Today's Document
Not today Justin
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One Nice Bug Per Day
Origami Around
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TVSTRANGERTHINGS
DEAR READER
Cosmic Funnies
KIROKAZE
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Game of Thrones Daily
Jules of Nature
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Product Placement
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@alwaystrue2me
I never have time to post on Instagram, sooo this is super late. Thank you to Allison (@parkhurstpatrick ) for this amazing cake! Itās covered in my favorite flower!! #sunflower #birthdaycake #happybirthday (at Matthews, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMyQy76F1wS/?igshid=exmj56hnstmu
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In this world, I feel alone. I live in a house full of people, yet no one knows me. What do I like to do for fun? I donāt know anymore. My life is not own, and my path has been covered in mud. What brought me joy only brings pain, so I lock all the pain into small boxes and release it in small increments by the tears I cry alone in my room. No one really knows me, and I honestly thinks no one wants the baggage. I just wish could fly far away, and disappear without a trace. Maybe, just maybe Iāll be free. I canāt enjoy a glass of wine because the next morning I feel incredibly sad, Iām always angry or sad, or just not happy. I miss the old me, the happy me, how do I find her again?
My 29TH birthday was on Tuesday, and Iāve been feeling depressed since Sunday because I KNOW it would be disappointing. I was hoping for one thing, one thing that always brighten my day, handwritten cards from my sister. I didnāt get them. No one in my family made a big deal out of my birthday, but thatās typical of my birthday anyway... I donāt think Iāll celebrate them anymore. Just another day...
Dear....A Letter of Forgiveness
I wrote this in April 2017, I was at what I thought was rock bottom...
Dearā¦, I forgive you. I thought that I already had, and I thought I worked through it allā¦but I was wrong. I had my recital three weeks ago, and the entire time I felt so anxious and uneasy. Itās easy to hide these fears while on opera stage because I can hide behind a character, but itās different when I have to present myselfā¦ present the person that I barely know. I forgive you.
Ā I finally told my new voice teacher, actually two, and I finally told one of them everything that Iāve been wanting to say about what happened in those two years. How much it changed meā¦and broke meā¦ I forgive you. She suggested that I write this, because at this point, this is my rock bottom, and never have I felt so much suppose and love from everyone. When I was trying to run from all the pain, it was weighing on me physically and emotionally, and I was cracking more and more dailyā¦ I forgive you.Ā
This past Sunday in church, the sermon was about forgiveness. I forgive you. Itās hard for me to write this, because I tend to repress bad memories, but this has caused me the most pain. Itās been almost a year since our last we were together, but itās been one of the most difficult times that Iāve had in a while. When I moved up here almost three years ago, I did because I trusted that you were the right choice, and that I would finally live up to my full potential. The first year was rocky, filled with changed and new techniques, but I was still holding strong, even if my confidence was taking a beating. I listened to your every word, followed your every command, and in the process I started to lose myselfā¦ I started to forget why I enjoyed singing in the first place. It became more of a chore than a passionā¦it was mechanicalā¦but it seemed to be right by your standards and of those who heard meā¦ I tried to be perfect and be the singer you wanted me to be, but I found that I was losing myself in the process and pushing my closest friends and family away, so they wouldnāt know my internal struggle. Those of us with you, laughed to hide the pain that we really felt. I just wanted to make you proud, even if it meant I wasnāt happy. Butā¦Ā I forgive you.Ā
At the end of the first year, I went against you..and auditioned for the opera because there was a role that I just KNEW I could do well. I got itā¦but you werenāt happy, and you let me know it. I recorded every lesson, even though I hated it at times because I would have to hear my tears. I forgive you. The second year was when I could no longer recognize the person that I become. Who is this girl lacking self confidence, afraid to sing in front of people, crying after every lesson, crying while practicing, pushing her voice until there was nothing leftā¦ who is this robot? Who is this alien? Who is this stranger? I forgive you.
I spent this past year trying to get through my last year as fast as possible. I wanted to leave it all behind and move on to happier times... but in the end it all caught up with me. I never healed/grieved our break up in a healthy way. Instead of healing by finding things that I liked, I instead tried to make myself super busy so I would forget about it. At first this worked perfectly fine... and then it didn't.
After a ten hour work day and three hour rehearsal afterwards, I finally able to relax and enjoy a Oreo mint milkshake from @cookout #cookout #latenight (at Charlotte, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsesyWwhkM5/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7p36ezxcgu3b
IN LOVE with my new glasses from @warbyparker !!! I am so happy thereās a store in #Charlotte, where I found the perfect pair. Say hello to Daisy! A special shoutout to @pastor2 for helping me pick these out! (at Charlotte, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bsbcsthh5rB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=bl7qyg54xlwt
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Only two days until Christmas!!! #christmas #christmastime #elfears #readyforchristmas (at Charlotte, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrvgVuzhI_u/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1nzsuifx53kg0
Hot chocolate and scary stories with the fam on a cold, and rainy autumn night. #familytime #hotchocolate #furmanalumni (at Charlotte, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqLyWrghNuY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17qknchsj8ija
Itās finally opening night and I couldnāt be more excited to open the season with this amazing opera!! #operacarolina #operasinger #opera (at Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqBb3piBaHT/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=iuupy8x9e9us
Tonight is the Orchestra dress for @operacarolina La fille du regiment! So excited to open the show on Saturday. Itās been a blast to experience my first production with Opera Carolina!! #opera #operacarolina #operasinger (at Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp5u5gAhu0O/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13g62ehyhwfrb
Iām so excited to finally be in costume for piano dress of Opera Carolinaās La fille du regiment! @operacarolina #donizetti #opera #operasinger (at Charlotte, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp2mxu9BX71/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1mp4826liq7hi
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I meant to post this last week. Thank you so much for the mug along with the car decal. I canāt wait to have so many cups of tea and hot chocolate. So proud to be a Furman alumna! @furman_alumni #furman #furmanuniversity @furmanuniversity #latergram (at Charlotte, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp0441lhe1g/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=4b7fs86l3109
I took spontaneous trip to āthe Burgā to surprise this guy on his birthday š I love you Dusty :)))) Happy Birthday! https://www.instagram.com/p/BpdKCvUhj0l/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1u38zezm3t3x0
Happy Saturday :) #selfiesaturday #flowerchild #melaninpoppin (at Charlotte, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoCmLKrDZcp/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=86smb0h8iz8w
New hairstyle! #readyforfall #goddesslocks (at Charlotte, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnuiDQTBHgw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9db23cig1veu
Shoutout to @Jess Palmisano for this fabulous snap of my feature in the Illinois brochure for the third year in a row. #illinoisfamous #theyloveme #vivaverdi #lyrictheatreil https://www.instagram.com/p/BncHcZTjH4V/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=wlc7gi0nooh2
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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@sprouts is my new favorite place to shop and I even got this AWESOME sticker! āYouāre kale-ing me smallsā (at Charlotte, North Carolina)
Some Ferris wheel fun! #sistersisterš (at Concord Mills)