💐💐💐

PART THREE

                “He’s kind of an asshole.”

                “Well, better you know now that the pretty outsides don’t match pretty insides?”

                “I didn’t say I didn’t like it…” Bradley says, and he looks a little dreamy about it and she rolls her eyes.

                “Oh my god. There’s something wrong with the inside of your head…”

                “He’s smart huh?”

                “Depends on your definition of smart.”

                “What do you mean?”

                “Well, he likes you…”

                “Natasha!”

                She dodges away from the hit he tries, and fails, to land, laughing with amusement.

                “You two deserve each other. He would not shut up about you…” she trails off, tilts her head on the side. “Do you think he’ll make you happy?” Bradley shrugs at that and Natasha supposes that’s fair, it’s a first date and she’s spent more time with Jake at this rate. However, judging from the stubble rash her brother is sporting the activities she does with Jake, and what Jake and Bradley got up to were wildly different. “I hope he remains focussed on his studies.”

                “I get the impression he has to be the best… so I’m pretty sure he won’t be letting his studies slide.”

                “Yeah well, Mav was all excited that you were dating an engineer. Said if you weren’t going to be one yourself the next best thing would be marrying one.”

                Bradley squawks at that and she lets out a cackle herself, because Mav has not let up about Bradley’s chosen career not being in the path of either himself or his father. The fact that Bradley has followed Ice’s more artistic pursuits, with poetry writing, and music and acting… well. It makes Ice happy because it gives him something to lord over Maverick.

                “It was one date, we’re not getting married…”

                “Don’t tell Maverick that, he’s planning your wedding.”

                “Ugh.”

…            …            …

                Javy cannot remember a time when he didn’t know Jake, he’s always been his best friend even when people have told him that they don’t make sense. Their families aren’t tight, but he’s as welcome in the Seresin family home as Jake is welcome in the Machado house. Both sets of parents accept that they come as a package deal, ever since they married each other on the playground nearly twenty years ago.

                Him and Jake both quickly become common fixtures in the Bradshaw family home, and he hadn’t even thought they might be overstaying their welcome until by sheer dumb luck his mom called when he was there and demanded to speak with Mrs Bradshaw. He’s then listened in mortified horror as she reassured his mom that he definitely wasn’t overstaying his welcome, nor eating them out of house and home, that Bradley was more the capable of doing that without help… and then she’d said Javy had impeccable manners and always offered to help with dinner and the dishes.

                He’s glad for Natasha’s friendship, makes it a little less lonely when Jake’s exceedingly scarce spare time is suddenly monopolised by Bradley. He’s learning all about Jake’s new boyfriend from Natasha. She reminds him of Jake in a lot of ways, a little bit defensive about her place in the world but someone that relaxes and laughs easily once they’re comfortable with who they’re talking to. Like Jake she’s also someone who demands excellence every step of the way. He’s glad he’s used to taking it as a compliment when he’s expected to step up. It means they know he can.

                As weeks slip into months and they end up spending more time together, often the three of them, Bradley off practicing some type of musical instrument or learning lines for some type or recital or show. Jake is utterly besotted and Javy is happy for him. He looks at Natasha sometimes, thinks that she’s pretty, but she talks to him exactly the same way she talks to Jake. Still not as comfortable and scathing as she talks to Bradley, but he knows siblings are a special case.

…            …            …

                Natasha isn’t surprised that Jake manages his course work and his new relationship with Bradley easily. He’s a stickler for being on time and also somewhat of a perfectionist, which amuses her no end considering Bradley’s somewhat spontaneous approach to life. When she raises it once, over a different study session months later she gets one of Jake’s raised eyebrows.

                “Bradley understands timing perfectly. He’s musical and acts, both of those require impeccable timing. He might not plan what we’re going to do for out dates, but he’s never once been late to pick me up, and neither have any of our dates been failures.”

                She simply rolls her eyes and accepts the bottle of water from Javy, who catches her eye and gives her a wink. Jake can take himself a little too seriously, and it can definitely come across as being a raging asshole, but she’s come to appreciate his work ethic and it helps that he’s Bradley’s boyfriend and her friend now, because she feels less singled out when her parents’ friends call on them in class. Jake and Javy have both informed her they don’t get called on any more than anyone else, and they’ve crunched numbers about it, show her the stats.

