If we want the happy ending, we can't give up.

but sometimes, you see a little girl doing her makeup for twelve thousand instagram followers. she’s nine. sometimes you see a man breaking up with his girlfriend for youtube likes. sometimes you are standing in a room and are in the background of fifty snapchat stories but in nobody’s actual lives. 

it’s mostly okay. but so many of us grew up in a time where they basically ignored the internet while teaching us cursive in school. digital literacy was “don’t look at wikipedia”. none of us knew what the next generation was being set up to. we taught ourselves our own rules. many of us, it didn’t come soon.

it’s mostly okay. but the other day, i asked my freshman students: if you could, would you go back in time and take the internet away from yourself in middle school? if so, when do you think is the right time to be exposed to social media?

over and over: yes. yes. yes. i’d go back and never look up those skinny tips. i’d never spend so many weekends in the dark in communities that encouraged me to self-harm. i’d never lose my brother to radicals. i’d never, i’d never, i’d never again.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

mother : are you all right? me :