Hello! This is my FFXIV side blog. I reblog FFXIV things here. I also post about all my FFXIV characters, but most will be about Altani Highwind (WoL version).
I am up for RP, but I don't usually ask because I am shy. If you would like to inquire for RP with any of my characters, feel free to message me. I am always up for just chatting as well! However, I am 30+. I don't feel comfortable interacting with anyone under 18.
I enjoy writing and plotting out things. I typically RP with non-WoL characters. If you have an alternate setting/Universe/canon in mind, please let me know. I am willing to talk about any ideas you might have. I usually write over Discord or Google Docs, but I am willing to use something else if needed.
Characters under the cut:
Altani Highwind is an ex-pirate, a mercenary adventurer, and a carpenter. She is an xaela au ra female. She swears, enjoys bawdy jokes, and generally is not lady-like. She has a cottage in Limsa, but spends a lot of her time in Ishgard when not traveling.
As for hobbies, she enjoys a night out at the tavern, making furniture, sparring, and reading trashy novels. She doesn't talk about the novels to anyone unless they admit to reading them first. She likes to spend time out of doors swimming, gardening, or hiking. The offer of a good sparring session is always appreciated.
She typically doesn't enjoy fancy parties, but she has come to enjoy dancing. She likes the look of pretty clothes, but hates actually wearing them unless they are comfortable.
She is of the Borlaaq tribe from the Azim Steppe, but is estranged from most of her family.
She is generally very friendly, but doesn't like pretentious nobles, those who think xaela are savages, or being treated like she is an idiot. Her hackles raise whenever she is called short or stupid. Loyal to her friends, she will also fight on their behalf if they are insulted.
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Julixsoix "Jules" de Fain - A young duskwight dragoon from a branch family of the Dzemaels, Jules is a fourth son. The heir, his eldest brother Jonsoix de Fain, is the golden child. Perfect in every way that matters, the pride of their house, and the only one who will inherit the title. Jules is stuck trying to prove his worth to his father through the family business: spying. The Lords of house de Fain have been the Spymasters for the Dzemaels for generations, and it is he who holds the secrets who has the power.
Jules is a charming, manipulative liar, who isn't afraid to do what he must to get the information he needs. As he navigates Ishgardian politics and the dragoon barracks, there are few who truly know him. He believes that everyone is waiting to stab each other in the back for a scrap of power. More than anything else, Jules would love to escape his fate and the family that has never seen him as anything but a spare son.
He is secretly an artist who draws primarily in charcoals. He is always nice, but usually not kind. His loyalty is not easily earned.
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Sizha'to, second son of clan Nelha - coming soon
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Bayarma Borlaaq - is an elder sister of Altani Highwind, along with Chimeg and Sarnei. She is three years older than Altani, and the only sibling Altani routinely wrote to while traveling. She is an xaela au ra female who has just left the Steppe. She speaks Xaelan and Doman very well, but is still learning Eorzean.
She is traveling through Eorzea as a nomad. Rather than using her martial skills, she would run from a fight unless startled or pressed into it. Bayarma has suffered from the violence prevalent on the Steppe and prefers a quiet existence.
Before leaving home, her chores among the tribe were child-rearing and cooking. Sometimes she misses teaching the young ones.
Gentle and kind, she yearns to see more of the world and find a place where she can belong.
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I feel like anything but a full Zenos return is really out-of-character poor writing on the writers part, and I’m not even a huge Zenos fan. Like it’s not copium just using my eyes and reading what has been given to us as players.
