LanaAndMonkeys

Arctic Monkeys’ AM openings:

tlsp fandom:

The Band

Alex Turner

singer, songwriter, guitarist

deceptively tiny - a beAN in fact

many different hair eras - pick your favourite and defend it with your life

a lyrical genius but unable to string a normal sentence together in everyday conversation (that rock ‘n’ roll, eh?)

used to go out with Alexa Chung, they were beautiful and looked like a renaissance painting when they kissed and everyone cried when they broke up

dances like a drunk uncle at a family barbeque but no one will stop him? someone pleasesave him from his own hubris

Matt Helders

drummer, aka the agile beast, aka matthew j helders iii

strong and friendly

FALSETTO

a beautiful and funny man

is engaged to the girl (Breana) in the suck it and see video, a fact thay makes me die of of laughter everytime i think about it. recently announced that soon they shall be parents

Kayne once said he was almost as good as Phil Collins, Matt probably cried when he heard

Jamie Cook

guitarist

he has the strongest accent of them all it’s glorious

“”jameh””

hates twinnings tea

married to the wonderful katie, also soon to be a father

the babies first word will probably be “eh”

Nick O’ Malley

bassist

an unproblematic cinnamon roll?

Yellamo Salohcin

Has a beautiful baby boy named Hearst, the first tru Dad of the band

only joined after the first album was out for four months, replacing andy nicholson, learned the entire repetoire in two days

they’ve all been friends since they were tiny so there’s never any drama or fights or anything, it’s all good vibes and happy times? a good bunch of people

The Albums

Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not

sort of a concept album except not really, deals with themes of growing up and going out in the north of england

“oh well they might wear classic reeboks/or knackered converse/or tracky bottoms tucked in socks”

a massive massive success, fastest selling album in british chart history etc etc

makes u all nostalgic for the good times u never experienced u kno

Favourite Worst Nightmare

sounds harder and louder sort of

a lot of ppls fave album? i can see why its very very good

went straight to mumber 1, won awards etc etc

srsly its so good

LETS’AVEAGAMEONTHETEDDYPICKERNOTQUICKENOUGHCANI’AVEITQUICKERALREADYTHICKANDYERGETTIN’THICKER

Humbug

my favourite album

some o’ that ‘umbug music, that full moon music eh?

lyrically out of this world, above and beyond anything else ive ever heard

produced by josh homme, divided fans over their new sound

dance little liar?? secret door?? pretty visitors?? crying lightning?? what a good glorious album??

the best hair era imho

atmospheric and dreamy like alexs voice is so? but still really exciting, lots of good sing-along songs too. but dark and broody u kno

Suck It And See

a really distinct sweet jangly guitar sound, summery and bright

ok theres this video of alex doing suck it and see and he wont shut up about dandelion and burdock and like. this is Peak Alex he has never looked this good before or since its a vision of beauty

then they all started wearing leather and riding bikes and alex got a quiff

matt sings lead vocals on ‘brick by brick’

also no, ‘suck it and see’ doesnt mean what you’re thinking, it’s an english phrase that means ‘try it and find out’

AM

the album that got me into the arctic monkeys

made them the global sucess they are today, but also like. divided fans once more bc suddenly am were popular and that always shakes things up

[[quiff and leather intensifies]]

i still unironically love it i listen to it like once a week

the last song is actually a john cooper clarke poem al reworked

alas al has now lost the quiff and is now growing some sort of gel monstrosity on his scalp, also he refuses to shave, maybe his new girlfriend taylor can help

Other Projects

Miles Kane + The Last Shadow Puppets

on the FWN tour the monkeys were supported by a band called The Rascals, fronted by one Mr. Miles Kane, a beautiful and talented turtle from liverpool

Miles and Alex immediatley fell in love became best friends and started writing songs together

in 2008, in between FWN and Humbug, they released an album called The Age Of The Understatement under the name of The Last Shadow Puppets

wikipedia describes it as ‘baroque’ and i really cant fault that

its big and loud and glourious and beautiful and it sounds like a western or a thriller or some other massive vista spanning soundtrack

its honestly the best thing either of them have ever done

Al and Mi keep doing things that make us think there’ll be another one, in the last few weeks the rumour mill has been especially busy

Also you should definitley listen to Miles’ own albums, Colour of the Trap and Don’t Forget Who You Are, as Miles is beautiful and stylish and one of my favourite people and an astoundingly talented musician and both Noel and Paul Weller guest star on his albums

oh yeah and alex bought him and miles matching turtlenecks for christmas

a handy and useful masterpost of Alex and Miles interactions

Alex and Miles are also. Uh. Look one time NME gave them the “Pete‘n’Carl” award.