                She gets used to effectively having three brothers rather than one. Bradley is an annoying shit, noisy and big, always in her space poking and prodding, asking her what she’s doing. Jake doesn’t quite follow Bradley’s lead, but he doesn’t discourage him, although he does offer a satisfactory distraction enough times that she can get rid of them together often enough. So it’s a good thing that out of the three of them Javy is her favourite. He’s quietly intelligent, has a way of thinking that is more measured, adds more depth and forces her to rethink some of her assumptions when it comes to design choices.

                “You and Javy huh?”

                “What?”

                “You and Javy. When we came home last night you guys were passed out together on the sofa.”

                “So?” Natasha asks, frowning because all they’d been doing was watching a documentary on the industrial revolution.

                “You and him aren’t… you know?”

                Oh. She rolls her eyes, head already shaking in the negative.

                “If you can’t say it you shouldn’t be doing it. You know what mum and dad say.”

                “Together. Secretly dating. Fucking. Making sweet sweet love…”

                She punches him then, doesn’t hold back and he yelps, not expecting it for some reason she has no idea about. He should know her better by now.

                “Me and Javy aren’t anything other than friends. You know I don’t like people like that…”

                Bradley’s lips twist at that and she lets out a breath, because despite everything he just doesn’t get it. Their mum has tried explaining it to him, had explained it to her and she’d simply felt things click into place, understanding dawning like developing fluid on old-timey photographs her dad does as a hobby. She’d felt seen. Understood. So fucking grateful that there were no more comments about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. How her disinterest was somehow a phase. She knows it might be, but she doesn’t need other people telling her that. She’s never looked at someone and wanted to touch them, which is why she has no patience for all of Bradley’s dramatics.

                That said, she has no patience for his dramatics on a good day.

…            …            …

                “I really like her…” Javy says with a quiet sigh, glad that he’s actually going to have the summer break away, maybe nurse his crush on Natasha away from both Jake and Bradley’s eyes. Hell, even the Bradshaw parents sometimes look at him with what he can only think of as pity. It’s fine. He’ll get over it.

                “Yeah dude. I know. Just… think you need to let that ship sail. She’s not into you. Not that way.”

                “Yeah… I know.”

                “I’m sorry bro.”

                “Yeah, me too.”

…            …            …

                She realizes she misses Javy about three weeks into her internship, misses his quieter presence and calmer nature. Jake being there every day throws it into stark relief and she sends Javy a grumpy message, attaches a photo of Jake wearing his hardhat and high-vis vest because he’d been bitching about it. Javy doesn’t reply for a couple of days, but then there’s a selfie with him wearing similar gear, just the title Twins! and she grins at her phone. It continues like that over the summer and when he mentions he met someone she’s nothing but happy for him.

…            …            …

                They start their third year of their engineering degree with steely determination, knowing it will be difficult. His crush on Natasha has fortunately mellowed, and he’s glad he never said anything, didn’t want to make things awkward. Can introduce his girlfriend Monique to them all and doesn’t feel like he’s settling. She slots into their group easily, is also studying engineering but is doing software. He’d met her while on his internship and it had gone from strength to strength, although they both admit that not knowing anyone else and being both new on the same day had helped break the ice.

                A small part of him, a very very small part, wonders if Natasha ever thinks of him as more than a friend. He doesn’t expect so. He treats her the same as always, suspects his crush is never going to disappear completely. Monique doesn’t suspect anything, and even if she does she doesn’t seem to mind how much time they spend at the Bradshaw house. She’s welcomed as well, and her and Natasha end up becoming friends as well and he supposes that’s just something him and Monique will have in common.

                Friendship with Natasha.

…            …            …

                “You’ve never had sex?”

                “Nope.”

                “Don’t you want to?”

                “Nope.”

                “Huh.”

                Natasha lets out an annoyed sigh, they’re meant to working on some coding, her mechatronics robotics elective meaning she’s on this project without either Jake or Javy, and Monique has the brain for coding she doesn’t. She would get there eventually, but Monique would just get her there faster. But of course they’d started talking about boys. Well, Monique had started talking. Maybe she should go and get Bradley, he’d at least be able to contribute to the conversation.

                “Look, I’m asexual. I don’t find anyone sexually attractive.”

                “Wow.”

                She narrows her eyes, wonders where Monique might take this, is prepared for anything and everything now that she’s years into her college experience and used to explaining it. Wishes she didn’t have to.

                “Do you want to ask me about it?”

                “About what?”

                “Sex,” Monique says with an eyeroll and Natasha huffs with annoyance.

