Alpin the Floof

are there some general indicators that can help to distinguish between a person who is recovering from abuse and lashes out during the healing process and someone who behaves abusively?

I am not someone that subscribes to the idea of a "perfect victim" or that victims of abuse will definitely become abusers themselves, but at the same time I think some abusive people can prey on our empathy and use it against us. I'm not that good at spotting abusive behavior unless it gets very bad. I have some people in my life that went through horrible stuff and I feel that they take some feelings out on me because they know I won't hurt them? Similar how someone who needs care lashes out at their caretaker I guess? I talked to them about it and sometimes it gets better, but then it gets worse again. I assume that each recovering process is different and some people may fall back before making progress again, but is there maybe some general indicators to look out for and keep in mind to see if someone wents through a hard time and someone who becomes abusive?

are there some general indicators that can help to distinguish between a person who is recovering from abuse and lashes out during the healing process and someone who behaves abusively?

There is no immediate tell, you have to observe them for a while. And even then you can't be 100% certain. But consistency is the key thing.

Lashing out because of trauma or feeling threatened is impulsive, chaotic and random. An abusive person is targeted and consistent in their abuse. You can, over time, recognize a pattern.

But the thing that really tells the difference is that an abusive person takes catharsis or pleasure from hurting or bullying others. A victim lashing out does not. It might be a pressure release, but it isn't going to be something they're actively seeking out. Most of the time a victim is lashing out to make you stop doing something.

I think some abusive people can prey on our empathy and use it against us.

Empathy is not an innate trait, it's a learned skill. It's not something that can be preyed on. Empathy doesn't mean you lay down and become a doormat because someone's going through some shit, that's just what doormats do.

I'm not that good at spotting abusive behavior unless it gets very bad.

Nobody is. Anyone who suggests you can spot abusive tendencies before abuse happens is a liar. Hypervigilance isn't a skill, it's paranoia made manifest. You can't predict how people are going to act because any "red flag" of abusive tendencies can also just be nothing.

Even the idea of punching the wall as a red flag for abuse is a flawed concept, because it suggests that people who aren't abusive inherently value drywall on the same level they value their partner, which is absurd. Drywall is easily repaired and cheap to replace, that's why people punch it. And taking your anger out on an object that can't be truly harmed IS an anger management strategy.

Don't sweat being unable to predict the future. Nobody can.

I have some people in my life that went through horrible stuff and I feel that they take some feelings out on me because they know I won't hurt them?

You can bark at someone when they're out of line and not destroy the friendship in the process. Hearing "Hey! Don't take this out on me!" can be quite disarming. They'll be pissy, but they'll get over it.

We're volatile and on edge a lot, but we're not made of glass.

I talked to them about it and sometimes it gets better, but then it gets worse again.

Then you talk about it again. A common thing people do when they don't really care all that much is they'll correct the behavior for long enough for you to stop being mad about it, then they put it out of their mind and go back to their "normal."

A lot of people do this, it doesn't mean they're abusive. Once the problem is behind them, they stop thinking about it, and habit and muscle memory creep back in.

/ban user:1153984868804468756

to get rid of it.

if you're interested in the Colorful support post i made regarding this, its under the cut. i'm livid.

Discord bots you need to ban

1104973139257081909

1288638725869535283

1090660574196674713

1104973139257081909

they're hiding domo ai from the member list

NO, they are NOT "hidden members", there is no such thing as that. these are plugin apps, the thing wayyyy in the right corner of the message box on desktop are plugin apps, and they are available regardless of where you are in discord (besides servers that feature is disabled in). plugin apps basically work like bots but discord-wide, and they show up in the App Directory

but, unless you call the bot, the bot cannot see shit

additionally, you can ban bots and users that have never even touched your server. it will give a success message every time.

but just for some reassurance, let's look at the bots banned by these strings of numbers:

(there's only four, by the way, two of them in that list are repeats)

have you noticed something in 3 out of the 4 screenshots here?

THEY'RE OFFLINE. (besides viggle which does have an active app)

three out of the four bots you are banning from these commands are already offline!!

additionally: if discord was PERSONALLY implementing AI features, THEY WOULD BE SHOUTING IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!! as all big tech companies do!!!!

sure, if you want the reassurance that these bots will never ever be called in your server, you're completely free to ban them just for peace of mind!! and it is kinda shitty that discord allows generative ai on their platform!!

but of course discord's not asking your permission to put a bot on the platform, if you had to ask permission of everyone on discord to just make a bot there would be no bots. utter nonsense. don't fearmonger about this stuff for the love of god

did this on the plane :)

Apparently you can do a saliva test kit at home:

I've noticed that their burner accounts all use word association as some way to manufacture credibility.

"We found CD's alt account!" they say, pointing to "NivaValithriaMadhouse" which was made approximately two weeks ago.

They name their CD Larp accounts the way JK Rowling names minorities: "Meet my new Chinese character, Tia Namin, Esq!"

It's a good thing they haven't found my actual alt account, Tulip Farmland.

this shows up when transfems make posts for and about other transfems, and invariably transmascs will come along to try and make it about them as well. they dont see it as a womens post, they see it as a Trans post that hasnt mentioned transmascs yet

this also shows up in discussions of transmisogyny. transfems discuss the intersectional bigotry we face and transmascs will get defensive that the conversation centres us and not the Trans Demographic as a whole. this is where "transandrophobia" theory comes in, from transmascs misconstruing transmisogyny as just "transphobia for girls" and insisting there must be a transphobia for boys in return, and to deny "transandrophobia" legitimacy is to deny that transmascs face any transphobia. its morphed into its own transmisogynist violence at this point but its inception was very clearly fueled by the transmasc insecurity over there not being one Trans Experience. transmascs think there has to be a blue version, because they dont conceive of transfems belonging to a different demographic than them

i think no small part of this is that transmasculine transition doesnt force them to reckon with transmisogyny the same way transfeminine transition does. of course, it would be wrong to claim no transfem falls victim to this, but far more transfems do have that reckoning because we are forcibly subjected to transmisogyny. and because transmascs flatten the demographic to just Trans, they believe themselves to have a postion of authority to speak on trans issues without ever being forced to interrogate their inherent transmisogynist biases from living in a transmisogynist society and understand the misogyny within the demographic, and any pushback against them is pushback against the Trans Demographic as a whole

- ei

- melk en/of lactose

- soja

- glutenbevattende granen of specifiek tarwe

- pinda's

- noten

- schaal- en/of weekdieren

- selderij, mosterd of sesam

- lupine

- ik heb een van deze en vindt het de lastigste

- ik heb een van deze maar een andere lijkt mij lastiger

*zodanig dat je eten dat dit bevat absoluut mijdt