The amount of set up for Zenos to return again, not as our rival but as an ally (maybe atleast to WoL), honestly makes me put no stock into even thinking of him not coming back. Like to not follow through on three (3) (at minimum!!) expansions repeatedly showing us this depth to his character as not just a villain but a similar adventurer archetype as us, to give us repeated twisted parallels of our notoriety (see WoL being awed by Eorzeans - Zenos being awed by Garleans, both renowned for achievements and prowess), to build up how he too is experiencing an odd past soup fusion in some capacity (echo - whatever is going on with Zenos’ visions), and then to mount it with him coming to a realization of how his mirror (us) deal with our similar drive in a way that is fulfilling because it is impactful would be so disappointing and honestly jarring. It also follows the general pattern of their writing to build up an “evil” character until they can provide a fulfilling “redemption” (Emet the obvious one, but also Gaius, Ysayle/all the dravanians, Yotsuyu, Ilberd, Hermes/Fandaniel AND Asahi, Lahabrea, Jullus, etc etc etc). The only fulfilling redemption with the way Zenos has been built is him discovering a cause that brings meaning to the longing he and us share, which very well could end in him sacrificing himself for it but regardless it does have to be there.
Not to mention the sheer merchandizing of him. Respectfully to the teams general fan service, they don’t produce merch (or THAT AMOUNT) for characters who are just beloved but no longer story relevant + the amount of art featuring him for seemingly no reason. It’s giving a Zuko level of prep in which they foresee fans wanting to look back at “evil pre redemption” Zenos in angst nostalgia while knowing he will go on to be main cast.
But who knows? Maybe the next expansion will be buns and it all was just a final cash grab to get money from Zenos fans before they remove him for good! I personally see that as wildly unlikely for the team but you never know!
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I often see some really fun speculation about Zenos and Varis and the Galvus family and why their relationship became as shit as we see it in canon, but most of the time I think something people miss is that Varis was around 20ish when Zenos was born and he was a career soldier. We are told Varis was a brilliant strategist and from what we see in game he must have been a hella fine fighter when he was more active, but he was also very much defined by being a member of the Garlean military (contrasted with his uncle Titus who has always been framed as more of a pure politician).
We don't know what rank he was at any given time in his life, but considering how dismissive Solus was of him in general (probably as a result of comparing Varis to his late father Lucius, who was Solus' favorite son) and that the other Legati all seem to be on the older side (Gaius and Valens are both 56, Quintus, Vergilia and Basch should be in the same age range based on context clues and while the Nael we meet in game is younger at 38, she is explicitly pretending to be her older brother who was the actual Legatus — Zenos at 26 is an extreme outlier) I think it's reasonable to say that for many of Zenos' formative years Varis was probably trapped somewhere on the military ladder, even if he started at a higher initial rank due to being a member of the royal family.
So I think the root of the distant, cold relationship between Varis and Zenos is pretty clear: Varis was not there for Zenos growing up at all, because he was busy following his Legatus around, trying to impress his way into a promotion. His was likely an arranged marriage to begin with and producing an heir more an expectation than something he personally wanted, but even if he wanted to step up and be a good father to Zenos after his wife died... I'm not sure he had much of an opportunity to do so, honestly. Not without giving up his military and political ambitions and completely conceding any power and influence he had in the royal family. Definitely not when he was still at best a Tribunus, but probably not even when he was a proper Legatus (anybody remember how pissed Varis was when Gaius ignored the order to come the fuck home and help stabilize the empire and ran off to conquer Eorzea because that's what Solus would have wanted instead?). A Legatus holds responsibility for their legion, appears to be always stationed with their legion rather than commanding them remotely and they follow the orders of the emperor. We know that Varis had been stationed in some pretty remote places (Nangxia and Corvos were mentioned directly and it makes perfect sense that Solus would want to send Varis as far away as he could, if only so he wasn't around to remind Solus how much more inferior he was compared to Lucius) and I somehow can't imagine him having much of a direct influence on how Zenos was brought up from a continent away.
There was the incident with the Corvosi sword tutor abusing Zenos, but I honestly can't imagine Varis deliberately installing a tutor who he expected to endanger his son's life. He only had the one heir, losing Zenos would have been a big blow to his ambitions to the throne, so that entire incident was likely one giant oversight that came to bite him in the ass in short order.