                “No thanks, I’m good.”

                It does make her look at Javy and Monique closer, because while she hasn’t ever felt sexual attraction, she definitely knows what attractive people look like. She knows she’s attractive, enough guys have asked her out, complimented her on her looks. She knows, objectively, that Jake is hot, and not only because she’s heard Bradley monologues about him. She’s heard enough comments in passing about Bradley as well to know people find him attractive, but he’s her brother and that makes her lip curl in distaste.

                Javy is attractive too, she supposes, Monique definitely seems to think so, and Jake is never shy paying him compliments; although she suspects it’s because it makes Bradley a little jealous, and Jake likes that. She finds herself watching them, curious. Monique is definitely pretty. Most of the time she doesn’t feel like she’s missing out at all, but sometimes… sometimes she looks and wishes she could maybe feel it. Experience it. Then she shakes it off. She has friends she loves, and amazing parents, and an annoying brother in Bradley.

                Life is fine.

…            …            …

                He and Monique manage a summer doing long distance, and it feels like they passed an ultimate test, undertaking internships in separate time zones. They come back for their final year bubbling with happiness at seeing each other and decide to move into a small one-bedroom apartment together. It only works out because Jake moves in with the Bradshaw’s, Bradley’s parents insisting on them living there and saving money on rent so that they can focus on their studies. Javy doesn’t have that luxury, and neither does Monique. However together they can afford their little apartment and he feels quite grown up.

…            …            …

                They’re working on their prototype, much bigger and more serious this time; final year projects which will consist of a large chunk of their final grade. Jake is doing a solo project which suits her fine, because she cannot deal with his stress spirals, has Bradley on speed dial so he can come and deal with him if required. Her and Javy though are paired together; she knows it’s likely because Mav wants them to be. She’s working on the coding and soldering, while Javy is working on the gear ratio, their disciplines now suitably complimentary to one another.

                “Fuck yeah, we did it!”

                He raises both his hands in the air for a high five, laughing with it and she smacks her palms to his, her elation mirrored in his smile

                His arm comes down around her shoulder, shaking her with excitement and she grins wider, her exuberance matching his.

                He’s in profile, focussing on the gears, pair of tweezers in hand as he moves some part around and her insides do a funny little swoop, like she’s in a car going down an unexpected dip in the road which is abruptly followed by a flood of tingly warmth.

                Oh.

                Oh.

                Well.

                That’s new.

                Different.

                She shakes herself mentally, doesn’t know if she likes the feeling overly much; she’s not going to act on it. Can’t and won’t. Had no idea if she would even like exploring it further. No point ruining a friendship over maybes. Sexual attraction doesn’t mean compatibility, and anyway, Javy is happy and in love with Monique.

                She’s been fine and will continue to be fine.

…            …            …

                Javy is with Monique for nearly three and a half years before they break up, and part of him is heartbroken, the ring in his pocket a heavy weight rather than the start of a new chapter. He has friends, but none of them are Jake, Bradley or Natasha. So he finds a new job and moves back across the country to be closer to them, crashes on Jake’s sofa before he turns up on Natasha’s doorstep and begs for mercy.

                “They keep forgetting I’m there…”

                “I know. Why do you think I refused to live with them?”

                “Always knew you were smarter than me.”

                “And don’t you forget it.”

                It’s easy living with her, her guest bed comfortable and she’s considerate. She knows his favourite foods and brand of coffee, stocks up on his snacks and cleans up after herself. He tries to match it, doesn’t want her to regret letting him move in; breaks out his cooking skills on the night he knows she’s working late, admits he really enjoys vacuuming, a task she seems to loathe. He thinks his crush might return, then realises his feelings for Natasha are deep, nothing like when he was a teenager. His feelings have been tempered with time, age and maturity, and he finds their shared moments fill him with an enduring warmth.

…            …            …

                “You okay? You seem… a little on edge.”

                “I’m fine,” she snaps and Bradley’s eyebrows shoot up.

                Fuck. Now he’ll definitely know something is up.

                “Sorry, just, stressed at work,” she lies, and Bradley’s eyes narrow.

                “I thought you said that big project was all finished and you were in a quiet period.”

                “It is, I just… sorry. My mind is caught up on some things.”

