty situation to come from, sorry you had to go through it.” comfort wasn’t exactly her forte, but she wanted him to feel welcome here. they all needed this place for one reason or another. “but you’ll be safe here, and dick’s a really good guy. i mean, i don’t really know a whole lot about good father figures, but he’s probably one. he’s kind of more like a big brother in my book, because he’s friends with my sort of sister, donna. it’s complicated.” she paused, knowing he really didn’t need her to ramble at him. “i’m cassie sandsmark, or wonder girl.”

RJ couldn’t lie by saying that the situation he came from was okay — nothing about the things he had been forced to do should be thought of in that light. Entire diners full of innocent people slaughtered just to test his techniques. The joke was on the boy the whole time since nothing he ever did seemed to be good enough. “Thank you. I worry about them coming after me while I’m staying here, but I was promised that it IS safe.” He doesn’t want to wield a weapon if he doesn’t have to, not for a while anyway. RJ was tired of fighting so much.  “You don’t need to explain the specifics to me — I GET IT. Family is family, right?” He was silent for a moment, reflecting on all of it. “It’s an honor to meet you though, Cassie. You might just be the first friend I’ve ever had. I feel like making snacks together makes it pretty official.”

[ @amendcr​ ] She was not surprised at Dick Grayson anymore. First Rachel, and now this new kid, RJ. Her last phone call had ended with him telling her the new kid in the tower was his son now, and that he was not a Titan- just here because it was the safest place in the world right now- and he trusted her, Wally, Garth, Lilith, Conner, and everyone else in the tower. He also told her RJ needed to meet her. You’re one of my best friends in the entire galaxy- and you’re kind of like- his aunt in a way. Kori pushed the memory aside as she finally knocked on RJ’s door, balancing the tray she had grilled cheese sandwiches on before opening the door and popping her head inside, “RJ, right?” she asked when she caught sight of him, “Kori Anders,” she offered as she slipped inside, deciding to use the name she’d picked for traveling around Earth to fit in, “I’m a friend of Dick’s- your dad’s-” at that, she set the tray down, “I brought you lunch. Thought you’d be hungry,“ a small smile spread across her face as she thought back to Dick’s terrible cooking skills and cauliflower pizza crust (all for Gar, he’d told her), “and I promise my cooking is much better than Dick’s.”

The idea of becoming some kind of hero sounds overwhelming at the moment, not particularly interested because RJ has enough targets on his back just by trying to exist outside of the hold HYDRA had in him for so long. They don’t let people just leave, and fears that COLT will try to bring him back in. He will go down fighting in that instance, but trying to be a TITAN isn’t in the cards. RJ is just living here among them, hoping not to overstay his welcome. He trusts his father though, and anyone that’s trustworthy in HIS book is also alright with him.

 "it’s nice to meet you too ,“ she smiles back , pushing her short hair out of her face . the next words that come out give her pause . dick adopted someone . rachel stares at rj in surprise and slight confusion . when had this happened ? "oh ,” she says after a long moment before finally giving him another smile . it’s not as big as before , but it’s there . “that’s cool . i didn’t know — i hadn’t realized that —” she struggles slightly before finally saying , “dick’s a great dad . i’m really happy for you . both of you .” and she is . she truly is . she wonders if dick will ever do the same for her , though she was sure that it would be impossible considering her real father was an interdimensional demon whom she’d wiped from the face of the earth . rachel shakes her head to herself before taking the game from him , paying attention to his instructions closely and nodding along . she plays for a few minutes , grinning after successfully catching a magikarp . “i did it !”

The boy is well trained in reading emotions, assessing a situation since that was always deemed an importance. RJ wasn’t fond of what he was taught, but hopefully it can be used to do something good one day. He can tell that the smile is different than the previous one — wondering if that was his doing. Was it something he said? RJ doesn’t want to upset anyone, especially someone he just met. “Thank you. He has been great to me.” He was certain that HYDRA would have taken him back in somehow if he was out in the street for much longer. “You okay with that? I hope I didn’t say anything wrong — I didn’t mean to —“ The rest of his words heavy in his tongue, but don’t come out. He didn’t want to come in and mess everything up — surely everyone had a way of living their lives before HE showed up. RJ was an emotional one which is quickly learned, it was one of the things that HYDRA didn’t approve of. His handler’s voice ringing in the back of his mind now, something RJ was learning to ignore. He HAD to. The boy turns his gaze towers the game, watching as Rachel was playing for a few minutes. It was just as fun to watch someone else play — and when she caught one by herself he was cheering for her. “Yeah! I’m so proud of you.” He says with a genuine smile.

