James Baldwin, from Nothing Personal
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@ameliorates
James Baldwin, from Nothing Personal

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been having this strange feeling lately that i'm.... enjoying being myself? that being me is a lovely and fun and exciting thing? wild. what's that about
gingergordonn
regarding the röttgen pietà , elle emerson

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Hoping I will visit Tate again one day š¤
sometimes im likeā¦..what is the point of all this ??? and then i hang out with the people i love, and for a brief moment, i see
From Leonard Cohenās final letter to his dying muse, Marianne Ihlen. She died in July 2016, and Cohen followed her shortly after, dying in November 2016.
āWell Marianne itās come to this time when we are really so old and our bodies are falling apart and I think I will follow you very soon. Know that I am so close behind you that if you stretch out your hand, I think you can reach mine. And you know that Iāve always loved you for your beauty and your wisdom, but I donāt need to say anything more about that because you know all about that. But now, I just want to wish you a very good journey. Goodbye old friend. Endless love, see you down the road.ā
ā Leonard Cohen
Wood block color prints by gustave baumann
sorry, hi, more personal diarying over tumblr. maybe itās because iām mildly tipsy, maybe itās the 30c heat, maybe itās the fact of being somewhere new again, of the idea that my life in australia isnāt super stable and samey the way it was last year. it was important, i think, to find some kind of grounding, but i also feel like i got so sucked into the day in and day out. i missed the chaos of disruption, the unpredictability, the spark of never knowing my next move
iāve tapered down off my antidepressants over the last few months and itās been a wild experience. good, in that iām crying again, iām feeling horny again, iām FEELING again, everything is so big and raw and MUCH. but itās been a lot to level with too. all these thoughts ofĀ āwas this the right move??? am i really stable enough??āĀ
like. maybe not. but i have the tools, the support, the language to express when things feel massive. i didnāt have that before. antidepressants took me away from wanting to die when the world felt impossible. but now, the impossible feels like a challenge again, the world feels big in a beautiful way. maybe things will get bad bad again and iāll need to go back to them. for now, i think iām okay randomly tearing up on buses, wanking over filthy fantasies, feeling spikes of frustration over the tiniest shit. i feel like iām relearning myself in strange ways. itās not always easy, but mostly itās good

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iāve been thinking a lot lately about social media whichā¦.. duh, yes, i have made a foolish decision to get a phd studying it. why did i do that. (itās heaps of fun.) but anyway, yeah, thinking a lot about how when i write my thesis i talk about joy and connection and loss and nostalgia and feeling in these spaces but how i havenāt felt a lot of those things with regards to most of my social media in quite a while. theyāre kind of empty boxes i go to to read and consume and iām participating less and less. and part of me gets allĀ āoh god, not theĀ āsocial media is toxic we all need less screen time or society is doomedā rhetoric, has it got to me??ā and like⦠no, i still love social media spaces and donāt feel the need to do some detox in the name of wellness or whatever.Ā
(and sidenote, i donāt think itās any coincidence that that sort of discourse works so well with neoliberal wellness bs because itās so individualising + focused on actively cutting off forms of community and support? likeā¦. there are people for whomĀ āless screen timeā means cutting out whole social lifelines. but i digress.)
and with the Fall of Twitter iāve realised how much iāve kind of grown to hate a lot of the platforms iām on and self-censor myself there. like iām deleting tweets, imagining iāll be perceived in a certain way, all the things iām reading and writing about in other areas of academic work those are the things iām feeling
without the social element, the active engagement and community and conversation, it sometimes just feels like inhaling information and forgetting to breathe
iām wondering about making tiktoks of my cat, sharing her cuteness with other strangers. about going back to my sewing instagram and seeing if talking to people there helps me keep up my creative habits. if maybe coming back here will change that, to a softer place where iāve always felt i can just ramble freely, my little internet diary that may or may not get readĀ
maybe?
i read this post out to a stranger today as part of a queer studies masterclass iām taking part in ā itās two weeks in sydney amongst a bunch of other queer scholars from across the globe
itās the firstĀ āwork tripā iāve ever taken, in that i got funding from the hosting institute and my uni to be here, but i also feel weird about claiming academia asĀ āworkā because i hate the demands of professionalism and it feels like it goes against everything i study and love about theory and thinking and producing worlds through academic thought
but yeah, we had to reveal something about ourselves as part of delving into critical intimate practice and this was mine. i also, in the spirit of the post above, created some tiktoks for the first time ā one cat video and one weird little montage of various videos in my camera reel. and despite all these thoughts i name above about worry and being viewed in some way and not wanting to reveal bits of me online in case iām judged, it was fucking fun. i want to make more. i want to be in the world again, both online and offĀ
Sharks in the Rivers, Ada Limón [transcript in alt]
Mary Oliver, āDogfish.ā Dream Work
ive been wanting to get into living what do you guys recommend for a beginner

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Amrit Singh Sandhu by Beth Prince King for Overdue Magazine April 2022