I’ve been having the issue with buying new pants because I’m in between two sizes but I’m a number that technically doesn’t exist anymore or maybe never existed? I swear it existed a couple years ago but haven’t been able to find them now. The lower size down from the size I need is too tight but the size up is loose and if I dare to go two sizes up they are falling off me and I physically (and emotionally) can’t stand belts. I also went through a period of time that jeans seemed to last longer. My thighs have been ruining my jeans again.

My weight does fluctuate a lot. I understand materials have changed. I just feel like I finally found jeans that felt good wearing but now I can’t find said jeans in a size down.

Where do you buy jeans? How much do they cost? How long do they last? I need jeans that hold up but I need to wash clothes that I wear at my job after every shift. I know you are not technically supposed to wash jeans after every wear.

I want to lose more weight so I can only imagine that I will eventually be back writing this post again.

Also I’ll never fully understand sizes and will always have a fire under me about how you can buy the same shirt twice in the same size and they’ll fit differently or you can buy the same shirt in different sizes and they fit the same.

Because losing you didn't just break my heart, it changed me. It changed the way I hear silence. The way I answer the phone, the way I say goodbye. Now every quiet moment feels dangerous. Every missed call feels heavy.”

Sadly didn’t get to stay very long.