i mean look at this

Submarine Soundtrack

Richard Ayoade is an old friend of the band and asked Al to do the soundtrack to his film, Submarine, so Alex did and its beautiful

it sounds like stars and dreams and midnight and fireworks

i cry almost every single time i listen to it

More Fun Arctic Monkeys Facts

the NME is obsessed with them they had an entire issue dedicated to AM when it came out

oh yeah the band also has like a secret “”alter ego”” called The Death Ramps which is like? a fake biker gang that alex made up so they could release stuff pseudonymously. also miles kane is a member and alex made them all matching death ramps rings and he and miles never take theirs off

this is a very useful masterpost and has more accurate info

and this cover compilation is also very nice indeed

jamie cook used to work as a tiler even when he was still in the band

matt is also a dj he’s very very cool like that

matt’s tour diaries are essential viewing

oh yeah and alex’s short story A Choice of Three which is really good

al contibuted to the Mini Mansions song Vertigo and it’s awful but his verse is weirdly mesmerising. but the rest of it is really bad, als part is from 1:29 to 2:15 so u can ignore the rest

witty

& everything pretty

these were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect music duo

but professor utonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concussion

chemical gay

and from this the last shadow puppets were born using their ultra gay powers…

alex!

miles!

Aries:  small angel

Taurus: scene phase

Gemini:  humbug

Cancer: very messy quiff

Leo: last shadow puppets

Virgo: neat quiff

Libra: semi messy quiff

Scorpio: wet hair

Sagittarius: beanie

Capricorn: dracula

Aquarius: messy dracula

Pisces: this hat

Now I know jealousy I caught you talking to the real me Can’t tell you how unhappy that shit makes me If you hear him calling promise you’ll ignore him

He’s kind of my enemy Whenever I’m on to something good you see He always waltzes in to spoil it for me And I can see him starting want to break my heart then that’s the way to do it

Glass bottomed ego It’s still afloat but can’t you see the cracks appearing in the base?

A veil ain’t no [ejector seat?] When you’re [unnerved/honoured]? by the sweet smell of self-esteem And you’ve got yourself as a backseat driver

Spilled the unspillable beans And I’ve dreamed every single impossible dream I just can’t remember any of the details Let’s just have a buzz because by the time I’m done fucking beating myself up There’ll be nothing left to love

I feel like the sequel You wanna see but you were kinda hoping they would never make

Yeah I’m the mystery man that’s been unmasked I’m getting caught in my own trap I’m leaning in to kiss the past goodbye Yeah I’ll be leaving now I’m making tracks And I doubt that I’ll be coming back Oh the night is young baby make it a blast ‘Cause you know it’s growing up so fast

”plenty water” ”that rock ‘n roll” ”plant” ”yeezus” ”invoice me for the microphone if you need to” ”its rare that we dont look like that” ”jamies fridge” ”hips” ”death ramps ring” ”accidently matching clothes with band” ”LAAAAAAAAAAAADIES” ”glastonbreh” ”miles” ”puppy face” ”jamie’s new hair” ”matthew j helders the third” ”matt = god poster” ”do the macarena to the devils lair moves” ”humbug hair” “dont believe the hype” ”wank friends” ”scummy man” ”scumbag” “17 years old spanish girl” ”what came first the chicken or the dickhead” ”slag” ”alex’s comb” ”i spit nothing but the truth” ”get out me garden” ”alex’s knees” ”fifteen more years” ”sos cover with miles” ”poker face cover” ”the view from…” ”the apollo” ”im a rock drummer” ”alex’s bulge” ”nick and his grammy awards photos” ”fookin” ”alex in a suit” ”jamie cook the name finder of arctic monkeys” ”i cant remember the fucking words oh babe” ”plastic cups?” ”al’s crazy dance on stage” ”alex forgets he’s the singer” ”margarita?4 margaritas no 5 margaritas” ”delighted” ”fuck do you think” ”rock ‘n’ roll poet sex god” ”and the band forgets the countdown” ”nme falls for arctic monkeys” ”b-sides” ”alex turner sex appeal 54” wtf ”jamie ironing his jacket while the band singing knee socks” ”turnergasm” ”its the solo what do you gonna do about the solooo” ”artic monkeys” ”wet humbug hair” ”nick’s true reaction” ”yellam osalohcin ” ”kung fu fighting moves specially bbc reading 2014” ”vertigo” ”we’re arctic monkeys,if you enjoyed our language lesson,please share with your wank friends” ”humbug jacket backs 2015” ”one for the road mic” ”wank bank” ”i a napper” ”the age of the understatement” ”Luke…soy tu padre” ”finsbury park jacket 2014 like a pimp” ”alex’s oral with mic” ”agile beast” ”#0114” ”guilty feet have got no rhythm” ”alex tooks of his shirt” ”Alex responds to a passerby on a jet-ski” ”a fucking broadyway musical” ”alex’s in tight pants” ”got enough room there,love?’ ”pointing something” ”submarine” ”cq man awards speech” ”its just says Matt Helders sings like a crow” ”am south america” ”ay,you stop it” ”hasta la vista” ”alex’s hands” ”do we give you that impression face”

I once met Alex round Alexa Chung’s mums house with my mum (who didn’t really know who he was) he was nice when i asked to take a photo with him he sat me down in front of the fire with a box of chocolates and a bottle of famous grouse he was really nice and didn’t once talk about himself all he talked about was us and what we do he also had a thick Sheffield accent too.