Our Journey With Infertility

I know this is a TTC blog, but I really Needing some advice. How do you do something that will benifit you but will hurt someone else? Do you just continue to suffer through what makes them happy or do you do what you need to do to become happy? I feel selfish for even thinking about myself because I never do, but when it really comes down to it, how do you make someone else happy If you aren't? Do you make the change that betters you or do you continue on like normal to avoid the issues...... I am so stuck that it's unreal...........

So I realize I haven't really posted for a while. I haven't taken a break from ttcing, but I have taken myself to a new place in my life through yoga. It has brought me peace within myself, my body & especially my mind. Yoga for me is serenity. It has helped calm my mind with trying to conceive. I no longer feel the depression and the sadness. I feel the strength to move forward and keep pushing. I recommend it to all of you. One simple moment of relaxing your mind and body can put you in a better place.

This nausea is going to cost me my job, my friends and everything important to me. It keeps me from doing everything. I'm not even pregnant! It would be nce to atleast have a reason to have nausea like I do. It would be worth it but right now it is only a horrible burden. It's my 2nd week at my new job and I have already missed 2 days. Literally have no idea what to do. And doctors won't do shit because "they already did all they could right now" I feeling that's some type of joke. You help people everyday and I'm putting y faith into medicine but I'm getting nothing other than a $40,000 Crediter bill. Please don't waste my time because I promise I'm not wasting yours. I just want to be fixed. I don't have this for no reason. You doctors of all people should know that. Just help me :'(

I have been away for a while. I Decided to take a break for a while. We are a very young couple going through these struggles and it hits me really hard sometimes that I'm only 23 and I already feel like infertility controls my life. I'm to young to let something control me so much. But then I think OMG, I'm 23, I'm running out if time. If I wait to long, I could lose My chances all together. So I'm stuck with which emotion to let take over. Either the pain of infertility, or the fear it will never happen. Hard decision. So I decided to stop worrying. I was getting really depressed again and I wasn't ready for that all over again, and since I have, I have Been out with my friends and family enjoying life and living, not just just being alive. And I must say, if you ever feel weak or feel that you can't deal with the pain, take a month break and jut go with it. Do chart anything, don't worry about having a child. Just enjoy every second with the people you love. Life is worth living!

I really can't handle this nausea anymore. I can't eat, I can't do anything. I had to leave early on my night out with my friends, and I'm in the hospital atleast twice a month for it and it's becoming even more frequent now. I'm seriously on the verge of a breakdown because I just want to eat and feel normal for a day. I can't take It anymore. I've been through all the tests as far as doctors have told me and everything has been normal, why can't something just be wrong with me?! I don't care what it is at this point as long as it can't be delt with and fixed. I just want one normal day :( this is so hard to cope with at this point. I just want to cry

I want to get my husband some sort of semen enhancement pills. Unfortunately he has diabetes and we are afraid his sperm count may be lower than normal or movement may be different. So we are a bit afraid of getting the test done But we know it's a necessity. So my last question is do any of you wonderful ladies have any experience with sperm enhancement pills? Something natural that I can order without a prescription. We don't want to go crazy with medication and I want him to feel comfortable taking something unlike me who doesn't care how it makes me feel. He already feels Crappy 50 percent of the time. But any advice or website or really anything that may help us, PLEASE let me know. I'm to afraid to order something I know nothing about. It will be greatly appreciated! And also,I don't even know if you can comment back on this so if I need to set something up so it's Possible, that would be appreciated as well lol.

Well, it looks like AF will be showing her ugly face today. Not Exactly sure yet but all signs are leading to it. Not happy. But I guess what can ya do. On to next month of TTC. Maybe it's time to just push my feelings and emotions out and try to forget about them because at this point, they are taking me once again to a state of depression. But i refuse to sit around and cry... Again... So tonight, I am going out with my bestfriend/sister in law, and a few other friends. Going to have a few drinks, let loose, dance and just be 23. I'm to young to be this stressed. My biggest dream is to be able to give my husband the children that he longs for as do I, but that doesn't mean I can't have fun. I think we all need it every now and again. I need to keep my sanity because this constant sadness over something I can't change is killing me.