bruce had a large mug of coffee in hand and a tome on the history of new york in the other when he walked into one of the many living areas. glancing up he spotted alfred chatting away with someone new, someone he hadn’t recognized and for a brief moment he assumed it was a relative of his faithful butlers. “alfred,” he greeted with a warm, but small smile before glancing to the other, “i don’t believe we’ve met, i’m bruce and i’d shake your hand but - ” he held up the coffee and the book before smiling apologetically.

but what really made bruce stop and pause for the moment was hearing this younger man call dick his dad. “sorry, did you just refer to dick grayson as your father?” he asked a bit perplexed but nonetheless welcoming. “i didn’t know he had a son,” he said slowly glancing towards alfred and then back to the boy, “well - it’s nice to re-meet you then…” he asked raising a brow and awaiting for a name.

This man must be BRUCE WAYNE — RJ doesn’t know much about him aside from the fact he was Dick’s adoptive father. They were from different realities, this one is where he had always known before the other ones started to merge together. He was glad it happened because the change brought him and HIS father together.  Someone who genuinely cares about him AND giving him a family. “We can shake hands later! What are you reading?” He asks curiously wanting to keep the conversation going, looking between Bruce and Alfred a few times.

It looked like Bruce didn’t know yet, but now he does. “I did. He adopted me recently. My name is RJ GRAYSON, sir.” He introduces himself with a soft smile across his face, kicking his feet gently in the air since his legs don’t touch the floor — curse being so small. “I was living in the streets running away from an abusive situation. It’s a long story, but this EVIL organization raised me as their weapon, forcing me to be an assassin against my will. I escaped one day only to end up sleeping in one of the alleyways of your city. Dick found me, took me in, and made sure I was taken care of. He decided that HE wanted to be my dad, and it was the first time anyone’s shown me LOVE.” RJ nervously plays with the end of his sweater. He smiles still though. “So, yeah he’s my father. I look forward to getting to know you too!”

Dick stood there for a moment when RJ hugged him- but he wrapped his arms around him to return it, hugging him tightly. Part of him could already see Alfred smirking at him. For all the times he tried to say he wasn’t like Bruce, here he was, adopting a kid he’d found on the streets of Gotham. He was officially his dad, he supposed, and no amount of repeating those words would make anyone believe him. Even Kori hadn’t believed him when they met Rachel. 

The thought of being called Dad put a smile on his face. This was definitely how Bruce felt. There had been a time when he had refused to call Bruce his dad, not wanting to replace John Grayson. It’d taken him a little too long to make it a habit. It’d taken him a little too long to realize that Bruce was his dad, and you could have more than one in your life. Family wasn’t always blood, sometimes it was who you chose. He’d learned that a long time ago. “You know, those are my initils too,” he told him, “My name is actually Richard- everyone just calls me Dick- my mom called me Dickie and her Little Robin,” which was why he’d picked Robin all those years ago- that and Robin Hood. His favorite book. He pulled RJ into another hug, “Yeah, you have a family now. And I promise it’s not a burden on me, I genuinely want to do this. I’m happy to be your dad.” And he knew it meant a lot to RJ- to know he was wanted. “I’ll go grab some snacks from the kitchen and then I’ll give you a rundown on the DS, okay?”

This was the first time anyone genuinely wanted to have him in their lives. He doesn’t really remember any of the foster families that he had been placed in. RJ just wonders what was the turning point, the last straw in deciding they handing over to an organization like HYDRA was the best outcome. Was it the purpose the whole time? Did they get paid for the awful thing that they did? The boy thinks that dwelling on such aspects of his past won’t do him any good.

RJ has a FATHER now, that is smiling back at him. He unconditionally trusts the man with his life, knowing that being part of his family means never being hurt ever again. Not in the way that his handler had done. Dick was a good man, and someone RJ was proud to consider his dad. His eyes light up realizing that they had even more in common. “Really? It’s like fate for us to have met. Your mother sounds really nice.” He says honestly, not knowing the significance of what ROBIN is yet, but it sounds important to the older man.