I got that dumb dick

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Extremely cuddly. He’ll immediately pull you close to him, engulfing you in his warm arms and nuzzling his face in your hair or your shoulder. He’ll press kisses on your forehead and rub circles along your back as both of your breathing syncs up. At the beginning of your relationship, he didn’t know much aftercare etiquette, but over time, he’s learned how to dote on you properly. If you even try to get up out of bed, he’ll gently push you back down and insist that you stay comfortable while he goes to get you a damp washcloth and a glass of water. When he returns, he’ll pull you close to him and ask you how you’re feeling, if anything hurts, or if he did anything too harshly. He’s always scared of disappointing you or accidentally doing something to make you uncomfortable. He likes it when you two lay back down, facing each other, and he can feel your soft skin against his. He’ll wrap his arms around your back and hold you close, feeling grounded and so lucky that he has you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He’s most proud of his physique—his chest and his arm muscles. He likes his hands as well, or moreso the way that his hands look so huge in comparison to yours; the way he can wrap his whole hand around both of your wrists to pin them up above you.

His favorite body part of yours is your thighs; he loves squeezing them lovingly when you’re just sitting together and he wants to rile you up. When he’s eating you out, his hands will be gripping your thighs like he’s holding on for dear life, trying to hold you in place as he licks and sucks you. Similarly, he loves your tits because he can grab onto them as well while he’s fucking into you. If you’re riding him, he can lean up and suck on one while kneading the other. He likes your hands and how delicate they are when they roam his body, trace over his scars, and massage his scalp when he’s laying in bed with you. He also likes how small your hands look when they’re wrapped around his thick cock.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Loves coming inside of you. It feels the most intimate to him and he loves the idea of marking you as his. Watching his cum spill out of you as he gets up to get you a warm washcloth is the hottest thing to him. He doesn’t necessarily have a breeding kink—his personal thoughts on having kids tend to go back and forth often—but the way you moan and spasm around him as you feel his cum shoot deep inside of you makes him go feral. On the less-common occasion that he pulls out and cums all over your stomach and chest, he’ll lick it off of you and spit his cum into your mouth, feeding you. Then he’ll kiss you, messily, enjoying the taste of him and you on your lips.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Before you and Simon began officially seeing each other, he had a huge crush on you. For a while, he honestly didn’t even know what his feelings for you were until Price and Soap kept pestering him as to why he would always gravitate towards you. Perhaps that was why Price partnered you and Simon up for combat training on base (Maybe a little bit of close-contact will open his eyes, thought Price). For a whole day, you and Simon were training together, practicing different stealth and strength moves on each other, touching each other, grabbing each other… Simon could barely keep his head on straight. He became so disoriented that he allowed you to just completely flip him over and pin him down on the training mat. It was probably one of the first times he’d ever been able to stare up at you and the way you gazed down at him with your legs locked around his body, pinning him down, it made his cock twitch.

Simon had scrambled and grumbled something about him being done for the day, and luckily most of the others were already clearing out from the gym/training area. You’d raised your eyebrows at him and held out your hand to help him off the ground, which he hesitantly took, feeling his cock growing even harder in his pants. You had quickly slipped away back to your room, also being completely flustered by the whole situation. This left Simon to go back into the locker room to shower. No… he shouldn’t… but fucking hell he was so hard. As he stood in the shower, he just couldn’t help but lean his one arm against the tiled walls and slip his other hand down and around his hard cock. He shut his eyes tight, imagining you, thinking about your intense gaze looking down upon him, as he pumped his cock over and over again. A few grunts and groans escaped his lips despite trying to be quiet, not knowing how he would deal if anyone walked in and caught him. He didn’t let up with his pace, though, his whole body jerking forward as he got closer and closer. He came long and hard, in the showers, thinking of you. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Has some experience, but nothing too intimate. He’s had his fair share of one night stands, but those hardly gave him the ability to really get used to someone else’s body and their sexual desires or to do much of any experimenting. Obviously, he’s never really felt comfortable enough to open up to someone in such a vulnerable activity until he met you. He knows the basics, but now that he has you, he’s eager and focused on learning exactly what you like and what makes you feel good.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Call him vanilla, but I think Simon’s favorite position is missionary. He’s able to see your face and all the expressions you make while you come undone under him, and he can clearly hear all of the delicious sounds you make. He can reach down to cup your jaw and look deep into your eyes while he’s fucking you and he can lean down, nuzzling into your shoulder, and whisper filthy things into your ear. He can also easily rub your clit or hold a vibrator on your clit while he’s thrusting into you.