Sore boobs that have gotten huge (as my husband tells me lol) very bloated, moody, constantly hungry and kind of crampy. It's 9:30am here now and I was waking up every 30 minutes from 5am until 9 because I knew today was day 28 and I could test and naturally, it was a big fat negative.. Hoping I just ovulated late so I need to test in a few days but I am 98 percent sure it's just not happening this month.. What can ya do I guess.. I hate this time of month because I always feel just horrible after seeing a negative test at this point in my cycle. But, it's been 2 years of this, you'd think is be used to it by now. But nope, it never gets easier, only More disappointing..

My sister in law/ bestfriend told me that when her husband gets back from deployment. She wants to have another baby. (She has a beautiful one year old) And I am over the moon happy for her and my brother in law and god knows I wish them the best, but is it wrong of me to want to cry? Not jealous just envious. I wish I had a beautiful daughter like her and wish I could be going into my second.. Boo for feelings. They can seriously ruin a happy moment for someone because I can't control my emotions. I hope it's Normal..? She's the only person I've told about this stuff and I know she could tell something was wrong but I'd rather tell her I'm okay because that moment isn't about me and I don't want it to be. I just have no idea how to hide these feelings because even after 2 years, I am still trying. Any advice on how to help that would be great... Because I'm at a loss unfortunately.

I started this ttc blog to help me have a place to vent about the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to my infertility and the journey my husband I face ahead. I feel it's so much easier to write/type what I'm feeling rather than talking about it seeing as I don't tell anyone what's going on. But this blog has turned into far more than that. After making this account, I decided to go around and find women and families that are in the same shoes as me seeing how they would understand what I'm going through and the indescribable pain We face everyday. But it turned Into so much more than that. Without the help of some of you, getting through these hard times wouldn't of been possible. When I feel lost, I just come here and read your posts. all of you women have helped me get through my everyday life of infertility more than you know and I just want to give a huge thank you for your advice and your kind words towards me. I honestly don't think I would be able to get through these hard times without all of you amazing women. The pain and heartache we face, nobody would understand unless they go through it as well which is why I feel so strongly about this blog and this community of ttcer's. I look at it more like a family, an amazing family of women who can actually say they understand you rather than other people saying they understand your pain as their child runs around the room. Because they don't really understand. Now in saying that, that does not count for those of you who had baby number one easy but have been trying years for number two, because you understand as well. That pain is no different. When you are younger, you dream of being married to Prince Charming, having a beautiful out of this world wedding and then lastly, having a child of your own. But when you have a hard time with the biggest dream of all, creating your family, your whole world feels out of place and you can't figure out where you went wrong or why it has to be you. But I will be honest and say I wouldn't wish this pain and heartache on ANY other women. I was built to handle it and that's why god picked me. It's unfortunate but it's life. One day we will all have little babies running around but for now, our hopes and dreams have all changed. And when we finally get to hold that little piece of heaven in our arms, nothing else in the world will matter. All of this pain, it will be beyond worth it. <3

Well, I'm back in the hospital again for my nausea bc it's horrid. One day I'm wishing I have to come in for it and they do the regular emergency room pregnancy test and I'm pregnant! I'd totally be okay with the nausea at that point because atleast there would be a reason for it. A girl can dream right.

My eyeshadow/lipgloss lip color I made since I didn't have any lipstick. Worked beautifully!

If you don't own a lipstick like me but own a lip gloss, dip your lip gloss brush with barely and lipgloss on it into an eye shadow you 1) never use and 2) want that lip color. Oh My God! Perfection. I will never buy lipstick again. Your hubby my not want a kiss that way but it looks beautiful anyways! I picked a maroon tonight. I am in love!

This nausea is going to be the death of me. I have chronic nausea that I've been dealing with for years but it never goes through the night and lasts into the morning like it is today. And my boobs have grown overnight and are ao incredibly sore. so crazy. Wondering if af is on her way in due to the bad nausea. Guess we will just have to see. On a different note, my dreams last night were all pregnancy dreams. I actually woke up and took a pg test half asleep this morning and I'm only cd23 so clearly I wasn't fully awake and it was negative. Thank you dreams for all those positive pregnancy tests in my head. Geesh.

I got a call back from my doctor today letting me know that clomid has made me ovulate this month. They said it was a consistent 39. So that's great! Now just hope that this cycle is it. Don't have my hopes to high but still hopeful!