                And it is, not least Jake and Bradley making their engagement party their actual wedding is something she feels like she should have seen coming. It doesn’t matter, she’d be there either way. Her and Javy’s congratulatory speech only needing a few tweaks to turn it into a best-man/best-woman joint speech. It’s the warring emotions of both wanting what Bradley has and somehow determined to not want it so that she stops feeling like she’s missing out somehow. She shakes her head and goes back to concentrating on dancing with Bradley, knows she’ll be expected to dance with her dad and then likely Uncle Mav, if not absolutely every person somehow included in their big extended family.

…            …            …

                He’s drunk, and Natasha is definitely not sober, both tired after the all-night party that the surprise wedding became. They’re half-staggering, half-supporting one another as they make their way into their apartment. It’s closer to their normal wake up time of six than it is to midnight, which was when he and Natasha both had started making noises about leaving. Bradley and Jake had not let them go and neither of them had fought that hard. It’s not like they get married every day.

                “Come on, shoes off…”

                He kicks off his shoes, tie already hanging lose around his neck. Natasha’s heels have been hanging from her fingers by the straps since they walked into the building, and she drops them to the floor and shrugs off the light wrap, dropping that on the sofa as she heads toward her bedroom. He follows, wants to brush his teeth and drink a couple of glasses of water and then fall into his bed and sleep.

                Natasha obviously has the same idea, and it’s a little odd the domesticity of it, brushing their teeth and preparing for bed after changing into their respective sleeping clothes. They usually take turns in the bathroom, but she’s leaning against him as she brushes, like she still needs the support and he just lets her, enjoys the closeness. Remembers when she used to be more physically affectionate, years ago when they were still at University. He presses out a couple of Tylenol and throws them back with a drink of water, offers her the bottle and she laughs quietly as she takes it, tapping out some tablets and then taking the glass from him as well.

                It happens so fast he almost misses it, but sees her reflection in the mirror as she moves toward him, the kiss she presses to his lips is quick and cool, her lips already curving into a smile as she pulls away. He’d put it down to the same kind of friendly gesture they’ve exchanged over the years, but then she speaks and he feels his entire world view shift on its axis.

                “I wish that you’d be okay with the way I love you…”

                Just like that he’s stone cold sober, like a bucket of ice water has been thrown on him and he repeats the words over and over as he watches her walk to her room, only knocking into the wall once. She’s drunk. He’s also drunk, no matter how sober he might be suddenly feeling…

                He gets no sleep. Instead lies in bed all night and things about what ifs and maybes. He really needs to talk to Natasha.

…            …            …

                She wakes up and other than being tired she feels fine, no headache and no furry teeth. Memories are hazy, but her feet are sore which speaks to a night of dancing. She pads out to the kitchen, can smell coffee and is grateful again that Javy is such a thoughtful roommate. Speaking of, he’s sitting at the island, hands wrapped around a mug and his eyes are fixed on her as she walks in.

                “Morning…” he starts, and he looks tired. Serious.

                “Morning. Thanks for the coffee…”

                “Of course. Any time. You sleep okay?”

                “Yeah. Not long enough, but I was out like a light. You?”

                “Couldn’t sleep.”

                “Really? Why not?”

                “Because one of my best friends said they wished I’d be okay with the way that they love me.”

                She blinks, because that’s a thought she’s had multiple times, but she’s never voiced it aloud. Never wanted to put the wish out into the world to have it snatched out of the air and crushed. She swallows, suddenly nervous. Wonders if he’s about to tell her he’s moving out. That he doesn’t want to be friends any more. That he didn’t know. Wonders if he’s going to want to kiss her or, or, or…

                “Natasha… deep breaths. Shh. It’s okay… can I… can I give you a hug?”

                “I’m not fragile Javy!” she snaps, and he’s already on his feet and beside her and she’s glad he’s offering because a hug is exactly what she needs right now. Wants to be grounded and have her thoughts stop spiralling. And someone who wants to hug her isn’t someone that wants to stop being her friend. Or move out. They’ll be okay. She’ll be okay.

                “You don’t remember telling me you wished that, huh?”

                “No…” she says, whisper quiet into the side of his neck and she can feel his heart beating, fast. Her own stomach is churning and she’s glad she doesn’t have to meet his eyes.

                “Natasha… Would you go on a date with me?”

                She pulls back then, laughs wetly, throat tight, already shaking her head. God she wants.

                “You don’t want to date me.”

                “How about you let me make my own mind up about that. I’d very much like to date you…”

                “Javy… you know I’m not…”

                “Not what?” Javy asks, and there’s an edge of challenge to his voice then, which is new. Like he doesn’t want to hear her talk about parts of herself that she sometimes hates.