His other go-to positions include doggy style (he loves grabbing onto your waist and ass, as well as being able to grab your hair to pull your head back to kiss you), up against the wall or standing (he loves that he’s able to easily lift you up off the ground and put you where he wants you, he loves manhandling you), cuddlefucking you from behind (he loves gripping your thigh to hold your one leg up and lazily thrusting into you, also he loves being able to wrap his arms around you and hold you close to him), and cowgirl (he can lay back and look all over your gorgeous body, grabbing at your tits and losing his mind as you bounce on his cock).

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Simon is definitely more serious in the moment—not the same kind of serious when he’s leading a mission, but more of a passionate seriousness. Part of it stems from his own self-consciousness. Being in such a passionate, intimate moment with you only makes him second guess himself, of whether he’s even worthy of being with you. So more times than not, he’s not as humorous or sarcastic as he usually is when you’re hanging out with the rest of the team. He’s focused, intense on pleasuring you and showing his love for you. That won’t stop him from cracking a joke if the opportunity arises, but he’s mostly trying to live in the moment and cherish the time he gets to be with you in an intimate way.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He keeps up a small amount of trimming upkeep, simply for his and your comfort. Also he has a happy trail!!! And God help him if he ever shaves it because you will be fucking pissed. You love it when he’s just wearing sweatpants or boxers and you can see the trail of hair around his belly button teasingly going down, hidden by the bottoms he’s wearing. No doubt you will be on your knees in front of him within seconds.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s not the stereotypical romantic, clearly. Hell, most of the time, he truly doesn’t even feel as though he deserves to have you. He won’t light candles or scatter flower petals over your bed (at least, not because he thought of it himself; he definitely would do it if you expressed that you wanted it). But when he has you naked in bed, he takes his time with you, wanting you to feel properly loved and cared for, and he wants you to look into his eyes so he can see your love (and you can see his). He loves it when you maintain eye contact with him while he’s fucking you, feeling his whole body tense with pleasure knowing that you’re seeing him, all of him through his eyes, and you’re coming undone because of him. He likes it when your foreheads are pressed together while he’s thrusting into you and rubbing your clit and he’s nodding his head at you, urging you to cum, and you’re nodding your head feverishly back as he’s talking you through your orgasm and you’re digging your nails into his arms as you let yourself go.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Simon is so attached to you that even jerking off without you there feels wrong to him. He knows that he could if he wanted to, especially if he’s on a mission and doesn’t have you. However, he’d much rather call you up and balance his phone in between his shoulder and his ear as he’s jerking himself off and panting while listening to you touch yourself on the other end of the line. He loves to hear your muffled voice telling him that you’re close and that you want him to cum with you. If he does reach the point where he has to jerk off without you there in any capacity, he’ll do it, but it really won’t be enough to satiate him. He’ll be frustrated and pent up until he can see you again.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Firm believer that Simon likes to give up control sometimes in the bedroom. Given his position of authority in 141 and the pressure he feels every day on base and especially during a mission, Simon likes to be able to let go of that control with you. After all, so much of his pleasure comes from watching you feel pleasure and do what makes you turned on the most, so he will always let you take control if you express that desire. When he’s on top of you, kissing you intensely, you can push at his chest and move to get him to flip over on his back, you on top of him, grabbing at his wrists on either side of his head. Even though he has the strength to manhandle you back under him, he loves it when you take control like that.

