alive

transcription: Person holding plain waffle: Perfect! 1st person while pouring a bucket of syrup onto his waffles, shouting: SYYYYYYRUUUUUUPPPPP!!!! Second person, in a darkly amused voice: How does it feel, ten seconds, after recording that tiktok? [couple seconds of tense silence] When the cameras aren’t rolling. When it’s just you. Alone. Surrounded by syrup. [long pause] Who cleans all that? Is it you? Do you wipe the countertop, scrub it hard, I presume? And all that on the floor, do you get on your hands and knees, on all fours, and wipe endlessly? Bowed down, like you’re worshiping some god? [pause] One who certainly doesn’t look kindly on you. When you try to get up, from those impossibly sticky floors, does your body stay? As if trapped in hell? [pause] I hope so.

me: *turns up to court in a fursuit* “hi I’m your public defurnder :3c”

me: *tears in my eyes begging the judge* ill plead guilty if you arrest them too

fuck hot weather and anybody that loves it

When the weather is hot and sticky that’s no time dunk your Dicky but when the frost is on the pumpkin that’s the time for Dicky Dunking!!

Bite me as hard as you please, and make me see stars. I am yours to use.

imagine a burger saying this haha

from now on, by law, no one is allowed to ask me what i plan to do with my life or about my future plans. i’ve updated my privacy policy.