                “I don’t know if I’ll ever… want sex.”

                “Okay,” Javy states, and she shakes her head again, steps away. Javy steps with her, leaving space between them but his arms are still looped around her waist, he’s studying her face as if gauging her mood. She chews on her lip, knows he’ll immediately let go if she steps away again or simply asks.

                “It’s usually a deal breaker.”

                “A deal breaker would be you saying you don’t want to date me. And you haven’t said that.”

                “I…” she starts, because he’s right and she loves that while also being terrified. “You’ll change your mind.”

                “Natasha… you might change your mind. Are the maybes a reason to not even try?”

                She blinks, hadn’t thought about that.

                “I… I guess not. We’ll try it out then.”

                “Hmm. And make alterations to the design as we go. Figure out what works best for us, build on it, discard the bits that don’t work…”

                “Only you would treat our relationship like an engineering problem that needs to be solved…”

                “I think approaching it like that works perfectly for us. And it’s only us that matter in this. So. Will you go on a date with me?”

Bradshaw is already sitting in the classroom when Jake walks in the next morning. Jake stops in the doorway, eyes trained on the swell of Bradshaw's biceps under his tight uniform khaki shirt. Almost like he can feel Jake's eye on him, Bradshaw turns to the door, raising an eyebrow at him as if to ask what the fuck Jake is doing just standing there looking at him.

"Mornin'," Jake says, flashing half a smile. He's usually the first one in the room, Bradshaw being here is unexpected.

"Morning," Bradshaw's eyes are on Jake's shoulder, his arm. The mark is covered, Jake had triple checked that his shirt covered it before leaving, but it feels like Bradshaw can see it anyway.

"You're here early," Jake says, walking into the room. "You're must have been with the roosters today."

Bradshaw snorts, but doesn't say anything. His eyes haven't left Jake since he spotted him in the doorway.

Jake makes his way to his usual seat in the front, stealing himself to pass Bradshaw in the second row. He can feel Bradshaw's eyes on him as he approaches. It's stupid and impulsive, but as Jake walks by he shifts, flexing his arm so his sleeve rides up, causing the ocean blue mark to poke out just enough for Bradshaw to see it if he's looking.

There's a sharp intake of breath from Bradshaw and then there are fingers circling Jake's wrist stopping him.

"Seresin," Bradshaw's voice cracks halfway through his name. He sounds so raw.

"Bradshaw," Jake looks down at him and sees it, a sea foam green splotch of color on Bradshaw's left bicep. They must have brushed by each other in the lock room. Jake thinks he might remember it, Bradshaw coming in later than the rest of them, head down, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

"Is that—is that new?"

"Pretty sure you know the answer to that already, man," Jake's voice isn't loud, but it still feels like a gunshot in the quiet room.

"Bradley," Bradshaw—Bradley says. "You should probably call me Bradley."

"Jake," Jake tells him. "Sit up front me with today?"

There's a moment of hesitation. Jake wonders if Bradley is running through all the reasons that a terrible idea. Whatever he's thinking, he must decide the pros outweigh the cons, because he gets up and joins Jake at the front.

"We gonna talk about it?" Bradley asks, fingers tracing along the mark on Jake's arm. If they leaned any closer, their marks would match up.

"Later," Jake says, reaching out to touch Bradley's mark, dropping his hand when he hears voices in the hall. He takes a breath. If he doesn't ask now, he'll lose his nerve. "Dinner, tonight?"

"Dinner," Bradley agrees, knocking their shoulders together. "It's a date."

Jake bites back a grin at Bradley's easy agreement. He's saved from responding by the classroom door opening. He was half expecting Bradshaw to turn him down. Jake knows he's been a bit—well he's been a bit intense during training. Knows he's rubbed some people the wrong way with his persistence and need to be the best. He's well aware that half the class thinks he's an asshole, but he also knows that everyone in this classroom knows he's the best, that no one doubts his abilities in a cockpit. Especially not after taking to the skies for the first time yesterday and seeing him in action.

But here Bradley is, agreeing to dinner with Jake. Looking almost pleased that Jake's his soulmate. Like maybe last night when he was studying his mark maybe he'd thought about Jake's dimples and his eyes, just like Jake had thought about him.

Now isn't the time to think about this though. Now he needs to focus on training. And that's just what he does. When he and Bradley are paired up to practice taking off and landing, Jake feels giddy with it.