He also has a size kink. He loves having you sit at the edge of the bed, standing in front of you and seeing just how small you are, looking up at him. He loves seeing your small hands struggle to wrap fully around his cock and how wide you have to open your mouth just to take the head in. He has the ease of being able to pick you up and move you into whatever position he wants, to flip you over completely or hold both of your legs up or grab both of your arms to get more leverage. One of his favorites is how he’s able to hold both of your wrists above your head with just one of his hands, or how big his hand looks when he snakes it up and around your neck, just slightly squeezing the sides.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

For the most part, Simon feels the most comfortable at his place or the place that the two of you share. It’s the only place he really feels able to relax, let alone get into a compromising situation with you. It’s very rare that he would be down to fuck in a public or semi-public area, he would have to be so riled up and have some sort of reassurance that you wouldn’t get caught by random strangers (ie. sneaking away to one of the spare bedrooms in Price’s house when he’s hosting a dinner party).

In terms of your place, though, Simon will take you anywhere. He likes fucking you in bed the most, but also favors the couch when you’re both watching a movie and your hands begin to wander around his body and he gets so turned on that he just has to turn and grab you and kiss you hard, sliding his hands down your waist. He also likes to be cheeky and distract you from cooking in the kitchen, pressing himself up against you from behind and kissing your neck until you melt in his arms. In a matter of seconds, he’ll spin you around and lift you up onto the counter, getting onto his knees to pleasure you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Sure, it sounds cliche, but Simon’s whole motivation is you . Forget sexually for a second, but romantically he is just so so in love with you. He can’t believe that anyone else on this Earth would ever love him and care for him, but you do, and he will be forever grateful. He was kind of forced to accept that he had no family, and for most of his life he was okay with that, but now that he has you, he never wants to imagine his life without you. You’re his family, his everything. That being said, you turn him on so much . It doesn’t matter what time of day or what you’re wearing, the second you enter his view, Simon is practically making heart eyes at you (and his cock is immediately twitching).

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

My hot take is that I firmly believe he would not have a daddy kink. His own childhood trauma with his father would make that a huge turn-off for him. (He’d rather you call him Lieutenant or Sir, if anything.)

Also, anything too rough, borderline inflicting pain onto you (even if you insist that you’d like it) Simon would not be into. He can certainly indulge you in spanking or light choking or a certain level of manhandling, but anything that he personally feels is a little too intense, he will refuse. He doesn’t want to feel like he is genuinely hurting you, even if consent is given. Yeah, the bruises on your ass from him spanking it are hot, or the red marks around your wrists from when he pinned your hands above your head, but seeing those kinds of marks on you makes him instinctively feel bad. He’ll apologize over and over while rubbing his hand over your red skin soothingly or pressing a warm wet washcloth to any bruised area, needing lots and lots of reassurance that he didn’t hurt you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He could eat you out for hours. He has before. He loves situating himself between your legs and holding your thighs apart as he licks and sucks at your cunt. Loves it when you grab at his hair and close your thighs around his head. He’ll tongue-fuck you while rubbing wet circles over your clit with his thumb and using his other hand to press gently down right below your belly button, adding pressure that makes you feel even more pleasure. Will also lick and suck on your clit eagerly while he slips two fingers into your cunt, curling them inside you and trying to hit your g-spot. Just obsessed with your pussy, he gets drunk off of being in between your legs. Simon makes sure that both of his hands and his mouth are on you at all times, and he loves it when you reach your hand out to grasp his because he’s making you feel so good. I also think that while he’s eating you out, he’ll be grinding his cock into the mattress desperately, moaning into your cunt. And unless the both of you just couldn’t wait, Simon likes to make you cum at least once with his mouth before fucking you.

