it’s always been you and me

Because like. I was going through my gif folder looking for Sam and Dean looking at each other (for Wincest reasons, naturally), and I just. I accidentally realized something that made me really emotional?

First: I have a lot of gifs of Dean looking at his brother in ways that no one should be looking at their brother.

Second: that last gif, especially, is the embodiment of unrequited Wincest. Look me in the eyes and tell me that Dean’s face doesn’t say “you could shatter my heart and ruin me and tear my very existence to shreds, and I would still thank you for it and continue to worship the ground you walk on.”

It’s just. There are so many scenes like this, where you’ve got Dean giving Sam these looks that are so fucking emotional, so full of love and need and adoration and pure, unfiltered longing. 

Just. Just think about Dean spending all his years growing up trying so damn hard not to fall in love with Sam. But then every time he looks at him, every time Sam smiles or laughs or says his name, he realizes all over again how fucked he is. How could anyone not be in love with Sam?

Every time Sam looks away, maybe Dean gives himself that little moment of indulgence. Of “God, I love him so much.” Of letting those emotions show on his face, completely raw. Because what Sam doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?

this gif of dean after he asks “why do people always assume we’re gay?” and sam brushes him off with a joke (from playthings):

and this gif of dean looking at sam right after sam asks him if meeting someone special (cassie) ever makes him want to give up their lifestyle to settle down:

and finally this gif if dean begging his baby brother to hang out with him like a puppy begs for treats:

All these years. This whole damn time.

Picture it: teenage Sam confessing his love to Dean. Dean admitting, in a hushed moment pressed together and breathing each others air, that he feels the same. They talk about what-ifs: What if we got together? What if we took that step? But they decide the risk is too high. It's too dangerous. John would kill them and they have no one else to turn to. They decide to try and ignore the feelings and hope they go away.

Sam ends up leaving for college because he can't handle being close to Dean yet not in the way he wants. Dean and Sam both try to fall in love with other people but they can't stay away from each other and soon they are back together.

After a while, they just get used to it. They make up for the fact that they can't have each other by being irrationally erotically psychotically codependent on each other. The line between brother and lover blurs until it becomes an ocean of gradient and there is no single point separating the two concepts.

They both pine for the other and they know it. They intentionally hold back, never taking that final step. Knowing they love the other person in all the wrong ways, and knowing their feelings are returned, yet never acting on those feelings. There is no question "Does he love me that way?" Because they both know the answer is "Yes. But that doesnt change anything. I still can't have him."

Stackednatural- 218/327

The First of Many (Sam/Dean)

tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.