people criticize Adora for not realizing the Horde // Shadow Weaver was evil and abusive, even after SW threatened Catra's life in front of her. ignoring the fact that there is a double standard ( y'know which one ), here's the thing:
Zuko acknowledged that he was burned by Ozai. but he was still within the cycle of abuse and didn't know it at the time.
victims are not oblivious // unknowing of every single thing. in fact, a lot of them know what their abuser is doing, even if they try to reason with it in a roundabout way ( such as, "my parent hit me because i was misbehaving" ).
and, besides, it is not at all possible for Adora to blame Catra for what happened. it's much more likely that she blamed herself, because Shadow Weaver didn't just threaten Catra, but essentially told Adora that it was her fault, because she 'has to keep her under control'.
we see no resentment from Adora about the situation. she just continues trying to comfort and protect Catra, while not at all thinking or catering to her own fears ( the fear that a death, Catra's death, would be on her hands ). there's not even a little room of blame because Adora automatically tried to play mediator without hesitation and tried to reason with her mother.
Rapunzel can be upset with Mother Gothel and not realized she's being abused.
Zuko can be upset with Ozai and not realized he's being abused.
Azula can be upset with Ozai and not realized she's being abused.
Amity can be upset with Odalia and not realized she's being abused.
Hunter can be upset with Belos and not realized he's being abused.
Jinx can be upset with Silco and not realized she's being abused.
victims can have a standard and not realized they're being abused.
abuse is not linear, especially when you love your abuser and hold them in higher regard than yourself.
Adora is allowed, more than allowed, to be upset with Shadow Weaver and be unaware that her and Catra were victims of abuse. because it is almost always difficult to see through tinted glass.
you need outside experience.
you need community.
you need support.
you need acknowledgement.
you need people to acknowledge your pain.
you need people to acknowledge your fears.
you need people to acknowledge your faults.
you need people to acknowledge your strengths.
you need people to acknowledge your heart.
you need people to acknowledge you as a person.
of course, i'm not saying that your recovery will be an easy breeze, even with all of that. but it will be far easier than if you do it alone.
people aren't all-knowing. in fact, there is still so much we don't know about others and ourselves.
to hold Adora to a higher standard than we can attain ourselves, while coddling and babying Catra instead, is unfair and anyone who does it should be ashamed of themselves.
if you are a victim, it's not your fault.
it just isn't.