The way I imagine that whole scenario went was something like... okay, imagine you have a son somewhere back in the homeland you only see a handful of times a year and otherwise only know about from the reports of the servants and his tutors. He's a really smart kid, but something of a problem child, completely unable to connect with his peers at all, so you likely stopped forcing him to interact with other kids of his age group/class because having your kid creep out (or possibly even hurt) the kids of your political allies is a very fast way to lose those political allies. His studies are progressing well, all things considered, but he also keeps going through tutors at an alarming rate (understandable for a neglected child, but that's probably not what Varis thought of when he received note of the nth tutor resigning in the span of as many months) and the acceptable pool of tutors is not infinite so you very much want him to stop. So, you send a warning: if Zenos keeps scaring off the regular tutors, he will get one he won't enjoy tormenting. Dangle some reward in front of the Corvosi swordsman so he has reason to take his tutoring role seriously, knowing full well that his resentment will seep through no matter what and make his teaching harsh and likely unpleasant, then wait for Zenos to regret this change in tutors. After Zenos was sufficiently cowed by the bad tutor, dismiss the Corvosi, rehire a regular one and hope that Zenos has learned his lesson, he should be smart enough for that.
Not a complicated plan, but it backfired spectacularly because Varis doesn't know Zenos on a personal level whatsoever. At the time of the incident Zenos was 14 and Varis still only showed up briefly and it's implied that he left almost immediately afterwards, so the most likely explanation is that he was in Garlemald to report in or accept new orders before he traveled back to his Legion stationed fuck-knows-where. Assuming he started spending more time in Garlemald after he became Legatus Augustus (being the High Legatus in command of the entire Garlean Military), he must have been in his late 30s at that point and Zenos was old enough that he left for whatever military training or academy they sent terrifying young men from a noble background to be bullied into being useful soldiers of the Garlean military, so their interactions would still have been minimal.
Most of their direct interactions likely happened when Zenos was already an adult, between a general and his superior commander, then between a prince and his emperor. They are only family by blood, completely passing each other by in life and they only know of each other whatever they have gathered second hand or projected onto the other and I think that's both fascinating and deeply tragic.
This is such a good write-up of this relationship, and it’s also critical context for Zenos’s relationship with the WoL.
Of course Zenos becomes fixated on a career adventurer and soldier. He spends nearly two entire expansions longing for their return and attention, while the WoL is too occupied to pay him any heed. That’s the only significant relationship dynamic Zenos has ever known.
Zenos is desperate to eliminate the distance between them. He goes so far as to implant his soul in their body inside the Tower of Babil, biblically the structure that traverses the distance between heaven and earth (foreshadowing his final, successful attempt to reach them). Inside his absent father’s tomb he finally closes the gap, though only physically. He’s still helpless to address or even to recognize the distance that actually pains him, which is emotional.
I also think this is why eating becomes a motif for him, beginning with that famous line in Stormblood, "It fills you even now, doesn't it? The hunger. To bite down on my jugular, to feel the warmth fill your mouth and run over even as you drink deep." The WoL wakes up at a dining table inside the Tower of Babil to see Zenos eating on the opposite side. Zenos eats the remains of the Mothercrystal to reach them. He's been starved of connection since childhood, and when he gets a glimmer of it with the WoL, becomes aware of his hunger, but again, can only address it or reference it in physical terms.
All to say, Zenos's relationship with the WoL echoes his relationship with his father in a central way, and makes the conclusion (?… If Endwalker was the conclusion…) of their relationship very bittersweet.
the cast time for a phoenix down is so funny actually. the wol is frantically digging through their pack for that stupid feather they KNOW is at the bottom somewhere
Altani was lying on the floor, her tail swishing from side to side. Her chin was propped up by a pillow while her book rested in front of her. Each crinkle of a turned page held her focused attention. The cover read 'The Miqo'te Duke's Bride'.
She was ignoring Zenos, but his patience for the silence had run out. "You have returned for yet another day, and yet the activity could be done anywhere else. Why do you keep coming back here?" he asked. "I would think that our match yesterday was to your liking, but here we are, sitting in this hovel, not on our way to the training field. Does it finally bore you?"