In terms of himself, he isn’t nearly as adamant about getting his dick sucked, but he certainly won’t pass it up if you’re offering. Again, most of his pleasure comes from your pleasure, so when you’re drooling and moaning on his cock, he’s going to be in absolute bliss. It turns him on so much how both of your hands can wrap around his cock and you can pump him while sucking and licking at the head. He also likes it when you press both of your hands down on his inner thighs so he can’t buck up into you while you bob on his cock. And of course, he loves it when you take your mouth off of his cock, spit falling from your lips, and you crawl up on top of him and kiss him hard.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It all depends on the day and the mood. Simon is very good at adapting (on the battlefield and in the bedroom!) so he can easily go from roughly fucking you to slowly and passionately making love to you. If you two start off pretty hot and heavy but need to take it slower, he’ll turn you so you can lie on your back comfortably and he’ll thrust lazily into you so you can both catch your breath. He’ll kiss down your neck and your chest, shuddering when you run your fingers through his hair. Likewise, if you’re starting things slowly but you moan out “Faster!”, Simon will absolutely oblige within seconds. He’ll grip onto your waist or your thighs tightly and begin fucking into you faster, grunting as he quickens his pace and makes you cry out.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

I doubt Simon would ever refuse a quickie, it’s just that he prefers being able to get comfortable and take his time with you. If you entice him enough to get him to sneak off into the locker rooms or have you quickly before you have to go somewhere, he’ll glady lift you up into his arms and fuck you against the wall until he’s cumming deep inside of you. However, I definitely believe that a quickie is also a promise that he will take care of you properly later that night, when he can lay you down somewhere comfortable and get on his knees in front of you and eat you out until you cum at least twice. To Simon, a quickie is a fun prelude to the main event, even if it takes a few hours to get there. Quickies are also usually the times that he’ll fuck you with the balaclava and/or mask on, assuming that he’s too lazy or rushed to take any of his clothes off. As much as you like it when he takes the mask off and you can see all of him and run your hands through his hair, seeing his intense gaze into your eyes while the rest of his face is covered by the mask is immensely hot, especially when he haphazardly lifts the balaclava over his nose so he can kiss you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Absolutely down to experiment, given that you’ve been together for a good amount of time and he fully trusts you. If you’re wanting to try out something new in the bedroom, just bring it up to him! He’ll listen and try to understand exactly what you want so that he can do his best! There’s obviously a scale of things that he would be more game to try and things he would be more hesitant on, but generally I think he’s the type to be willing to try something at least once.

When it comes to risk, however, that’s a whole other story. Most of his insecurities and fears stem from putting those around him in danger, so that’s something that he never wants to do. Even when it comes to sex, he’d never want to do anything that would put you at risk or in a situation you wouldn’t be comfortable with. In terms of getting caught, Simon is acutely aware of making sure that neither of you could potentially be caught in such an indecent position. It’s not that he’d be ashamed if you two got caught in the act, necessarily, but his own self-consciousness would definitely take over and make him feel uncomfortable, even if he was caught mostly clothed. More importantly, he’d be worried that you would feel embarrassed and exposed.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

I think Simon would usually be able to go two rounds before he would have to take a longer break to get reset and ready to go again. His main focus is pleasing you, of course, and during those breaks he will have no problem going down on you ravenously, wanting to make you cum at least once with just his mouth while his cock gets hard again. For the first two rounds, I believe that Simon would cum deep inside of your cunt, slowly pulling out and watching as his cum continues to paint your gorgeous pussy. He loves having his cock and your pussy glistening in cum as he continues to fuck you over and over again.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Simon doesn’t personally own any toys, but that doesn’t mean he’s not open to trying out any or using ones that you already have. He wouldn’t feel threatened if you wanted to use a vibrator, he would eagerly let you work your vibrator over your clit as he fucked you hard and deep. He loves to see the way you come undone with the extra stimulation.

If you want to use any toys on him, he’d probably be more hesitant. Depending on how long you’ve been together, he may not be open to it at first. However, he has to admit he’s intrigued, and on his own time and terms, one day he’ll bring it up to you that he’s willing to try. Part of his own pleasure comes from your pleasure, so if you’re super into using toys on him and it’s riling you up, he will enjoy it that much more.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Teasing is one of Simon’s favorite things because he knows he can do it so well. He takes pleasure in working you up, tracing his fingers along your body in bed in the morning only to then get up to make breakfast, leaving you wanting more. He can tease for hours, days even. Of course, he’s also going crazy for you, but he’s just better at keeping a straight face and hiding it. You, meanwhile, will get more and more whiny, more and more pent up.