She looked over at him. He was on the floor with her, lying on his back and staring at her. He had finished his book ages ago, but instead of picking up another one, he chose to do nothing except sulk. Zenos would engage in activities like reading sometimes, but she knew he would rather be sparring. She limited their weekly sessions to fists only. Even without weapons, it was still a dangerous thing to do. If any of the scions noticed her bruises, they said nothing. Zenos was still sporting a ring of purple around his neck shaped like her hands. It was due to that bruise that she was trying to ignore him with novels.
Altani turned the page. It was entirely her fault. Yesterday, she'd managed to sweep his legs and tackle him to the ground. They had been at it too long. Normally, she would have ended the spar sooner, but it had such rhythm to it. Her normal opponents never lasted so long, never gave her a challenge. It was what drew her to him in the first place. Why give up now when his defeat was so near? Each blow increased the high. They were exhausted, and yet they both continued on, trading calculated tactics for pure intuition. A hit for a parry, over and over again until she felt the opening. A normal person would not have seen the tilt to his balance, but she stepped forward and slammed her shoulders into his chest with all of her might.
They fell onto the ground so hard that the dust billowed up around them. Her hands wrapped around his neck on instinct and locked her legs around him. He must not escape. She must win. Her clan would have called it battle fever, but the scions called it going berserk. It was glorious. It was dangerous. It made her a monster and the savior of Eorzea.
Then he looked up at her with an expression she could only describe as ecstasy. His beautiful blue eyes looked at her with such devotion, his hands holding hers around his neck. As he struggled to breathe, he didn't try to loosen her grip. Zenos sat up and leaned in as she was sitting in his lap, trying to kill him. It was horrifically intimate, a mockery of closeness. He was her equal, and he would do anything to have her, including let her kill him. It was everything she'd ever wanted.
Her eyes widened and she loosened her grip on his neck. His hands clutched hers, keeping them close. His manic smile beamed up at her.
"It takes so much of you to restrain your fervor when there is no need," he said. "I welcome oblivion each time it is at your hands. The only disappointment is that I can't grant you the same pleasure."
She leaned in closer, her eyes falling towards those lips. Altani swallowed, and shoved him back. "You talk too much," she said.
---
There was no use ruminating on what she felt. From his question, she knew that he didn't understand why she was choosing to read instead of fight him again. He didn't realize what he'd done, or why she was choosing to keep her distance. He didn't know why she couldn't stay away.
"I'm not bored because I beat you again," she replied bluntly. "I'm reading this book because I want to read. We will fight again, but not today. I need a moment." She laid her face down on her book, sighing into the pages. "I love fighting, but I don't want to watch you die again."
It was quiet for a long moment. Turning her head to face him, she saw that he was watching her. Still laying on his back, he slowly outstretched his arm to her.
Perhaps he did understand more than he let on. She was reminded of that final time at the quiet edge of space. Before, she couldn't reach him. Things were different now. She took his hand.
Zenos let her fingers intertwine with his. "To fight you is bliss, and I have never wanted anything else. To bring all to bear against you is the greatest pleasure I have known. Acting only for my desires did not lead you to battle, but offering aid brought you to my side. If the cost of this pleasure is to live for you, then live I must."
Altani's cheeks flushed. She yanked back her hand and started flipping pages in her book. "Good. We can try fighting again next week."
Waiting another week for a spar would be the height of tedium, but at least she was no longer denying her nature. Still, there was something that she was hiding from him. Her words and actions said that there was additional reason she kept herself from him, and it had nothing to do with his supposed dying. Zenos eyed the book she was reading. Perhaps the answers he sought were close at hand.
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"It baffles the mind that you keep coming here only to waste your time making furniture as if you were less. You deny your true nature and squander energy to whittle."
Altani knew that Zenos was goading her. This was the weekly ritual. He was alive. He was sitting on a chair she'd made and complaining about it. This once empty room in a small building near the Last Dregs had become his dwelling. It was still derelict in her opinion, but she had begun to turn it around. The building was stable with a little help from some other denizens. Once that was finished, she had started making furniture for the pouting prince.
It was more for her than for him. She wouldn't have housed a dog in the ruins before. When she learned that he was staying in this empty house, lying on the floor in the dust, she immediately began to rectify the situation. The seats in the Last Dregs were fine for a short café visit, but she was spending more time here. It made sense to have a place that she could rest. Zenos might not care about his lodgings, but she wasn't going to sit around in the dark like some sort of wretched animal. Before she had devoted her time to the scions, she was a carpenter. It was always nice to return to her roots.
Unlike her work in the firmament, all the furniture she'd made for this house was in the Steppe style. Low beds and tables, dozens of rugs and pillows. The bookshelf she'd made was more western in structure, but the carvings on it were from her tribe, the Borlaaq. She had always considered him Xaela at heart. Seeing him among the trappings of her people suited him despite his grumblings. It gave her something to listen to while she worked. There was a pile of wood blocks on the table, next to a knife that had been staked in the center. After this stool, she planned to make something more artistic, like a trinket box. Not that Zenos would ever have any trinkets to put in such a thing, she thought. Still, a house was not a home without a few knick-knacks.
"Move to the floor if you truly hate comfort so much," she replied, not looking up from the leg of the stool she was whittling, as he called it. "Misery for the sake of misery is a waste of time. You only think it is less because it is not something you have ever had to do," she said. "Garleans are soft and spoiled, and you are no exception."
Her mother would have scolded her for keeping a pet. She smiled. Keeping a baras indoors would have been less dangerous than what she was doing now.
Zenos studied her, but she was unruffled by the length and depth of his gaze. She was never unnerved by him. A puzzle that still fascinated, despite the hours already poured into it. She was often annoyed or enraged, but there was no tension. He'd thrown a knife at her last week, but she caught in her hand and stabbed it into the table. Then she had yelled at him for making her ruin the table. The knife was still there. She had still returned for another visit.
"There is nothing about me that is soft," he said.
Curious. She hesitated with her carving. Her face made an interesting expression as her eyes darted to look at him before becoming intensely focused on her work, refusing to rest her eyes on him a moment longer.
"Spoiled then. You and I had opposite upbringings," she muttered. "No one cared whether you lived or died, but gave you everything. My family and my tribe loved me, but I was given nothing. Everything I had to make for myself. My apprenticeship began at eight, and by fourteen I was making furniture for the tribe to sell."
That was true. His belongings had mattered little to him and it brought no joy, but there was an endless supply of anything he might need. As for her, he hadn't given it much thought before.
Who was she before they'd met?
When they had clashed at Rhalgar's Reach, he knew little of her other than the murmurings of soldiers. Heroes were nothing to him. He'd ended hundreds of so-called heroes in battles. None lingered in his mind. But her...
He remembered the day clearly. Her eyes blazed blue with a pink glow and her dark purple skin was glazed with sweat. Her lips were pulled back to show off sharp white teeth. That day he had felt something in his chest as she swung up her axe to clash against his sword. The surrounding battle slowed to a crawl. Even as her might faltered, he felt a spark of something, and he could not kill a creature such as she. There was a ferocity that he knew would only grow. In time, she would become more magnificent. To cut her down would be folly.
The circumstances leading up to her creation hardly mattered then. It was the future battle that he cared about.
He watched her as she continued her work. Her hands that masterfully held the axe also held the carving knife. She had an entire life before him, one that contained time for whittling. He had devoted every moment of his life to the hunt, and yet he still came up short compared to her. It was doubtful that mirroring her activities would make him a better warrior, but the annoying elezen girl's words came back to him. If he only pursued his pleasures, he would never get what he wanted from Altani. Woodworking was important to her for some godsforsaken reason.
Zenos reached over to the table and pulled out the knife. He took a small piece of wood from the pile and sat down on the floor in front of her. Altani looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.
"Come then, show me this pastime that takes you away from your purpose," he said. "What was the first thing your master showed you to make?"
She smiled at him and put down the stool. "Wooden pegs, but I already have enough of those. How about we start with spoons?" She pulled out a pencil from her tool bag and began to explain the process, sketching out the shape on his wood block. She pulled another block for herself to make as well.
He still felt that carving was a waste of time when they could be sparring, but somehow as he held his rough spoon against her perfect one, it didn't seem quite so pointless.