One night you’ll be sitting on the couch together, Simon having been teasing and practically edging you for days, and you’ll slip your hand beneath your panties, beginning to grind your clit against your palm. Simon will notice and gently wrap his hand around your wrist, asking you Can you just not take it anymore? You’ll whimper out and shake your head fervently, pleading that you want Simon so badly. His eyes will sparkle and he’ll grin devilishly, patting his thigh. He’ll tell you that he wants you to grind against your thigh and cum like that first, only further teasing you. But if you’re good and do as he says, he’ll make it worth your while, making sure to fuck you hard and good to make you cum for a second time.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Outside of the bedroom, Simon is clearly not a man of many words. I think this would semi-translate into the bedroom, at least at first. Maybe early on in your relationship, he would be hesitant to get too loud or make too much noise. If anything, it was because he’s so focused on you and your pleasure, but also partly because of his own self-consciousness. He grunts and growls, his usually deep voice going even deeper. Over time, as you and Simon explore each other sexually and learn what the other likes, he becomes more vocal for you (especially if you communicate to him that it turns you on!) He’ll do anything for you—if you ask him to beg and plead, he’ll beg and plead. If you yank at his hair while you’re riding him, he’ll yelp out and whimper. If he’s letting you take the lead, he’ll be putty in your hands, moaning and crying out your name as you make him feel good. On any given day, though, he loves praise and he loves to praise you (He likes to be called good boy). When he has you naked under him, he won’t stop murmuring about how beautiful and gorgeous you are. While you’re riding him or sucking his cock, he’ll groan and call you a good girl and tell you how good you’re making him feel.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Likes it when you ask him for permission to cum. Not even in a dominating controlling way, because he will always crack and give you what you want, but he loves feeling you get close and then stopping, looking deep in your eyes, and asking, “Are you gonna cum for me? What do you say?” And immediately you will begin nodding fervently and pleading: “Please, please, please, Simon, can I cum? Please can I cum for you? Am I allowed?” Simon loves when you become a begging, pleading, whimpering mess for him, and it will always play out in your favor because he can never say no to you, especially when you ask so nicely. He likes thrusting lazily into you or slowly rubbing your clit while you beg, knowing that you’re going absolutely crazy trying to hold yourself back. And then when he finally says “Go ahead, cum for me, sweetheart” he loves watching your face as you let go, moaning out in pleasure and throwing your head back and shaking as your orgasm washes over you. The sight of you cumming will always make Simon cum right along after you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

7.5 inches and thick.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He’s definitely not like a rabbit in heat or anything, but he will absolutely get aroused whenever you’re in the room. Simon’s good at controlling his urges and waiting until he can get some alone time with you until he lets himself go crazy. I also think he mostly tries to base things off of you—if you’re super turned on and needy he will immediately grab you and take you to the bedroom, but if you’re not particularly in the mood that night, he’s equally as down to just cuddle in bed until you both fall asleep.

I personally think his sex drive is the highest in the morning. If he got into a position while he was sleeping where his cock is pressed up against your ass, he will be absolutely feral when you both wake up. He’ll turn you over so you’re facing him and start rubbing his thumb over your clit. You’ll gasp and shove your hand down his boxers, gripping his cock already dripping with precum. You’re both panting as you get the other off; his morning voice is deeper and gruff as he grunts and praises you until you cum. When he cums, he tells you to rub all of his cum back over his cock. He’ll shove his boxers fully off of his legs and put you on your back and rub his cum-covered tip over your clit teasingly, just for a moment, before pushing into your cunt, all wet and slick. He cums again, quicker than before, deep inside of you, and without pulling out he’ll flip you both over so he’s on his back and you’re on top of him. He tells you to keep grinding into him, his cock still rock hard, and to make yourself cum. This time, you’ll cum together.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)